


Growing Up Is Hard

by wotcherpotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, I have no idea what else to tag this with do people search these, M/M, Marauders' Era, Slow Burn, Tumblr: jilytober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-01-16 02:12:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12333387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wotcherpotter/pseuds/wotcherpotter
Summary: The story of the witches and wizards at Hogwarts during the First Wizarding War.





	1. Hammer To Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! First of all I'm shite at summaries, so apologies. 
> 
> I know canon versions of this story have been done many times, so excuse me for adding mine to the pile and I hope you don't find it repetitive. I've been working on this story for 9 months, she is my child and I have finally carried her to full term and now she's out in the world. Each chapter is named after a Queen song because I am 1000% certain that Lily and Sirius are both huge fans. 
> 
> An enormous thank you to my darling beta Katie, who has put in almost as many hours as myself, provided countless words of encouragement, advice and guidance, and helped me edit this story to a level where I'm ready to share. Thank you to everyone who read little bits along the way; and thank you to anyone who takes the time out of their day to read this.

“I don’t need help from filthy little  _ mudbloods _ like her!”

Lily blinked. Her tongue was quicker than her brain when she said, “Fine. I won’t bother you in future.”

She turned to leave, trying to put as much distance between herself and the crowd that had formed by the lake. She heard shouting after her but ignored it for fear that her emotions would tumble out if she opened her mouth again. The sound of footsteps behind her told her she was being followed, that the person behind her was in a short jog to keep up. She saw the dark curls and olive skin of her best friend as she fell in step beside her but said nothing. They made their way through the castle, and Lily was thankful it was so desolate; she was close to the edge and she wasn’t even sure if she would make it to Gryffindor tower before she overflowed.

“Carpe noctem,” Marlene said, and the portrait of The Fat Lady swung open.

The common room was bare, save for a few first years searching the room for the last of their possessions to be packed before the train back to London in the morning. Lily all but ran up the stairs to the fifth year girls dormitory, collapsing on her bed as her body began to shake with sobs. Marlene closed the door gently behind them and moved to sit beside Lily on her bed. Still there was no speaking, but they had been friends for 5 years; they didn’t need words to communicate anymore. Marlene held Lily as she let the tears out, and Lily was thankful to her friend for not offering her commentary on the situation. She knew Marlene’s opinion on Severus was not a great one, but up until that moment down by the lake, Lily had refused to believe her.

She couldn’t believe after 7 years - after everything they had shared with each other - that’s what he thought of her. Hindsight was always crystal clear, and if she hadn’t been so set on seeing the good in him she would have been able to prepare a bit better for the pain his words caused. Their time at Hogwarts together hadn’t been the easiest, what with being sorted into houses who had been rivals since the opening of the school. But it seemed as Lily now looked back, that they had been drifting further apart for some time. She could kick herself for taking so long to notice.

Her thoughts drifted back to the moment she first found out she was a witch. It had been Severus who had explained it to her, had told her all about Hogwarts and the wizarding world.

She had asked him that day, “Is it bad if you’re muggle born?”

He had assured her it wasn’t, but all his actions since then had contradicted that statement. Her body shook as she choked out another sob. Her throat ached, her eyes stung, and she wondered how there was any water left at all to keep producing tears.

Marlene’s arms wrapped around her tighter, and she leaned into the embrace. Marlene kissed the top of her head, and Lily willed herself to control her breathing. She looked around the room, trying to find anything that could take her mind off her inner turmoil. She was shocked to find the sun had been replaced with the moon; she felt like she had only been up here for a half hour at most. Marlene’s stomach rumbled next to her head, causing Lily to look up. 

“You can go down to dinner Marls; I’ll be okay.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Marlene assured her. “Plus - and don’t tell anyone about this - I’ve got a secret stash hidden under my bed in case of emergencies.”

Lily smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Marlene could tell the worst was over, and suggested Lily go get in the bath to freshen up.

“Are you suggesting I go drown myself? I might just take you up on that offer,” Lily said, a feeble attempt at a joke.

Marlene threw a pillow at her as she made her way to the bathroom door.

“Lily Evans, do you ever tire of being so dramatic?” Marlene teased.

Lily felt herself smile. “Oh, ha ha Marlene, you are ever so witty.”

“Please, the only other person I can think of who might surpass you in dramatic antics is Potter and he-”

“What!” Lily shrieked. She was part way through getting undressed for the bath and came running out in her underwear, wand pointed threateningly at Marlene.

“Don’t make me hex you.”

Marlene found it hard to be intimidated by her in her almost-nudity, and Lily had to admit she probably looked mad as Merlin right now. Marlene burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” She said between gasps of laughter.

Lily flicked her wand as she walked back into the bathroom, and Marlene’s shirt flew up to cover her face. Lily could hear the muffled laughter as she turned the taps off and stepped into the soothing warmth of the bath. She had always thought there was something very magical (in a muggle way) about baths and their ability to make you feel better. The enchanted baths of Hogwarts only increased that ability by tenfold; Lily was able to float calmly in the water until her whole body was wrinkled, and even still she refused to get out. It was only when she heard a knock at the door that she opened her eyes again, and realised all the bubbles had disappeared. She scrambled for a way to cover herself, sighing with relief when she saw Marlene peep around the door.

“We’ve got a delivery!” Marlene cheered.

The smell of roast pork and all the fixings wafted through to the bathroom. Lily hadn’t realised how hungry she was until precisely that moment. She heard Marlene laugh as she scrambled out of the tub and reached for a robe. Her hair was still dripping, but she made her way back to her bed and helped herself to the giant plate of food waiting for her. Marlene had an identical one in front of her on her own bed. Lily’s mouth watered and she stuffed one of everything in.

“‘Ow ‘id ‘is ‘et ‘er?”

Marlene looked at her bewildered, and Lily slowed down and swallowed before she tried again.

“How did this get here?” Lily asked.

“I’ll never reveal my secrets!” Marlene smirked.

Lily rolled her eyes and tucked back into her food.

“Did you manage to get-”

“As if I’d forget,” Marlene interrupted, using her wand to levitate a plate full of pudding over to Lily’s bed.

Lily should have known, but she giggled anyway as the dish floated towards her. She had no idea how she would have ever gotten anywhere in her life without Marlene. They sat in a comfortable silence; a combination of consumed by the food in front of them, as well as their own thoughts. Lily thought back again over the events of this afternoon. She had cried all she could about it, and vowed to herself she wouldn’t get upset like that over it again. She knew her friendship with Severus was over, and there was no possible way to repair it. She was still worried for what that meant for him. His obsession with dark magic had only grown during the course of their friendship, and who knows how far he might go now. She frowned at the thought.

“How did you go on your exam, anyway?” Marlene asked.

Lily had almost forgotten there was another person in the dorm with her.

“Merlin’s beard, Marlene, let’s not talk about school work and exams for at least the next 6 weeks, possibly ever again,” Lily groaned.

She discarded her empty plate on her nightstand then laid back on her bed. As she pulled her covers up she turned to face Marlene in the bed next to her own. Marlene used her wand to dim the lamps in their dorm, then laid to face Lily in her own bed.

“You should come stay with me over the summer, Lils. Adam is starting his auror training so I’ll be dead bored,” Marlene suggested.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude,” Lily said back halfheartedly.

“Look I was trying to be subtle, but I know Sniv- Snape only lives up the street, and no doubt he’ll be bothering you all summer to beg for your forgiveness because let’s be honest - everyone loves you and would die without your friendship-”

“And  _ I’m _ the dramatic one.”

“Just take the compliment, would you? Anyway what I was saying, is that you’ll need to get away from his pestering over the holidays, and I was giving you an out so you could pretend you were doing something for  _ me _ when really; really, I’m your best friend, and I have been for a long time, and I know that asking for help isn’t something you really do but you need it and I’m here,” she rushed to get out.

A tear escaped Lily’s eye again at the end of Marlene’s speech, and she pulled back the covers of her own bed so she could jump onto Marlene’s.

“Thank you,” Lily whispered as she squeezed her best friend.

“I only ask for your eternal gratitude as payment.” Marlene squeezed her back.

Lily rolled her eyes and settled back into her own bed. As she did so, the door to their dormitory opened and the rest of their roommates walked in together. Lily saw as they all looked over at her bed, seeing if she was okay. She smiled to show she was and closed the hangings around her bed. She would be, at least.

* * *

 

Lily was in the backseat of her parents’ Ford Escort, making the journey from London back to her hometown of Cokeworth. Petunia had refused to come, which was unsurprising. She had refused to anything she could that had to do with Lily, ever since she had learned she was a witch. But this time it stung a little more than usual; not only did Petunia not want to see her sister after 6 months, the company she chose to keep instead of her was just downright insulting.

When Lily was home for Christmas, Petunia had announced to the family she was seeing someone. Lily thought it was brilliant, and Petunia might become more agreeable with someone in her life. She couldn’t have been more wrong if she tried.

Petunia had met Vernon Dursley through a friend of a friend, at a dinner party last fall. He was quite possibly, the most boring person Lily had ever met in her life (and she had to sit through lessons with Professor Binns). Petunia had invited him to dinner the evening before Lily was due to go back to Hogwarts. She was adamant that Lily was not expose her ‘inner freak’ to Vernon whilst he was here. As such, Lily did not talk for most of the night. For when Vernon wasn’t droning on about how well he was doing at his new job (a drill company, how could anyone find so much to say about drills?), Petunia was gushing about the night they had met. Lily couldn’t get a word in, even if she had wanted to.

And so it was that Lily found herself in the backseat of the car stewing over Vernon Dursley. She wasn’t a shallow person, but she could not understand what Petunia saw in him. He was round and beefy, with small beetle-sized eyes, and a large twisted moustache. Lily gagged at the thought of it.

The sun had set by the time they had pulled into the driveway of the Evans family home. Lily helped her father heave her trunk out of the boot, and dragged it up the stairs to her bedroom. Rather than bother taking anything out of it, she went back downstairs and set to work helping her mother fix something for tea. She was in the middle of cutting carrots when the front door opened, and in walked Petunia with Vernon in tow. Lily barely held in a groan as she looked to her mother for help. When locking eyes with her mother, however, she noticed that rather than the shock she expected, she looked guilty. Lily had been  _ betrayed _ by her own parents.

“Mum, you knew and you didn’t warn me?” Lily whispered.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic dear. You seemed in a bad mood already and your father and I didn’t want to push it,” was her mother’s response.

“Yeah, this is a much better way to break the news to me,” Lily grumbled.

She washed her hands and stepped into the living room, where Petunia and Vernon were now greeting her father.

“Hi Tuney,” Lily mumbled.

Petunia looked at her like she smelled something awful at the use of her old nickname.

“You remember Vernon, don’t you Lily?” She asked.

“How could I forget…” Lily mumbled under her breath.

It seemed she wasn’t as quiet as she thought she’d been, as her father snorted softly. Lily made eye contact with him as he winked. At least her dad was on the same team as her. They moved to sit around the dining table, and Lily helped her mother bring out some drinks. She tried to stay in the kitchen with her to help with the rest of dinner, but her Mum insisted she catch up with her sister and her boyfriend. Lily sat down beside her father, and once again listened to Vernon drone on and on about his job. Apparently, he’d recently been offered a promotion.

It felt like an eon had passed by the time she was served dinner. She had just picked up her fork as Vernon tapped his glass. She tried to mask her disdain with a polite smile, but she wasn’t sure that she had fooled anyone.

“I’d like to say something, before we eat,” Vernon confessed. He turned to Petunia before continuing, “Petunia, it would be an honour if you would say yes to becoming my wife.”

Three forks clattered to their plates. Lily looked to her parents for an explanation, but found they were just as shocked as she was. Petunia was staring at Vernon in shock and Lily noticed Vernon had started to sweat profusely.

“Yes!” Petunia had shrieked.

Lily’s parents clapped and raised their glasses to cheers around the table. Lily’s hand raised her glass robotically, but she wasn’t sure if she actually made contact with anyone else. For the rest of the evening she ran on autopilot; she ate her dinner without tasting it, she couldn’t even remember what was on her plate. As soon as she was finished, she excused herself from the table and made her way up to her room.

_ Fuck _ , she thought.

A slight tapping on her window pulled her out of her thoughts, and she opened the window to let in a small horned owl. Her parents had bought Agathe for her when she had been named prefect last summer. The owl hooted softly as Lily opened the window. She dug a couple of treats out of her trunk, and Agathe nipped her affectionately in appreciation. Lily noticed the small note tied to her ankle, and gently untied it to read. She recognised the narrow scrawl as Severus’s almost immediately. He must have gone up to the owlery before they left this morning. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to open it, and she probably shouldn’t. She tossed it in the bin beside her desk and flopped face down on her bed. What a shit end to the year.

* * *

 

Sirius sighed. It was raining and he felt  _ so _ cliche, and that was usually James’s thing. He’d flown there on his broomstick and copped the full brunt of the storm; in summary he was drenched. James knew he was coming of course. It had all happened so quickly but he’d made sure to get the message to James before he left the Black household earlier that night.

He’d had the biggest fight he could remember with his mother. Fighting with her was nothing new, he was sure he’d been born disagreeing with her but this was something else. She was on his case - once again - about upholding the family values.  _ What _ values, he wasn’t exactly sure. He knew his parents thought Voldemort was onto something, and they absolutely hated the fact that he had friends who weren’t purebloods. It was the same fight they always had, but Sirius snapped. He couldn’t take it anymore, and he’d called his mother a ‘fucking dragon-faced hag’ and stormed upstairs to his bedroom. He knew he had about 3 minutes before she barged in and hexed him within an inch of his life, so he pulled the 2-way mirror out from his side table.

“PROOOOONGS,” He yelled. “PRONGS ANSWER ME!”

James’s untidy head appeared almost immediately. “What?”

“I’m on my way,” Sirius said.

James understood it was urgent and with that Sirius had hastily grabbed a couple of things and jumped on his broom and out the window. His mother still aimed a curse at him and he felt it whiz past his ear as he sped away.

Now he was standing out the front of the Potter’s, half regretting his decision. The rain had made it through to his underwear, and he was shivering as he knocked on the door. Mrs. Potter opened the door and audibly gasped.

“Sirius! Get inside, quickly, quickly, that’s it.”

She ushered him into the kitchen and he sat down at the small eat-in table.

“Are you alright, dear?” She asked, a frown of concern crossing her features.

“Have been better, Mrs. P,” he tried to joke.

James walked into the kitchen at that moment, and the look of surprise that crossed his features was almost comical.

“Oh, er, so you’re here already then,” James spluttered.

“Excellent analysis of the situation, Prongs,” Sirius retorted.

“Right, well. Mum, can Sirius stay with us? Like, indefinitely?” James exchanged a look with Sirius to confirm the length of stay. “Yeah, indefinitely.”

“Oh Sirius, of course you can. Monty and I have been so worried about you in that house… James, go and get him some dry clothes, will you? You must be freezing dear. I’ll get Winky to fix you some soup,” she said.

A loud crack sounded and Winky, the Potters’ small and timid house elf, appeared beside Euphemia in the kitchen. She set to work fixing Sirius a bowl of leftover soup, while James and Sirius went upstairs to his room to get him changed. James picked a shirt and a pair of pants off the ground, sniffed them and threw them in Sirius’s direction.

“Cheers,” Sirius said.

James grinned and flopped on his bed. Sirius stripped off his wet clothes, dropping them in a pile on the floor by James’s bed. He also sniffed the clothes for good measure, figured they were okay and put them on. Now that he was considerably warmer, he felt a bit more comfortable.

“So,” James opened.

“So,” Sirius countered.

“Did the old bat nearly kill you?” James finally asked.

Sirius grinned. “She definitely gave it her best shot.”

“I’m glad you’re here, mate. We’re brothers now, you know. ‘Sirius Potter’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” James joked.

“If we’re brothers, does that mean I’m the heir to the Potter throne?” Sirius pondered.

“Oh, fuck off you twat,” James countered.

“Now James, that’s no way to talk to your older brother,” Fleamont Potter chimed in, standing in the doorway to James’s room with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“HA!” Sirius cried victoriously.

“I’m moving out,” James grumbled.

“Boys, your soup is ready!” Euphemia called up the stairs.

They raced each other down the stairs, knocking into the wall and tripping each other over as they went. Two scorching hot bowls of onion soup were laid out on the table, a slice of bread for each, and a goblet of pumpkin juice. Sirius tucked in immediately, not caring if his tongue burned. He had just realised how extremely hungry he was, having walked out before dinner was served earlier tonight. James gave an appreciative glance towards his mum before digging in just as messily as Sirius.

* * *

 

It took Sirius about a month to completely feel at ease in the Potter household. The first week he was still dealing with the trauma of his own family, and he wasn’t really sure what to about that. He didn’t want to talk about it at all; but somehow, in that way that best-friends-who-are-now-your-brother do, James was able to get it out of him. In dribs and drabs at first, and then all at once. Much in the same way that James had casually asked if his mother nearly killed him, Sirius would let go of bits of information. The argument; the way he had snapped and opened his mouth before thinking (one of Sirius’s most prominent traits); the fear he had for his life.

The guilt he felt for leaving Regulus stuck in that awful house with his lunatic parents was the hardest part for him. They had been through so much in that house together, and he knew Regulus would be hurt that he’d left him behind. That was the hardest part to tell James about. Partly, because he didn’t actually have any siblings of his own, so he couldn’t really understand the bond Sirius shared with his own. But also, because Sirius felt like he was kind of betraying James, Remus, and Peter in a way for even just being related to him. He couldn’t explain it really in words even to himself, and he wasn’t sure James understood much of his ramblings on the topic. Sirius was just grateful that he was there to vent to about everything, grateful to James’s parents for taking him in without a second thought.

After the first two weeks, it got easier for him. He had let go of the baggage (not entirely, of course; this was Sirius and he was nothing if not broody and handsome), and it was easier to feel like himself again. He and James had taken to spending their days in the field out the back of the Potter’s playing games of mock quidditch. James was hoping to be named Captain of the Gryffindor team this year, so he was glad to have Sirius around to practice with. Sirius wasn’t the best keeper (he preferred being a beater - there was just  _ something _ about whacking a bludger and it hurtling towards a Slytherin that was so therapeutic for him), but since James was a star chaser it was Sirius’s duty as a best friend to help him train. James had just scored his 32nd goal in a row (Sirius really was shit at keeping) when Euphemia’s otter patronus brought them a message.

“Your father and I are due to leave for the Ministry Gala shortly boys, and I don’t like the idea of you out here by yourselves. Winky is preparing tea for you now, should be ready by the time you get back inside and wash up,” Euphemia’s voice spoke from the silvery otter in front of them.

They flew back to the house on their brooms and stored them in them in a small shed by the back door. As they walked in, Euphemia and Fleamont were just walking downstairs to leave through the living room fireplace. Euphemia and Fleamont both gave them each a kiss.

“We’ll be back later tonight.  _ Don’t _ get into too much trouble while we’re gone,” Euphemia warned.

“And stay out of my liquor cabinet!” Fleamont yelled over his shoulder.

They stepped into the fireplace together, a handful of floo powder in Fleamont’s hand. The fire blazed a green, and they swirled into the floo network. James picked up the  _ Evening Prophet _ his father had been reading before he left, and settled down on one of the sofas by the fireplace. Sirius was about to sit down next to him, when there was a whooshing sound and Remus stepped out of the fireplace. Sirius gave James a puzzled look, but James was avoiding his eye contact, trying not to grin over the paper. Peter stepped through next, almost colliding with Remus on the hearth.

“Um…” Sirius stuttered.

“Surprise! This is your ‘Congratulations on becoming an honorary Potter’ Party,” James explained.

“Where are the decorations?” Sirius complained.

“We were on short notice. But I did manage to bring this,” Remus spoke up, pulling a bottle of firewhiskey from out of his bag.

“Mum only had old mead in her cupboard,” Peter piped up, pulling the bottle from out of his bag as well.

James dug around in the liquor cabinet behind them and pulled out a second bottle of firewhiskey.

“ _ Now _ it’s a party,” Sirius conceded.

Sirius lead the way up to James’s room. He hadn’t noticed because they’d been outside for most of the day, but the room had been magically enlarged to fit 4 beds around the edges, and a pile of cushions and blankets in the middle for them to lounge about it. It slightly resembled their dorm at the castle, but softer around the edges. Sirius dove into the pile in the middle of the room and made himself comfortable. Peter followed suit, then Remus; James was last carrying a handful of goblets. They each poured themselves a drink, and James tapped his goblet with his wand.

“I propose a toast,” he declared. “To me, for welcoming Sirius into my home with open arms, despite his ragged appearance and despicable table manners.”

Remus nudged him, and James nearly spilled firewhiskey over the side.

“Moony, if you make me spill my drink I will not be happy.”

“I think you mean rugged appearance, Prongs,” Sirius insisted.

“Can we just fucking drink, already?” Peter complained.

And so they drank. The firewhiskey burnt like it always did, going down their throats. And then they felt warm, and light. It didn’t take long for them to become absolutely tanked. Peter was first, was always first. He tried to get up at some point, tripped over a cushion on the ground and just laid on the floor until he fell asleep. James was next, though he managed to make it to his bed. Never into his pajamas, but he had gotten his shoes off at least. Sirius was the third, though he hadn’t tried to move all night; and so he was stuck in the same pile of cushions on the floor. The only visible difference was that his eyes were now closed.

And so there was only Remus, always the last. It was something to do with the werewolf within, though he was glad that he could never get himself as inebriated as the other three; he might’ve died of embarrassment. He was sober enough to get himself into his pajamas and check on his friends. Sirius’s light snores from the middle of the room caught his eye, and he made sure to cover him with a blanket before getting into his own bed. The action, though seemingly friendly enough, had such a delicate undertone to it. James’ sleep-clouded eyes thought he might have imagined it, but he had always had some gut feeling of something there. He didn’t dwell too much on it, instead rolling over and falling back to sleep almost immediately.


	2. Was It All Worth It

Lily was itching to get out of her house. Petunia had taken over the house with wedding planning; magazines, fabrics, colour swatches, cake samples. Lily couldn’t even go to the bathroom without being bombarded with different flower arrangements, and there had been several instances of petals ending up in uncomfortable places. So it was with great relief that she received Marlene’s invitation to spend the rest of the summer with her. She sent her reply instantly, scrawling a ‘YES!’ at the bottom of the parchment and tying it to Agathe’s leg to send off.

Not only was she overrun with wedding planning, but she was tired of being cut off from the wizarding world. She was subscribed to the _Daily Prophet_ of course, but all that did was make her worry more and more each day. She was excited to visit Marlene’s and be connected with magic again. Marlene was the youngest in a pureblood household, and so magic was in every nook and cranny of her house. Lily had visited several times over the years, and it had always been one of her favourite places. Now, more than ever, she was desperate not only to be back in the presence of magic, but her best friend.

Patience wasn’t her strongest virtue, and so as soon as Agathe had flown out of her window she had scrambled around her room putting her possessions back in her trunk. It wasn’t hard; she had barely unpacked since being home. She threw it all in messily, keeping only her wand out in the back pocket of her jeans. That took her all of an hour, after which she sat at the top of the stairs waiting for Marlene’s knock at the door. They lived close enough that it shouldn’t take Agathe longer than 2 hours to get her message to Marlene, but it felt like a century hd passed before she heard the knock.

“I’ll get it!” She called, running down the stairs and flinging the door open.

The bright smile on her face in anticipation instantly dropped when she saw who was standing in front of her. He was looking at his feet, the dark locks of his hair curtaining his face so that she couldn’t see his expression.

“Severus. What are you doing here?” She asked, coldly.

“You didn’t answer my letter,” me mumbled.

She could hear the pleading tone in his voice, and it tugged at her heartstrings, but her mind was made up on the fate of their friendship. He didn’t respect her, he’d proven that on their last day of term, and she couldn’t keep making excuses for him.

“I think you’ve said it all already.”

“I didn’t - Lily I didn’t mean it, I would never -”

“I’m not an exception to the rule, Sev. It’s clear how you see the world. I’m just sorry I couldn’t realise that sooner.” There was finality in her tone.

She knew Severus wanted to continue the conversation, but just as he opened his mouth Marlene and her mother walked up the driveway.

“Snape,” she said politely, nodding.

“McKinnon,” he said through gritted teeth.

Lily was glad for the interruption. She looked at Marlene with what she hoped was a ‘thank you’, and Marlene looked back with what she read as a ‘we’ll talk about this later’. They hugged each other tightly, and Lily welcomed them into the kitchen. Her own mother joined them and chatted politely whilst Lily ran upstairs to bring her trunk down. Breathless from the effort, Marlene laughed at her.

“I’m ready,” Lily panted.

“Anyone would think you’re dying to get away from us, Lils,” her mother joked.

Lily hugged her mother goodbye. Her father was at work, and Petunia refused to be in the same room as Lily, let alone two other witches. The three walked out the front door and around the corner, to a quiet alleyway. Mrs. McKinnon took both their hands, and there was a loud crack as they apparated to the back garden of the McKinnon household. Lily had only travelled by side-along apparition a handful of times, and it always left her feeling slightly nauseous. Mrs. McKinnon levitated her trunk to Marlene’s room, where a bed had already been set up for Lily.  

“Where’s Adam?” Lily asked as she sat down at the kitchen table.

Marlene prepared them both a cup of tea as she answered.

“He’s already started the Auror training program. He’s there longer than 12 hours some days,” she sighed.

Lily knew Marlene and Adam were close, having only been two years apart. It was a foreign concept to herself, having a healthy relationship with a sibling, and Lily had envied them all throughout their time at Hogwarts.

“I’m worried, Lils. Have you been reading the Prophet? It’s madness out there,” Marlene’s eyes glistened as she spoke.

Lily got up from her chair and held her best friend in her arms. She couldn’t promise it would all be okay, and Marlene knew that.

“He’s smart Marls, and he’s not alone. Alice and Frank were starting with him as well, and you know they’ll all have each other’s back. Just like I’ve got you, and you’ve got me. Okay?”

Marlene smiled and wiped the lone tear that had escaped from her eyes. It was Lily’s turn to cheer her friend up.

“I don’t suppose you noticed the abundance of white engulfing the house earlier?” Lily asked.

Marlene had a watery giggle. “I’d have to be blind as a bat if I didn’t see that.”

“Petunia is _engaged_ ,” Lily paused for dramatic effect. “To Vernon.”

“No!” Marlene gasped.

“It’s true,” Lily hung her head solemnly. “I’ll soon be related to a beefcake.”

Marlene laughed again - this time through her whole body - and Lily joined her. They laughed for so long their stomachs hurt and their eyes watered. By the time they stopped the kettled had gone cold again. Mrs. McKinnon walked in to see what the fuss was about, and when they saw her puzzled face it sent them on another wave of giggles. When they were finally able to calm down, they took their tea up to Marlene’s bedroom and sat down on the bed, backs against the wall and feet dangling off the edge.

“It’s been a hell of a summer,” Lily mused, sipping her tea too quickly and burning her tongue.

“Maybe it’s an omen for what the year will be like,” Marlene pondered.

“Are you going to read my tea leaves, then?” Lily joked.

“Divination is an art!” Marlene argued, and they both laughed again.

They passed the evening with much of the same banter; it was easier than having those prickly conversations of how they were really feeling, ones they could save until they were safe in the castle and the problems of the outside world weren’t so real.

* * *

 Lily, Marlene, and Mrs. McKinnon apparated to a quiet street by Kings Cross Station. They were early for the Hogwarts Express, but there were plenty of muggle folk using the regular train system. They made their way to the barrier, weaving between groups of people, narrowly missing them with their trunks in tow. They were surprised by how many people were already there. The majority of them were still on the platform, and so the two of them took the opportunity to find an empty compartment near the front of the train to store their cases. Once safely secured, they jumped back onto the platform to say goodbye to Marlene’s mother. They found her talking to Ms. Vance, the mother of their other best friend Emmeline. The three girls hugged each other in reunion, said goodbye to their parents, and made their way back to their compartment.

As Lily and Emmeline were both prefects, they changed into their robes straight away in order to be ready for the start of year prefects meeting. Marlene complained about them deserting her (again!) before they walked through the carriage to the magically enlarged prefect’s compartment at the front. They were second only to the Head Boy and Girl for the year, a Charlie Diggle from Hufflepuff, and a Slytherin called Andrea Parkinson. Lily didn’t know them well, but they had been prefects last year and so they got along well enough.

They made polite conversation about their summers whilst they waited for the other prefects to arrive. Slowly the others filtered in. Lily said hello to Remus as he sat next to her. She was quite fond of Remus, and couldn’t understand why he kept the company he did. They discussed the latest edition of the prophet as they waited for the meeting to start. The train sounded its whistle, signalling its departure from the station. Charlie and Andrea started the meeting with Lily’s undivided attention; she took her role as prefect seriously.

It was about five minutes into the meeting when the compartment door slid open, and the last prefect tried to slip in unnoticed. All eyes turned to the door, and Lily struggled to keep her composure. She was thankful to have Emmeline sitting next to her squeezing her hand in moral support. Try all her might to avoid making eye contact, it was like all he was doing was the exact opposite; he searched for her eyes, scanning the room until they locked, and Lily felt her heart breaking all over again. She turned away as quickly as she could. It felt like ten minutes had passed when in reality the whole encounter was over in a matter of seconds. She heard nothing of the rest of the meeting. It took all her strength to ignore him, and there was no room left in her brain to retain information.

When the meeting was over, Lily grabbed Emmeline’s hand and pulled her quickly to the compartment where Marlene was waiting for them. Unfortunately for Lily, today was just not her day. Marlene had found company in the remaining Marauders, and they were all laughing at something Sirius was saying as she entered. Marlene saw the look on her face and immediately knew something was up.

Apparently, James could also see something there, as he asked her, “Alright Evans?” with his trademark grin.

His hand moved up nervously to tussle his already messed up hair, and Lily rolled her eyes in annoyance. _Why_ was he always doing that? She looked at him with discontent and moved to sit next to Marlene. Remus opened the compartment door next, and Lily was thankful when he took the rest of the Marauders with him to a new compartment. She sighed and slouched down in her seat.

“Chocolate frog?” Marlene offered.

Both Lily and Emmeline laughed at the gesture and graciously accepted. Lily had a feeling this was going to be a long and strange year for them all.

* * *

Sirius hadn’t seen his brother since the night he’d run away. It wasn’t so strange, seeing as he now called the other side of the country home, and they were in different houses. But, since it was October, he had thought it odd that they hadn’t at least made eye contact across the Great Hall. This is what he was thinking about, as he roamed the corridors of the castle. The majority of the students were soaking up the last of the sun for the year, before the chill of winter set in. Sirius was surprised James wasn’t making himself and the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team train out on the pitch, but when James had suggested they take the opportunity to set up their Halloween prank, he had jumped at the chance. (Ever since James had been appointed captain of the team over the summer, he had been making them train every waking minute of their lives at Hogwarts, and Sirius was, quite frankly, fucking tired of it.)

Sirius had stopped by the statue of the one-eyed witch. He was about to enter the secret passageway behind it, but as he checked to see the coast was clear, he noticed a figure at the end of the hallway. They walked towards him, and he recognised it was his brother. He was apprehensive; a feeling he never usually got which made him feel even worse about the whole situation. He couldn’t read the look on Regulus’ face, which was confusing for him since they were so similar in their looks. They didn’t speak until Regulus was right in front of him.

“I’m so-”

“Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut?” Regulus interjected, hurt tainting his voice.

At once, all Sirius’s guilt from the summer resurfaced. He couldn’t find the words to apologise, and he knew it wouldn’t help anything even if he could.

“Reg, I- I couldn’t just stay there anymore. Not with her,” Sirius was still struggling to find the words.

“What about me? You just left. You don’t know what it was like after you left Sirius.”

“You could have left too,” Sirius suggested.

“Me? I’ve never been able to do anything I wanted. I’ve always had to pick up the pieces after the mess you make. When mother found out you were sorted into Gryffindor, when you became friends with half-bloods and blood traitors, when you started taking Muggle Studies; it’s always been on _me_ to be the good fucking child, because you’re such a royal cock up.” Regulus huffed.

“Sorry I made your life so fucking difficult Reg, really.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

Regulus swung first. It took Sirius off guard; Regulus had never been a violent person. It wasn’t enough to land a hit though, and Sirius made sure he was the first. He got him in the stomach, and Regulus doubled over. He shoved his brother back into the wall of the corridor. Regulus was quick though, and his fist connected with Sirius’s eye. Sirius was knocked back a couple of steps, and he touched his eye gingerly. There wasn’t any blood, but he could taste it building up in his mouth. He spat and saw he was right as blood painted the floor. He lifted his arm to swing again, just as James came walking around the corner.

“Pads,” he yelled, from the other end of the corridor. “Leave him be.”

“Here we go, Potter here to save the day,” Regulus said, sarcasm oozing from his voice.

“Padfoot. Sirius. Mate, come on,” James said, struggling to retain Sirius’s fists.

He tugged on Sirius’ shirt, trying to pull him away. Sirius’s eye was throbbing, and he could feel it bruising as he stood there. He looked at his brother across the corridor. Anger and hurt were still etched in Regulus’s features. Sirius supposed he probably had a similar expression on his own face. Regulus spat in his direction. Sirius felt defeated; he let James pull him in the opposite direction, towards Gryffindor tower. His eyes prickled, and he told himself it was the pain in his eye that caused it.

“You okay?” James asked, concern lacing his tone.

“Yeah,” Sirius said gruffly.

They both knew he wasn’t. Sirius had gained a brother when he’d met James Potter, but he’d lost one today in his fight with Regulus.

* * *

 James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had perfected the art of pranking early in their careers. They had superseded all Hogwarts pranksters that had come before them, including the Prewett twins. They started small of course, but as the years went on, the pranks become more grandiose and dramatic. This had meant that detention was as much of a regularly scheduled activity as their Transfiguration lessons. As such, it was during a detention (Sirius really had a knack for getting into trouble) that Sirius had come up with the plan for this year’s Halloween prank.

Sirius had been sent to help the Gamekeeper Hagrid tend to the pumpkins for the Halloween feast. He got along with the half-giant, and so was in a pleasant mood when he went down to his hut to serve his detention. Over the course of the hour he spent there, he came up with the basic outline of his plan. He finished up with Hagrid and made his way over to the Quidditch pitch, where James was finishing up his training.

“James,” he yelled across the pitch.

James swerved his broom so that instead of landing by the changing rooms, he was next to Sirius.

“I’ve got an idea for the Halloween feast,” he had said, eyes alight.

James had grinned at him, and they had raced up to Gryffindor tower to go through the plan with Remus and Peter to perfect it. In truth, Sirius did not have a brilliant plan; rather a desire to include the multitude of pumpkins he had tendered to for an hour. James had ran away with that idea, and after a while of spitballing they had actually come up with something. The plan was simple; when each student raised their cutlery to start eating at the Halloween feast, it would trigger a pumpkin above them to explode, and rain down sweets from Honeydukes. They wanted to try and brighten the spirits of the castle, what with the mess that was happening outside causing everyone to worry.

They had everything they needed, it was just a matter of getting it all in the right places for the right time. Their fatal flaw was, however, Sirius’s run in with Regulus. He hadn’t been able to complete the final part of the plan, which involved moving their secret stash from the passageway to the Honeydukes cellar into the pumpkins which were currently stored in the kitchen. Because of this, the Marauders were nervous about how the prank would turn out tonight.

They were all seated at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, closest to the entrance. Dumbledore finished his speech, and the feast magically appeared on the table in front of them as it usually did. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter refrained from heaping their plates, waiting for the first person to pick up their cutlery.

It happened to be a Slytherin, someone a couple of years below them, and even over all the chatter from the students echoing throughout the hall, the loud bang rang out across it. Silence followed by another loud bang from the next person lifting their knife and fork. This time it was a Hufflepuff, a bit closer to where they were seated and they were able to get the full experience. The pumpkin exploded and the student below was doused in pumpkin juice. A couple of students around them were laughing, and the Marauders struggled trying not to join them.

It seemed no one could figure out just what caused the pumpkins to explode, because more and more people were lifting their cutlery and getting soaked with pumpkin juice. The foursome had begun to guffaw with everyone else, feeling safe enough that they wouldn’t get caught. That was, until a certain redhead a few seats down from them picked up her fork to stab a roast potato. It happened in slow motion for Sirius. The potato was half way to Lily’s mouth when the pumpkin exploded. Pumpkin juice rained down on her from above, a few drops catching the students close by and some even hitting the Marauders themselves. Sirius laughed hysterically, and the sound caught Lily’s attention. He was wiping tears from his eyes as she walked over to where they were seated.

“POTTER!” She yelled.

“Alright Evans? I have to say, I’ve always thought pumpkin juice was better for drinking rather than applying liberally to your entire body,” James joked.

“Why are you always _such_ an arrogant toerag?” She huffed and walked out of the Great Hall.

“I think that went quite well, Prongs,” Remus quipped.

James rolled his eyes, and in doing so saw McGonagall coming towards them from the staff table.

“I think the jig is up lads,” James mumbled, eyes pointing towards their Transfiguration teacher.

The four boys sat their straightest as she arrived to stand by James. She gave them each a stern look, and her lips were pursed before she opened them to speak.

“I don’t suppose this has anything to do with you gentlemen?” She asked, her left eyebrow raised as if daring them to lie.

“Oh Minnie, you know us too well,” Sirius tried to assuage the situation.

“I thought as much. I’ll see you all for detention next Sunday and for the whole month of November. And Mr. Black, if you ever call me Minnie again I will make you sincerely regret that decision.”

She walked back to the front of the Hall and took her seat by Dumbledore again.

Sirius turned to the group. “So, when should I propose?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I hope you enjoyed reading!!


	3. You Win and You Lose

It had taken Lily an hour in the bath and some strong charm work to get all the pieces of pumpkin out of her hair. She was livid. Marlene had attempted several times (including a whole block of Honeyduke’s finest from her hidden stash) to stop her from walking downstairs to the common room and hexing all four of their underpants to constrict every time they breathed. Marlene had cackled Lily back to sobriety at that suggestion. Lily grumbled her way off her proverbial ledge and comfortably settled into her bed, vowing never again to speak to the Marauders.

She had been sticking to her vow just fine for the whole of the following Sunday. She was up before them; it was rare to see any of them out of their dorm before midday on a Sunday. She had hidden away in the Room of Requirement all day (a place she had prided herself on finding before the Marauders - she was sure they still had no idea), until it was time to come down for dinner. Even as she took her place next to Marlene at the table, there was still no sign of them. She had thought it a bit suspicious at the time, but then the food had appeared before her and forgot completely.

It was only when she walked through the portrait hole after Marlene that she remembered what day it was; the birthday of Sirius Black. The Gryffindor common room was quite regularly a boisterous and rambunctious place to be. Couple that with the birthday of a Marauder, and that obnoxiousness grew tenfold. It seemed to Lily that they had managed to outdo themselves; majority of the lounges and armchairs had been moved to a corner of the room and in their places were several small tables and chairs, a small buffet (complete with a mountain of pudding), a large wooden bench serving as a bar (stocked with a random assortment of beverages to choose from), and a large space for dancing.

Lily couldn’t figure out where the music was coming from, but it was so loud that she almost looked for a live band to accompany it. The song was familiar to her, a muggle song she thought probably. Even after being part of the wizarding world for nearly 6 years, she still didn’t know much about the wizard music scene, and much preferred muggle tunes anyway. She had followed Marlene over to one of the tables thinking to herself and was only jostled out of her thoughts when a bottle of butterbeer was placed in front of her.

Marlene smirked next to her, daring her to unscrew the top and take a sip. Lily, who couldn’t bare the thought of backing down from a challenge, popped off the lid and took a sip. Her body warmed up instantly, and she felt slightly giddy. They were joined at their table by Mary McDonald, another of their dorm mates, and Dorcas Meadows a Hufflepuff from their same year. A third, less welcome visitor joined their table by plopping into the only other empty chair at their table beside Lily.

“Evans!” James said brightly. Lily was surprised she could hear him over the music. “You came.”

“How else was I supposed to get up to my room tonight, Potter?” She asked, turning away from him.

“Oh right, yeah. Ha ha,” he chuckled, and she saw his arm reach up out of the corner of her eye, messing his hair up more than it already was.

There was an awkward pause, and Lily tried to send Marlene a signal with her eyes to help her out, but she was talking to Mary about something ridiculously unimportant and not caring about her friend who was in dire need of rescuing. In her peripheral vision she could see James opening and closing his mouth, trying to think of something to say. Thankfully, the birthday boy had chosen that moment to burst into.

“Prongs! It’s _Dancing Queen_! I’m only seventeeeeeen,” Sirius had yelled, dragging him away.

James had given Lily what looked like an apologetic expression, which she thought was odd since it wasn’t like they were having any kind of conversation. She sipped on her drink and watched them together; they grabbed the attention of almost everyone in the room, and she had to admit even though they were both complete bellends there was something mesmerising about them. And if she was honest with herself, she knew exactly what that something was. She turned back to the group at the table and accidentally caught Marlene’s eye, who was smirking next to her. Lily ignored her and put down her empty bottle, slamming it a bit harder on the table than she intended and getting the shocked attention of everyone at the table. She blushed and apologised, as she rose to get herself a refill.

The alcohol content in a butterbeer wasn’t high at all, but that combined with the heat of the common room and the butterflies beginning to form in the pits of her stomach were a lethal combination, and she thought it best to stick to the pumpkin juice to avoid further embarrassment. The iciness of the juice she now held did little to alleviate the heat of her body, and her cheeks were still flushed when she got back to her seat next to Marlene. She saw her best friend open her mouth to say something, no doubt about the incident before but Lily cut her off.

“Don’t. Say. A word.” She said through gritted teeth.

“I was only going to ask you to dance with me, but if there’s something else you want to talk about I’m all ears,” Marlene giggled.

Lily groaned, but allowed herself to be dragged onto the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. They were joined by Emmeline, who had found them each a shot of firewhiskey from Merlin knew where and was urging them all to drink it together. Marlene drank hers without hesitation; Lily on the other hand had her doubts. She scanned the room without even noticing what she was doing, and her eyes landed on James again. He had found a seat in one of the larger armchairs by the fire, and was laughing at something Peter must have said. The butterflies flared up again in her stomach, almost making her nauseous. There was something about his everything that made Lily unable to pull her eyes away until James actually turned his head and found her. It was like he had a sixth sense for when she was looking at him.

Emmeline pushed the shot into her hands again and she groaned as she saw from the corner of her eye that James was making his way over to them. She downed the shot for something to do and instantly regretted it. Not only did it burn going down, but she could feel it having an effect on her inhibitions almost immediately. James was getting closer and closer to them, and all she could think about was the butterflies in her stomach were now making their way up her throat.

“Evans! I’m back. Sirius gave me a pickup line to use on you but I’ve forgotten it on the walk over here. Dance with me?” he said, his intoxication showing.

“Potter, that has got to be the worst attempt at a pick up line Hogwarts has ever witnessed,” Emmeline teased up.

“Not true, Sirius used one in third year that compared Dorcas to a werewolf,” Marlene recalled.

“Thank you, Marls,” James said appreciatively. “What do you say Evans?”

James turned to her, and it took all her might not to jump him then and there.

“I’ll need to have a lesser grip on my inhibitions if I’m going to ever dance with you, Potter,” Lily joked.

Lily could just see the deflation in his face with her latest rejection. She felt herself beginning to melt and she vowed to herself that she wouldn’t drink anything more for the rest of the night. It seemed James had taken the opposite oath. Lily watched as James hovered near a tray of floating goblets, downing three in quick succession. Lily’s eyes followed him, transfixed, as he walked to the other side of the room.

“Am I missing something?” Emmeline asked, looking between Lily and James back.

“So much Em, so much,” Marlene giggled.

Lily shoved them both as she made her way to the pudding buffet, picking out a piece of treacle tart and finding a secluded spot in an armchair by the fire. The sound of Marlene’s cackles were drowned out by the music as she walked further away. The armchair she was sitting in was one of her favourites, with a long back good for hiding in. There were relatively few people by the fire, and none that would disturb her moment of peace with her pudding; or so she thought.

When someone suddenly settled on the armrest of her chair she sighed, expecting to see James. She was surprised to find Sirius perched beside her instead. She’d never much had anything to do with him specifically, moreso the Marauders as a whole, and wasn’t really sure what to make of him. Even after five years of knowing each other, she hadn’t gotten any closer to solving the mystery that was Sirius Black.

He was staring at the fire when he opened his mouth to speak.

“Evans, we are both royally fucked,” he said stoically.

“What?” she asked, bewildered.

“Exactly what I said. We’re fucked.”

A second person joined them over by the fire. This time, it was James. He didn’t see Lily at first, and instead tried to pull Sirius away and back to the centre of the party. Someone had levitated a cake over to the middle of the room, and others were helping to light the candles on top. The gasp he made when he finally realised Lily was in the armchair was comical. Lily fought hard to keep the smile off her face. In the time it had taken her to polish off her slice of tart, the shots he had downed had worked their magic and he was considerably more inebriated than when she had last seen him.

“Lily,” he whispered.

“James,” she had whispered back.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius roll his eyes. She wanted to hex him or something for ruining this small moment for her.

“My eyes. I think there’s something wrong with my eyes,” he began.

“We know… Hence the glasses,” Lily answered, confusion lacing her tone.

“No, I mean. I think there’s something else because- I can’t take them off you, Evans.” He broke into a grin as he finished his awful line.

“Oh, sod off you bellend,” she grumbled.

Sirius was barking with laughter beside her and clapping James on the back as she walked away. She grabbed another slice of pudding from the table and walked up to her dormitory. There were a thousand thoughts running through her mind on the walk upstairs. The main one, screaming at her over and over was the echo of Sirius’s earlier statement: she was, indeed, royally fucked.

* * *

Lily was completing her rounds of the castle on Thursday night with Remus. As they made their way downstairs, the only light that shone was the yellow from the torches in their brackets on the walls. They had caught at least three couples in broom cupboards this evening, and still had another full lap of the castle to go. The most recent of which was a couple from the year below hiding in a cupboard in the entrance hall. Still laughing at the look of shock on the students faces at being caught, they walked down into the cool of the dungeons. Lily gave an involuntary shiver and pulled her jumper sleeves down to cover her hands.

“Sorry about Saturday night,” Remus apologised.

“I can’t hold you accountable for the idiotic actions of your friends Remus,” Lily smiled back. “How did it all end, anyway? I went up to bed.”

“Come on Lily, you know how it ends; Sirius passed out in front of the fire and Peter with a piece of pudding in his hand. James actually managed to get up to his bed this time, so that was new.”  
  
Lily’s heart involuntarily skipped a beat at the mention of his name. She hated him for it; somehow this was his fault. She faked a laugh when Remus finished speaking. He looked at her puzzled, but didn’t question her about it. She was grateful for it.

“The only coherent thing I heard Sirius say all night was ‘we are royally fucked’,” Lily remembered.

The phrase had been playing across her mind since she’d heard him say it. And the longer she thought about it, the more true it reigned for her. Remus raised an eyebrow.

“‘We’? As in you and him?” he asked.

Lily mentally kicked herself for revealing that part. She still couldn’t understand how Sirius had known, especially in state that he was in that night. Somehow this was all his fault as well. Remus was still waiting for an answer, but she really had no idea what to say. She settled for shrugging her shoulders, hoping it would suffice. The look on his face seemed to say it didn’t, but he didn’t push it. She tried to change the topic.

“James was trying to hit on me whilst he said it, so I’m not too sure what he meant by it,” she deferred.

“Oh, I’ve already heard all about that, don’t you worry.” Remus chuckled, but again, Lily’s heart skipped a bit.

She felt like a child, getting excited over the fact that he had spoken about her to his friends. Of _course_ he had, he was James and she was Lily. This had been happening since the beginning of time, or something like that. It had never meant anything to her before, in fact it had been the bane of her existence. But now; now she was getting weak in the knees at the thought of his awful pick up lines.

There were so many conflicting parts to this mess Lily didn’t even know where to begin. On the one hand, she had never really cared much about what people thought; being a muggle born at Hogwarts had taught her to grow a thick skin. But after so obviously detesting him for all these years, it would definitely be hard for her to admit defeat. The fact that he was a massive bellend also played a major part and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t figure out how that had become somewhat insignificant to her. She had to admit though, he did seem to be not _as_ much of an arrogant toerag this year.

Lily had been stuck in her thoughts for so long, she hadn’t even realised they had made their way back up to the corridor that homed he entrance to Gryffindor Tower. They continued to walk in silence until they reached the Portrait of the Fat Lady. Remus stopped abruptly, and Lily almost walked into him.

“He’s a good man, Lily,” Remus said softly.

“I think I’m figuring that out,” she responded. Her cheeks flushed at her admission. “Don’t… Don’t say anything, please, Remus.”

“I’m good at keeping secrets.”

And with that he walked through the portrait hole, leaving her lost in her thoughts again. The portrait hole opened again, Marlene’s head sticking out.

“What are you doing? You look lost.” Marlene didn’t wait for her to answer before pulling her into the common room.

Several people were still awake, and she could see Remus had joined the remaining Marauders at a group of armchairs in the corner of the room. As she looked over, James looked up; her theory on his sixth sense proved truer every day. He smiled at her, that lopsided grin that made all the girls’ legs at Hogwarts go a bit jelloid. Lily was infuriated that _she_ was now included in that same category, and stormed up to her dormitory.

She heard James just before she closed the door. “What did I do?”

* * *

Sirius walked into Transfiguration behind James and sat down at his usual seat. He bent down to pull out his things, and received an elbow to the ribs. Sirius looked at James with annoyance and elbowed him back harder. James elbowed him again.

“What?” Sirius said with a grunt.

James pointed towards the front of the room where the topic of the day’s lesson was written on the board: Animagi.

A smirk crossed both their lips and when Peter and Remus turned around to waggle their eyebrows it turned into sniggers. McGonagall walked past them with her eyebrow raised, and it took everything Sirius had to keep a straight face. It didn’t take Sirius long to decide he was bludging this lesson; considering he had mastered the Animagus transformation himself last year, he was pretty sure he had it covered for his N.E.W.T.s. He took the opportunity to doodle all over his parchment instead.

At least half an hour had passed, maybe 45 minutes. He really needed to start wearing that watch the Potters had sent him for his seventeenth birthday. Sirius’s parchment was almost black all over with ink. _How fitting_ , he thought to himself. He glanced up, hoping to find something that would give him the time.

Now, Sirius isn’t much of a believer in fate. If he believed in fate, he’d have to admit how awful his life had turned out to be in his seventeen years. So if you asked him how the following events had happened, he wouldn’t be able to give you an answer. His theory had more to do with planets aligning, anyway.

It had been a rather cloudy day, which wasn’t unusual for a December in northern Scotland. So when a glimmer of sunlight peeked out from behind a cloud and shone through the window, that was Sirius’s first sign that something out of the ordinary was happening. The second, was that the sunlight hit the top of Remus’s hair just perfectly, so that it looked golden. The third, was the feeling Sirius got in his stomach at such a sight. He felt a bit nauseous, but he never wanted to look away ever again if he could help it. He rested his head on the palm of his hand, not caring when his elbow began to go numb.

He had so many questions. Why had he never noticed before? What was he supposed to do with this newfound information? Should he tell Remus? Should he tell _anyone_ ? Obviously he would tell James. James chose that moment to elbow him in the ribs, again. He made a mental note to hex him later for the bruises he was leaving (his elbows were pointed, the skinny git!). When Sirius eventually turned to look at him, all he did was wink. _Well_ , Sirius thought. That took care of one of his problems. Sirius kicked his leg under the desk for good measure. He snickered as James bent down to rub his shin.

The moment Sirius had in transfiguration wasn’t discussed until several hours later when Remus had left to do his prefect patrols and Peter had complained of a stomach ache and went up to bed early. James and Sirius were by the fire getting a headstart on the 16 inches of parchment McGonagall had asked of them on the dangers of the Animagus process. It was relatively late, past curfew at least, and there were only a few people left in the common room. Sirius heard James cough loudly, but ignored it in favour of finishing his essay. James coughed again, louder this time; Sirius looked up from his parchment begrudgingly.

“So,” James began.

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t believe it took you so long, Merlin you’re thick,” James said, a grin splitting his face in two.

“Fuck off, how could you know before I even know?” Sirius complained.

James rolled his eyes. “Neither of you are as subtle as you think; and I happen to be more intelligent than you give me credit for.”

“Neither? As in you think Remus likes me back?” Sirius let the hope light up his face.

James snorted, picking up his quill to put the finishing touches on his essay.

“James? Answer me!” Sirius whined.

James tried to reign in the smirk that was crossing his features but at that exact moment the portrait hole opened to show Remus, and full blown laughter escaped his body. Sirius punched James in the arm and the laughing stopped instantly. Remus looked at them with bewilderment, but didn’t question them as he’d grown used to their quirks over the years. As he watched Remus loosened the knot of his tie around his neck, Sirius’s breath hitched in his throat. His eyes continued to follow his walk upstairs to their dormitory, and he heard James snigger from beside him. Sirius thwacked him over the head with his Transfiguration textbook and made his own way upstairs, leaving James to guffaw in their corner of the common room alone.

* * *

Sirius was munching on a chicken drumstick when Remus got up from the Gryffindor table that evening. He had known it was coming; he checked the moon phases calendar he kept in his trunk everyday. It still didn’t stop the nausea from hitting his stomach every time Remus walked alone to the Hospital Wing. The remainder of his chicken wing sat half eaten on his plate and growing cold. He downed the rest of the pumpkin juice in his goblet, and anxiously tapped his foot under the table. He locked eyes with James across the table, a silent agreement passing between them to leave for the common room. None of them could ever really eat after Remus had left for the evening.

This was the worst part of it for Sirius. Patience was never his strongest virtue; he was definitely an action man. Remus always told him it would get him killed one day, and maybe it would but he’d rather be killed doing _something_ than waiting around and doing nothing. He walked through the portrait hole behind James and Peter, and slumped into the tallest chair by the fire. James and Peter played each other in a game of wizard chess on the coffee table in front of him. Sirius could never focus long enough during this time to play. Instead he passed his time staring into the fire, minutes passing by in what felt like hours.

He wasn’t sure how many games James and Peter managed to fit in, he only paid attention to them enough to see that James had given the signal. They got up as inconspicuously as they could, and walked behind the staircase leading up to the boys dormitories. Peter shrunk down to his animagus form, a small grey-haired rat. James put him in the pocket of his school trousers and threw his invisibility cloak over Sirius and himself. Sirius never got tired of the silky feeling of the cloak on his skin. They shuffled carefully towards the exit - a practiced and perfected walk so as to not lift the cloak and leave their ankles bare.

Their descent through the castle was stagnant; several times they had to plaster themselves to the wall to avoid Filch following after Mrs. Norris. At one point they had to duck into an empty classroom to stifle the laughter threatening to explode into the quiet of the castle. (They had walked past Filch in the midst of trying to whack Peeves with a broom for heckling Mrs. Norris.) Finally - after what felt like an eternity since they had been in the Great Hall - they reached the doors out to the castle grounds.

Sirius watched as James reached out to open the doors, and jumped when they creaked. He saw the grin stretch across James’s face and made a mental note to get him back for it later. They stepped out together and headed down towards the Whomping Willow. The night air was icy even from under the cloak and Sirius could feel his nose turning pink. He heard Peter’s squeaking from inside James’ pocket and itched to join him in his animal form. James pulled the cloak off the both of them and stored it in his back pocket. From the corner of his eye Sirius saw James’ stag appear next to him.

Sirius leaned forward and closed his eyes as he transitioned, preparing himself for for being on all fours. When he opened again, it was to see the giant black paws of the shaggy dog he had now become. His thought process as the dog changed completely; there were so many smells all around him and he was very easily distracted. The sight of the grass rustling where Peter ran towards the tree caught his eye, and reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing. He stayed far enough away from the base of the trunk until Peter’s rat paws pressed the knot at the bottom, stilling the willow’s branches.

Sirius ran towards the base, stretching the muscles in his legs as he did so. He heard the graceful trot of James’s stag to his right, and snorted. Even as an animal, James was a ponce. He bounded down the hole at the base followed by James and Peter. They walked in darkness along the tunnel towards the Shrieking Shack. The darkness didn’t bother him so much as a dog, all his senses were heightened in his animal form. He felt Peter climb up up onto his back, and let out an involuntary growl as his claws dug in to hold on. The closer they got towards the end of the tunnel, the louder the werewolf at the end became. Sirius could hear him snarling, and it made the his fur stand on end.

They reached the staircase, and by then Remus had calmed down. Still, Sirius plodded up slowly on all fours, muscles tensed and ready to attack should he need to. James was close behind, his hooves not quite as soft as the pads of Sirius’ paws on the wooden stairs. Sirius could sense Remus was close to the door, and knew that Remus could sense his own body moving closer. He nudged the door open softly with his nose, and walked through to see the wolf with it’s teeth bared by the wardrobe. As James tried to walk through the frame of the door, he bumped his antlers on side and broke the tension of the standoff. Sirius barked his laughter, and James bleated (bleated? Sirius wasn’t sure what you would call the noise that a deer made) and kicked the back of Sirius legs. Remus, curious, walked over to the group. Sirius nipped at his neck to encourage him to follow them back out the tunnel.

The wolf grunted, and Sirius locked eyes with him. Somewhere in there, Remus was still conscious. He could see his pupils were dilated, but the warm chocolate brown of his irises were growing bigger. Sirius barked in excitement, and bounded off down the tunnel again. Leaving the tunnel always seemed quicker than when they were entering, and before he knew it he was running free throughout the grounds. James was faster in his animagus form and cantered past him into the Forbidden Forest. He felt Remus flank him on his right and they ran together through the trees.

They had covered majority of the Forbidden Forest since they had had the opportunity to explore as animagus. There were two places they vowed they would never return to; a corner in the far east that was home to a colony of acromantula (the night they accidentally discovered this all four of them were nearly bitten); and a small clearing on the opposite side of the forest that the centaurs called home (the centaurs could sense they were human, and didn’t take well to them invading their space). They spent the evening in a clearing they had made for themselves, about a kilometre into the forest. It was the most peaceful evening they had had on the full moon since they had been able to join Remus in their animagus forms.

The clearing they had made was filled sparsely enough with trees so that they could still see the sky above. When it began to lighten, James whinnied (or something, does anyone know what noise a deer makes?) and signalled for them to return to the shack. Although the night had been peaceful, Remus’s wolfish form still had the telltale signs of exhaustion. When they approached the Whomping Willow again, Peter scurried down from James’s back and pressed the knot to allow them all to enter. As they all plodded back down to the Shrieking Shack, exhaustion was now beginning to take it’s toll on Sirius.

Remus the wolf curled up on the broken bed in the corner of the room. The sheets were all torn and the bedhead was snapped, but it did it’s job in that it was a place for Remus to get a moment of reprieve. He was slowly shifting back into his human form, less painful than the process of changing into the werewolf. James, Sirius, and Peter all transformed back into themselves. James performed what healing charms he knew on Remus to make the process easier for him. Sirius watched on, wincing every time something looked especially painful.

The sun was continuing its ascension into the sky; Sirius guessed it was close to five in the morning. He knew they needed to make their way back to the castle before everyone began to wake up, but he hated leaving Remus behind. James finished casting his spells and pulled the invisibility cloak out from his pocket. In the end, Sirius was forced to leave the sleeping human form of Remus behind. He promised to himself that one day he would be there to wake up with him after these long nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be afraid to tell me your thoughts ~ I'm on tumblr under the same user if you want to be anonymous :)


	4. Under Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay!!! I have been in a Stranger Things haze the last couple of days and completely forgot about editing the chapter for this week. Hope you enjoy this instalment, please let me know if you did!

It was just before seven when Lily made her way down to the Entrance Hall on a Thursday evening in late January. She was due to meet Emmeline for their prefect rounds, and was running slightly late. Even if she had been on time, she knew Emmeline would have beaten her there by at least a quarter of an hour. That was in part due to the Ravenclaw common room being several floors lower than Gryffindor tower, but also because that’s just who Emmeline always was and always would be. When Lily had finally arrived she found Emmeline on a bench to the left, using the fire in the brackets as her reading light. 

“If you keep reading in such poor lighting, you’ll have worse eyesight than Potter,” Lily teased. 

Emmeline jumped, so engrossed in her book she didn’t hear Lily’s footsteps. Lily snickered, to which Emmeline responded by whacking her lightly on the arm. She put her book away in her pocket (Emmeline was especially adept at charms and had charmed all the pockets of her robes to magically enlarge) and they set off together downstairs. The dungeons were especially cold this time of year and Lily was glad she had thought to wear an extra jumper underneath her cloak. They walked past a few empty classrooms, and so far hadn’t even come across one couple in a broom cupboard. However, as they turned onto the corridor that housed the entrance to the Slytherin chambers, they found it not as empty as it should be. 

“Who’s there?” Emmeline shouted, and Lily followed her towards the culprit. 

She didn’t recognise him at first, though his features all looked vaguely familiar; dark curled hair, a long aristocratic nose and stormy eyes. She realised it was the youngest Black, Regulus. 

“Regulus, isn’t it?” Lily asked. 

He nodded, but avoided their eye contact. 

“You know it’s past curfew?” Emmeline questioned. 

“I was just on my way back from the library, trying to finish up my Transfiguration homework,” he answered.

Lily raised an eyebrow, but didn’t have sufficient evidence to be suspicious. 

“Get in your common room then,” Emmeline urged. 

They watched as he entered the common room, waiting around for a couple more minutes to make sure he didn’t leave again. Half an hour passed as they continued to walk around the castle, and it was relatively uneventful. They had a run-in with Mrs. Norris on the second floor, and had to explain to Filch several times (for he was always a couple steps behind his beloved cat) that they were doing their round as prefects. When he was finally satisfied they weren’t breaking any rules, he hobbled away downstairs. Lily and Emmeline moved in the opposite direction up to the third floor, whilst giggling. 

As they stepped off the stairs Lily sensed something wasn’t right. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but a shared look with Emmeline told her she felt it too. Lily found her wand in the pocket of her robes, and kept her hand on it as they continued down the corridor. They passed a bathroom, and checked to see there was no one left in there. There was nothing more sinister than a leaking tap, but Lily still felt tense. She lead the way further down the corridor, turning the corner. She stopped abruptly, and Emmeline bumped into her from behind. 

“What is it, Lils?” She whispered. 

Lily couldn’t be sure, but there was a dark mass at the other end of the corridor. She ran to the end with her wand out and Emmeline close behind. The closer she became the more she was convinced it was a body. When they reached the end of the corridor she heard Emmeline gasp beside her. Lily knelt down and went into autopilot, checking for a pulse. 

“Her skin is cold, but there’s a faint pulse,” Lily said, barely above a whisper. “Do you know who it is?” 

“A third year, Hufflepuff I think. I’ve seen her at a couple of the Charms tutoring sessions,” Emmeline responded. 

“Is she…,”

“She’s muggleborn,” Emmeline said grimly.

Lily looked up at her, her face pale. 

“McGonagall.”

Emmeline nodded, and ran up the stairs to her chambers. Lily tried to remember in that moment the healing spells she’d been researching since having her careers talk with her with McGonagall the previous year. She breathed deeply a couple of times to calm herself down and set to work. She transfigured the dressing gown the girl was wearing into a blanket to warm her up. She listened for her breathing; it was shallow and ragged, but it was there. She muttered spells under her breath trying to assess her. There were red marks up and down her arms, nothing like she’d ever seen before. She began to panic, not having any idea what they were or how to treat them. 

At that moment, Emmeline returned with McGonagall in tow. Her usual emerald robes and tight black bun were traded for a long braid and a crimson dressing gown. She didn’t say a word, instead procured a stretcher out of thin air and levitated the girl onto it. Lily and Emmeline insisted on walking down to the Hospital Wing with her, in case anything else were to happen along the way. 

Madam Pomfrey answered the call immediately and helped the professor move the Hufflepuff onto the bed. She examined her quickly, and asked Lily a couple of questions about the healing she had already performed. 

“Minerva, a word please,” Madam Pomfrey said.

Lily waited with Emmeline by the entrance to the wing. Lily noticed the school healer’s face had paled, and Lily shared a look of concern with her friend. The conversation was had close enough that Lily and Emmeline could just make out what they were saying. 

“Those marks on her arms, they’re from the Cruciatus curse,” Madam Pomfrey whispered.

“Are you sure, Poppy? She’s only thirteen, who would do such a thing?” 

“I’ve only ever seen it a handful of times, but I’m certain that’s what caused it,” the matron replied insistently. 

Lily’s eyes widened, and her heart started to race. The war wasn’t supposed to touch them here. She’d always suffered the jeers of the pureblood elitists at school, but someone was attacking muggle borns inside the castle walls; a place where she thought she could feel safe. Her eyes began to water. She was so worried and for the first time in her life she had no idea what to do. She felt vulnerable and scared, and a need to protect so many people she cared for. She felt Emmeline squeeze her hand, and Lily turned instead to hug her. 

Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey walked back over to them where they had stayed next to the bed. 

“Thank you for your help here girls. I need you to go to bed now, and speak of this to no one. Professor Dumbledore and myself will investigate from here.” Professor McGonagall urged. 

The head of Gryffindor house gave them both a stern look, and Lily was astounded that she was able to keep a straight face that well. Both prefects nodded, and they left the Hospital Wing together. They walked hand in hand back up to Gryffindor tower, right up to the portrait of the Fat Lady. Lily hugged her best friend before muttering the password and walking through to the warmth of the Gryffindor common room. 

She found Marlene sitting by the fire with her Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook out, working on the homework they had been assigned earlier that day. Lily didn’t say anything, just curled up on the lounge next to her best friend. They were two of the last few people still up in the common room. Marlene didn’t ask a thing, but Lily was sure she could tell something was up. Instead, she passed Lily the half-eaten block of Honeydukes chocolate sitting beside her and let her best friend fall asleep on the warmth of her shoulder.

* * *

 

Lily had been planning her seventeenth birthday for months with the help of Marlene and Emmeline. When McGonagall had pinned the Hogsmeade dates up in the Gryffindor common room back in September, that had only increased her excitement for the day; her birthday had fallen on a Hogsmeade weekend. The last time her birthday had fallen on a Hogsmeade weekend she was in second year and hadn’t been allowed to venture into the small wizard’s village nearby. 

Unfortunately, finding the young girl on her rounds with Emmeline had shaken Lily. She had been trying to piece everything together to figure out who had attacked her and why they had gone to such lengths. She didn’t know the girl, but the fact that she was muggle-born was obvious; she couldn’t think of anything that would warrant such an attack which probably meant she was randomly chosen. That thought was even scarier for her than a direct attack would have been. And to hear that they had used an unforgivable curse on her… Lily was worried sick. It had kept her up for the four nights since the attack, and it was taking a toll on her. 

Thoughts of the war had been zooming around her head, about how naive she had been for thinking she was untouchable in the castle. She highly doubted it was any of the staff, but it was also highly implausible that Voldemort would have teenagers working for him as well. She definitely had her suspicions, and it broke her heart to think of who it might have been; but it only further cemented the decision she had made before the summer. 

Now, the night before her seventeenth birthday, she was exhausted. She was dozing off into her pudding, the first decent moment of sleep she had gotten in the last few days. She was in the early stages of a dream about a certain quidditch captain - who was watching her from five seats down the table and concern furrowing his brow - when Marlene nudged her awake. Lily woke with a start, disoriented at first and then grumbling to Marlene about being disturbed. 

“I know you need some extra beauty sleep at the moment Lils, but I don’t think your pudding would make the best pillow,” Marlene said, a sympathetic look on her round face. “C’mon, let’s get you upstairs.”

Lily followed Marlene to the other end of Gryffindor table. As she passed she accidentally made eye contact with James, and - knowing the dream she was just about to have - averted her gaze immediately as a blush coloured her cheeks. Marlene saw the bewildered look on James’s face, and turned to raise an eyebrow at Lily. Lily tried not to look guilty but she was a horrible liar. Marlene gave her that look again, the one that said  _ we’ll talk about this later _ that Lily knew all too well. 

Marlene swung an arm around Lily’s shoulders as they walked up the stairs to the girl’s dormitories. Lily rested her head on her friend’s shoulder, and a tear escaped from the corner of her eye. Marlene felt the drop land on her shoulder as they walked into their own dormitory. Lily felt Marlene turn to face her, and Marlene’s hands were on her shoulders. 

“Hey, Lils. You’re okay.”

“I know, I’m just tired I guess.”

Marlene pulled her close, and Lily instantly felt better. 

“I’ve got a spare sleeping draught, if you want it.”

“I didn’t even  _ think _ of that Marls, you’re a genius!” 

Marlene pulled the small vial of sleeping draft from out of her trunk, and gave it to Lily. Lily downed its contents like a shot. The effects of the draught were almost instantaneous. Her limbs were sluggish as she tried to change. Marlene intervened when Lily almost gave herself a concussion on her nightstand. If she could manage more than one thought at a time she might have been embarrassed at her clumsiness; instead all she felt was relief at the prospect of a good night’s sleep. 

She woke the next morning finally feeling well rested. It was a moment or two until she first remembered it was her birthday, and second realised there was a pile at the end of her bed. She peeked through the hangings around her bed and saw that Marlene and the rest of the girls she shared her living space with were all still sound asleep. Looking out the window, she could see the sun wasn’t very high and guessed it must have been around seven in the morning. She cast a  _ muffliato _ charm around her and tore open her presents. 

The first one she picked up she could tell was from Emmeline, if only for the way it was so neatly wrapped. She opened the present to find a beautiful set of golden scales she had been eyeing off at Diagon Alley over the summer. Even though no one could see her she was blushing; the cost of those scales were way too much and she’d have to convince Emmeline to swap them for something else later. 

The next one she picked up was from her parents. Someone must have told them about the wizarding traditions for turning seventeen; when she opened the box that contained her present, she saw the most beautiful golden watch. They had also sent along a care package of her favourite muggle sweets. She chewed on a piece of Highland Toffee whilst she opened the remaining presents. 

There was a card from Marlene and she half expected it to be an ‘I owe you a present’ note. She was extremely surprised to find that when she opened it, some sort of ticket fell out and onto her lap. She read through the card quickly, and was thankful she had remembered to cast the  _ muffliato _ charm when she shrieked her happiness. She peeked through her bed hangings again to see if Marlene was now awake. Lucky for Marlene that she was, because Lily was jumping on top of her regardless. 

“You bought me tickets to the world cup?! And here I was thinking it was an I-owe-you!” Lily cried, her eyes alight with excitement.

“Hey, I’ve only done that once!” Marlene complained.

“Who cares, this makes for all past and future forgotten birthdays,” Lily dismissed. 

Marlene feigned offence at Lily’s assumption and Lily rolled her eyes. They burst into a pile of hushed giggles, trying not to wake up the rest of the dorm. 

“Happy birthday Lils,” Marlene said.

Lily gave her best friend a hug, then got up to start getting ready for their day in Hogsmeade. She was at the foot of her bed digging around in her trunk for something warm enough to wear out in the cold.

“Who’s the last one from?” Marlene had asked, picking up a liquorice stick from Lily’s care package and chewing on it. 

Lily stood up to see what she was talking about. She hadn’t even noticed there was a fourth present there. It was wrapped messily, and the writing on the card was unfamiliar to her. She ripped the paper, not having the patience to wait any longer for the mystery gift. Inside she found the softest cloak she had ever felt. It was a brilliant fiery red, topped with golden highlights. She put the cloak on over her pajamas and stood in front of the full length mirror to see how it looked. She was in awe; the crimson of her hair blended seamlessly into the cape. The inside was lined with fleece that rivalled her blankets in keeping her warm. 

“Merlin, Lils, that coat is gorgeous.”

“Does it say who it’s from?” Lily asked, turning back to Marlene. 

Marlene picked up the card and scanned it quickly. She shook her head. Lily turned back to the mirror, transfixed by the subtlety of the highlights. Marlene moved to her own trunk and sifted through her clean laundry for something to throw on for the day. Lily followed suit, and returned to what she had pulled out before being interrupted by the mystery present. She pulled out her favourite outfit that included her Queen tour shirt from when her parents had seen them live in 1975 (she was  _ devastated _ she couldn’t be there and she had begged her parents to take her out of school for the months leading up to it). She looked over to see Marlene had changed into her trademark bell-bottomed jeans. She had tied a ribbon around her hair to keep it out of her face, but for the most part her dark curls sat freely. Lily ran a hand through her hair quickly and threw it up into a messy bun. 

“Ready?” Marlene asked.

Lily grabbed her wand from beside her bed and the mysterious new cloak, then lead Marlene downstairs to the Great Hall. Emmeline jumped on her the second she stepped through the entryway, wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug and wished her happy birthday. Lily laughed when she saw Emmeline’s eyes bulge out of her head at noticing her cloak.

“I’ve read about those! That’s a phoenix feather cloak, they’re extremely rare. They’re supposed to have similar abilities to an actual phoenix,” Emmeline gushed. 

“Wicked.” Marlene exclaimed. 

“Wow,” Lily murmured. 

As the three of them sat down at Gryffindor table to eat their breakfast, Lily’s mind wandered back to the writing on the card; she tried to think of anywhere she had ever seen it before, but she came up blank. Her only relief was that she knew it couldn’t be Severus, she’d recognise his chicken scratch anywhere. She was interrupted from her thoughts by McGonagall’s announcement from the staff table. 

“Students from third year and up may now make their way down to the carriages to Hogsmeade station. Any students who have not yet provided a signed permission form are not permitted to depart the castle.”

Lily finished the last bit of her toast and rose from her seat, waiting for Marlene and Emmeline to follow her. They walked arm in arm down the front steps of the castle towards the the waiting area for the magically pulled carriages. Snow had fallen overnight and covered the grounds. Lily was thankful for her new cloak as she pulled it tighter around her to keep out the iciness of the winter air. They jumped into the next carriage that pulled up and Emmeline asked Lily about her other presents. Lily told her about the watch her parents had bought, as well as the world cup tickets from Marlene. When telling off Emmeline for spending so much on her, Emmeline had insisted it wasn’t a problem - which Lily had rolled her eyes at. 

“You only turn seventeen once Lily,” Emmeline said. 

“You only turn any age once.”

“Oh hush.”

Marlene and Lily giggled for the remainder of the carriage ride. When they arrived in Hogsmeade, their first stop was at Gladrag’s. Emmeline insisted they confirm with the witch who owned the store that it was indeed a phoenix feather cloak. Their next stop was Dominic Maestro’s, so Marlene could see if the new Hobgoblins record was available. They stopped in at Pippin’s potions to pick up a couple of the essentials; sleeping draughts, wit-sharpening potions, and Marlene insisted on a couple of hangover cures (“it’s going to be a wild one tonight Lils, you’ll thank me in the morning.”)

Their fourth stop was Honeydukes sweet shop. Honeydukes had become somewhat of a saving grace during her time at Hogwarts. She had ventured to the store so many times, she knew exactly where everything was. She stocked up on treacle fudge, no-melt ice cream and sugared butterfly wings. She saw Marlene stocking up on several items, including pumpkin pasties and chocolate frogs, most likely for her secret stash up in their dorm. Emmeline picked out a couple of Honeyduke’s Finest bars of chocolate, and they all met up at the counter. The three of them looked at the other’s handfuls and laughed at the selections (or the amount of selection in Marlene’s case). They filled their pockets with their newly purchased sweets and stepped out of the warmth of the store into the chill of the winter’s day. 

Their footprints followed them in the snow, and Lily was glad she had worn her old Doc Martins as they kept the wet out and the warmth in. They trudged along towards the Three Broomsticks, the most popular bar in the wizarding village. Marlene pushed the door open and a burst of sound came out. It was always pretty packed on a Hogsmeade weekend, and this one was no different. Emmeline lead the way to a booth left of the door, whilst Marlene went to the bar to get the first round of drinks. She came back with two for each of them; a shot of firewhiskey and a butterbeer each. 

“Marlene!” Lily cried. 

Marlene had a mischievous glint in her eye. “Drink up, birthday girl.”

Lily conceded and downed the shot Marlene had placed in front of her. She heard cheers from her best friends as she tilted her head back. When she slammed the cup back down on the table in front of her, she saw Dorcas and Mary had joined them. They were laughing, and as the firewhiskey hit her bloodstream she joined them. She sipped at her butterbeer and the foam tickled her upper lip. In that moment she was extremely glad she had let Marlene convince her she still needed to celebrate. 

Several more shots appeared in front of her, a chorus of “Shot! Shot!” chanted around the booth each time. She was embarrassingly drunk, but it was her birthday, and she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Marlene was smart enough earlier in the day to order baskets of hot chips for them all to share, and Lily was munching on one as they were joined by another group. 

“Alright, Evans?” A familiar voice called to her. 

She looked up from the basket in the middle of the table to see James had sat down in the booth across from her. Sirius, Remus and Peter had also squeezed in around them. Lily had never noticed before but the booths must have been enchanted to enlarge; there was no way the nine of them would all be able to fit in the same one otherwise. She couldn’t dwell on it now either, for the sight of James had caused her heart to flutter again. He was grinning at her in a way that made her glad she was already sitting. Her cheeks flushed and she hoped she could pass it off as a fault of the alcohol. Merlin, he got to her so easily.

“Jim, be a dear and budge over would you,” Marlene said, a tray of firewhiskey shots trailing behind her. 

James moved around the booth so that he was now seated next to Lily. Lily shot daggers in Marlene’s direction and received Marlene’s most innocent smile in return. She saw Remus cough into his butterbeer and she kicked him under the table. Marlene slid a shot of firewhiskey to everyone seated at the booth. Lily watched as Marlene picked her own up and tapped it with her wand as she cleared her throat.

“A toast: to Lily!”

“To Lily!” The booth shouted in unison. 

Lily downed her shot with the rest of them and felt the fire of the alcohol mix with the butterflies in her stomach. She shivered with the feeling. 

“Are you cold?” James asked from next to her. 

Lily had almost forgotten her was so close. Almost. 

“Quite the opposite, in fact,” she replied. 

She pulled the basket of chips closer to her in an attempt to sober up. She hadn’t been expecting James to appear, and she was far more intoxicated than she’d like to be around him. He reached for the chips at the same time as she did and their hands brushed. Lily felt a zap of electricity run through her body and she hoped he didn’t notice that she had jumped. His left arm was placed atop the high back of the booth - meaning it was behind her - and a small smile formed on her face. Her eyes roamed across James arm to his face; her grin broadened as he finished his mouthful.

“Er, is there something on my face, Evans?” He asked in a rare moment of insecurity, and Lily watched as his hand instinctively moved to ruffle his hair. 

“Why do you always do that?” She asked. 

“Do what?” he replied.

“That thing with your hand, you know,” she said, imitating the movement he just made.

“I don’t… know? I guess I can stop,” he said.

“NO,” she shouted back. He looked at her in confusion, and when she answered his wordless question she was soft, “I like it.”

His signature grin spread across his face and the hand that had messed up his hair was back behind her on the booth. Lily felt that jolt of electricity again, this time throughout her whole body. She had made him smile like that. That feeling alone could make her drunk, and she couldn’t help the matching grin that was plastered on her own face.

Somebody pushed another shot in front of her, and another and another until she had lost count. She was certain that if she tried to get up she would collapse immediately. She tried to read the time on the watch her parents had sent her but she couldn’t focus her eyes on the tiny numbers of the clock face. It occurred to her that they had probably missed the carriages back up to the castle. She voiced her concerns aloud. 

“Don’t worry, we know how to get back into the castle a different way,” James assured her.

“A few actually,” Sirius piped up. 

“Of course you do,” Lily said with an eyeroll. 

Lily wasn’t sure how late it was when they decided to get up to leave, only that it was dark outside. When she slid across the booth and stood up she almost toppled over. She felt James’s hands wrap around her arms to steady her. 

“Alright, Evans?” he asked, a grin on his face. 

He had to be almost as drunk as she was. She was sure of it. That’s why she decided kissing him on the cheek in thanks was a good idea, because he most likely wouldn’t remember. But when she tried to lean up to reach his cheek she almost fell over again. He caught her again with a chuckle, his reflexes sharp from quidditch even through the alcohol haze. She thought maybe it was best that she hadn’t been able to do what she originally intended. He picked up her cloak from where she’d left it on the seat and wrapped it around her shoulders. She could feel the warmth of his breath fan across her cheek. Her lips tingled in response. She wanted desperately to know if he could feel it too.  

“Coming Lily?”

It was then she noticed everyone else had already left the bar and were waiting for them outside. It had snowed a substantial amount in the hours they had spent inside. Her foot sunk further into the snow as she expected. James caught her for the third time in a span of five minutes. Lily looped her arm through James’s to keep from falling over a fourth time. 

“Happy Birthday, Lily,” she heard him whisper.

* * *

 

It was a rare occasion that Sirius was on time for a potions lesson. He and James were always running down from Gryffindor tower to make it on time (Remus and Peter had both dropped the class after their O.W.Ls). This particular Friday - even after stopping in the kitchens on their way down to the dungeons - they managed to make it to their potions classroom on time. Sirius took his regular seat towards the right side of the classroom next to James, and polished off the last few mouthfuls of his bacon sandwich before Slughorn even came out to greet them. There was a cauldron up the front of the room with a potion already brewing, it aromas wafting across the room. An earthy smell, something that reminded him of being Padfoot, mixed with a distinctly Remus smell, like one of his cardigans or the sheets in his bed.

He saw Lily’s eyes bulge from her seat across the room as she read what Slughorn had written on the board:  _ Amortentia _ . The word sounded familiar to him, but he couldn’t place where exactly he’d heard it before. From the look on Lily’s face, she wasn’t looking forward to today’s lesson. He turned to James, but he had gone all googly-eyed. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary when Lily was around, but he thought James had gotten much better at masking it over the years. Sirius stared at him in bewilderment until the sounds of Slughorn moving from his office to the dungeon classroom distracted him. 

Apparently unaware of the leftover crystallized pineapple covering his lip, he addressed the class. “Good morning, sixth years! Today, I will be teaching you about the strongest love potion in existence: Amortentia.”

Sirius tried to rack his brains for anything he had ever heard about the potion, but he was at a loss. An unusual sensation for him, but not especially unusual that it was happening in potions class. A look at James to his left again showed he had no clue what was happening. Slughorn continued on with his explanation. 

“The most powerful, as it will cause the drinker to have an obsessive, forceful infatuation. Dangerous to underestimate a powerful infatuation, don't you know,” Slughorn said with a chuckle. 

“Can anyone tell me any of the properties of this particular potion?” Slughorn scanned the room, although no one was either willing to or knew the answer. “Miss Evans?” 

He stopped on Lily, and Sirius watched as she cringed before rearranging her features into a pleasant smile. 

“The amortentia potion is has a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen. The steam that rises from the potion smells different to each person, depending on what attracts them,” Lily recited. 

“Excellent work Miss. Evans, ten points to Gryffindor,” Slughorn said with delight. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. He swore Slughorn got a hard on every time Lily opened her mouth. At least now the smells from before were making sense, as well as James’s face. He could probably smell Evan’s dirty socks. He wondered, though, what Lily could smell that made her so worried. Sirius tuned Slughorn’s dithering out and missed the instructions he had given the rest of the class. He only noticed the Professor had stopped speaking when the rest of the class began to move about the room. He turned to James who then shrugged at him to say  _ I don’t know either _ , and Sirius snorted. He peered over at the desk next to him and saw their potions textbook open on the recipe, and he figured he should do the same. James peered over his shoulder at the ingredients, and Sirius face scrunched up when he saw Lionfish heart on the list. 

They set to work on creating the potion together, but with the cauldron of Amortentia brewing so close to them it was hard to concentrate. Sirius felt like he was battling through it, it was so easy to get distracted in daydreams of him and Remus lounging by the Black Lake. By the end of the class he was thoroughly exhausted. His potion had ended up with a matte blue finish which he thought was quite good seeing as his brain had basically been taken over with fantasies. He looked around the room and noted the only person who had managed to get close was Lily. Sirius noted her eyes kept darting in their direction, and she looked quite flustered. However, she had managed to produce a potion with a lavender colour and a slight sheen. 

For the first time he could remember, Snape’s potion had finished off worse than his own. His cauldron looked like it held something closer to the consistency of a dark mud. Sirius nudged James to get his attention, and they had to turn away to hide their sniggers. Whilst Sirius had been perusing the potions of his peers, Slughorn had been making his own assessments. He finally returned to the front of the room and cleared his throat. 

“After assessing the potions around the room, it’s plain there is a clear winner: Lily Evans, congratulations on such a brilliant potion. It pains me to say this, as I’ve always believed you would do great in my own house, but 20 points to Gryffindor!” 

Lily blushed and thanked the potions master, but her eyes flickered in their direction again. It dawned on Sirius what she must have been smelling. A smirk crept onto his face, then turned into a laugh as Lily’s eyes widened again at his face and she rushed to pack up her work station and go. Sirius took his time with his own things, watching from the corner of his eye as Mulciber stood in the way of her leaving. Sirius searched the room for Slughorn, but it seemed he had already retreated to his office where the promise of crystallized pineapple was waiting for him. 

“So whose potion did you steal, Evans?” Mulciber said with a sneer. “Everyone knows a mudblood can’t do magic like that.”

Sirius pulled his wand out in anticipation of a fight, and noticed James had beat him to it. Snape had moved to stand beside Mulciber now with an uncomfortable expression on his face. Sirius, being behind Lily didn’t see her roll her eyes but he knew from her tone that she had done so. 

“Haven’t you come up with any new material yet, Mulciber? I can almost predict word for word what you’re going to say to me now,” she said drily. 

She moved to stepped around him, but was blocked again. There was a scuffle where Lily tried to push him out of the way and Mulciber stood in her path like a brick wall. James shot a hex at Mulciber, and yellow pus began to ooze from his nose. Lily turned back to face James with a scandalised look. 

“I don’t need  _ you _ to fight my battles for me, Potter!” she yelled, throwing a bat bogey hex over her shoulder as she stormed off. 

Mulciber was attending to his nose as Snape sneered at them both. “You’ve got to be tired of the continuous hits to your ego now, Potter surely. How long until you get the hint, or are you too thick to realise?”

“Do you ever get tired of hearing your own voice, Snivelly?” Sirius asked him, before shooting a stinging hex in his direction. 

With both Slytherins on the floor of the classroom, Sirius and James took the opportunity to escape back to the light of the rest of the castle.

* * *

 

Sirius walked into the Great Hall as Remus was leaving for the Hospital Wing. Flitwick had held him back after charms that afternoon for not paying attention, and had gotten him to help with setting the classroom up for his first years the next morning. He sat down across from James and Peter at the Gryffindor table and served himself a pile of pork sausages and mashed potatoes. There wasn’t much discussion, as they were all focused on shovelling food into their mouths before they had to go. James got up from the table and Peter followed suit. 

“Don’t be long,” James reminded him.

Sirius nodded and it was almost comical, with his mouth so full from his food. He finished his meal in record timing and within minutes he was walking through the doors into the entrance hall. 

“All alone, Black? No filthy friends to accompany you?” Sirius heard a familiar sneer from behind him. 

His right hand fingered his wand in his cloak as he spun around. 

“Who’re you calling filthy, Snivellus? When’s the last time you bathed?” Sirius jeered in response. 

He walked off around the corner, thinking Snape would be heading in the opposite direction down to the dungeons. He was unfortunately wrong, as he heard Snape’s reply. 

“At least all I need to do is bathe to wash it off, can’t say the same for your dear friend Remus,” Snape smirked with that.

Sirius saw red. Even before he had figured out how he felt about Remus he would have been angered by Snape’s statement, and now it just made him feel murderous. He spun around again, this time pinning Snape to the stony wall of the empty corridor with his forearm. 

“You think you’re so clever don’t you? Bet you’ve never figured out how to get past that Whomping Willow. You really want to see how filthy Remus can be? Poke the knot at the bottom of the trunk,” Sirius snarled, all the while pressing down on Snape’s throat so it became harder for him to breathe. 

He left Snape gasping for air as he stormed upstairs to Gryffindor tower. He stepped through the portrait hole and almost collided with James. 

“Where have you been?” James asked, tapping his foot.

“I had a run in with Snape. Never mind him now, he won’t be fucking with us anymore,” Sirius dismissed. 

“What? What did you do, Sirius?” James pressed. 

“I uh, just told him to poke the knot at the bottom of the Whomping Willow,” Sirius explained. 

“What the fuck Sirius?” James was incredulous. 

“What? He deserves a beating from that deranged tree,” Sirius said, defensive. He couldn’t understand why James was being a prat about something he did to  _ Snivellus _ of all people. 

“Have you thought about what this would do to Remus? How he would feel if anything were to happen?” James was fuming by now. 

James didn’t wait for an answer. Sirius watched him run back through the portrait hole, before kicking the wall next to him and yelling a few choice words. A couple of students nearby looked at him in annoyance, but Sirius ignored them. 

“That was… probably not your best idea mate,” Peter added. 

“No fucking kidding,” Sirius replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr under the same user, @wotcherpotter


	5. Who Needs You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally my only excuse for being this later is I just got Sims 4 so um............. Enjoy!

There was a desk up the back of the library between the potions and the history of magic section that was Lily’s favourite. Her favourite because rarely did someone ever come looking a for a book in either section, which meant it was actually silent like it should be (Madam Pince did her best but she was one librarian against an army of many untameable students). She loved her fellow Gryffindors but they were the usual culprits disturbing the peace of the library, and so that meant the common room was a no go for serious study time as well. Which is why, on a Sunday late in March, Lily could be found in said spot working on the week’s homework. It was actually quite cozy; she was curled up on her chair (having transfigured it to replicate the cushioned armchairs by the fire in the common room) close to one of the few windows in the library, and rain was splattering on it from outside. A fire burning in it’s bracket nearby kept her warm. It wasn’t quite the level of the common room but a necessary sacrifice . 

She had almost finished all the work she had to catch up on, and was putting the finishing touches on a charms essay on the importance of mastering non-verbal spells. She’d left it for last because although it was advanced magic, charms was one of her best subjects and the theory behind it came naturally to her. When they had begun the topic in class last Thursday, she was able to disarm Marlene non-verbally within the first twenty minutes. She couldn’t help but preen slightly, proud of herself for beating the rest of the class, including James and Sirius whom she was always in competition with for top of the class. 

The sound of footsteps neared her, and pulled her out of her daydream. She felt a tinge of annoyance. Out of the corner of her eye she tried to see who was disturbing her, and her annoyance turned to worry. Two of her least favourite people in the entire castle sat down across from her at her desk. The hand she had curled up in her lap moved to fondle her wand in the left pocket of her robes. She didn’t look up from her parchment however, instead continuing to finish the sentence she had begun. One of them coughed to get her attention. She sighed, put her quill down and looked up at them both.

They were handsome, and they both knew it. The sharpness of their jaws, the green of their eyes that was so similar to hers it made her feel a bit uneasy. But there was an ugliness mixed into it, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She had appreciated from afar when she was younger, until she had learned from Marlene the kind of people they really were and the families they were from. It was this that made her believe that the way people were inside really did show through, and she had always tried her best to be kind to everyone because of it. 

“You’re a fool for testing our patience, Evans,” Mulciber sneered softly so as not to be heard. 

Lily rolled her eyes, and moved to pick up her quill again. Avery - sitting across from her - beat her to it and twirled it around his own fingers. Lily’s fingers tightened around her wand. 

“The Dark Lord wants to recruit us,” Avery jeered. “You ought to be careful around us.”

Lily couldn’t help the snort that escaped her. “Oh please, as if  _ you’d _ know what Voldemort wants. You’re barely of age, what use are you to him?”

“You keep his name out of your filthy mouth, dirty mudblood,” Mulciber spat venomously. 

“We’re more connected than you think Evans. And with talk like that, you’ll be next on our list,” Caleb whispered.

He punctuated the end of his sentence by dropping her quill back on the desk. They rose together in unison and walked away from her, leaving the library. 

Lily wouldn’t say she was worried but something about the encounter with her Slytherin peers gave her the chills, and she didn’t feel like being alone anymore. She hastily scribbled the last sentence of her charms essay before packing everything up, transfiguring the chair back to the wooden model it was originally and walked briskly out of the library. Her fingers were still wrapped around her wand just in case, and she checked the coast was clear before making her way up towards Gryffindor tower. 

“Aqua vitae,” she muttered to the Portrait of the Fat Lady. It swung forward and she entered the common room, scanning for her best friend. She found her on the loveseat closest to the fire, her nose buried deep in a defence against the dark arts textbook. Lily dumped her bag on the floor beside the lounge and kicked off her shoes so that she could curl up comfortably next to Marlene. Lily’s head rested on Marlene’s shoulder and a shiver rocked through her body. 

“Rough day?” Marlene prompted.

It was enough for Lily to launch into the story of what had just happened in the library. Marlene closed her textbook and rested it on the coffee table in front of them, which freed her hands to wrap around Lily in an embrace. As Lily recounted the last half hour’s events, she felt the worry rising in her throat like bile. Or maybe it was tears. She was scared, not exactly of Mulciber and Avery, but of the fact that there were people outside the castle that actually wanted her dead for something she couldn’t control. The war was closing in on her and she was only a teenager, just one girl and she wasn’t sure how to communicate this to Marlene because all these thoughts were scrambling around in her head and none of it was coherent. Marlene was always a soothing presence, though, and Lily soon felt her hands softly detangling the knots in her hair. 

She lifted her head off Marlene’s shoulder and sat up to face her. There was a smile on her best friend’s face, but Lily could see the worry clouding her eyes similarly to her own.

* * *

 

Lily was usually one of the first Gryffindors down to breakfast on Sunday mornings. She enjoyed the quiet serenity, and the opportunity to have first choice of the smorgasbord the house elves prepared. The following Sunday after what she referred to as the library incident, the peace of the morning was broken by Marlene’s grumbles at being roused from her sleep. Lily had taken to dragging her along with her everywhere she went (which wasn’t much different than before as they had always spent so much time together). Lily hadn’t explicitly said she didn’t feel comfortable by herself around the castle, it was more of a mutual understanding that had passed between them. Normally on a Sunday morning Marlene was one of the last to rise (Lily wasn’t sure how she could sleep in until lunch but she managed it without fail  _ every _ Sunday). And so Lily didn’t mind so much that her friend was disturbing the calm of her favourite time of the day because it meant that Marlene was sitting next to her at the Gryffindor table and she could feel content. 

She piled her plate with bacon and beans, and put a plate together with the same for Marlene beside her, knowing Marlene would be more agreeable once she had food in her stomach. As Lily poured herself a goblet of orange juice, movement in the entry to the Great Hall caught her eye. The Marauders, sans Sirius, walked through the large doors and headed towards the Gryffindor table. She had noticed absence among them quite often and wondered if it had something to do with the seemingly eternal detentions he had been serving. Not that Lily was keeping tabs on them, she just happened to look up at a fortuitous moment. And  _ not _ that she cared, but she was almost positive that it was James’s 17th birthday and he was doing a terrible job of being a pompous git about it. 

She watched as James sat a few seats up the table from where she was next to Marlene. An odd choice, she thought, since the spaces were empty and ordinarily he would have sat as close as he could get to her. 

“Potter,” she said, trying to give off an air of nonchalance. 

Marlene perked up considerably to her right, and Lily had a feeling it had nothing to do with the bacon she had consumed. Lily ignored her, and watched as James looked around for the person who had spoken his name. His eyes widened in surprise when he realised, and Marlene snorted from beside her. Lily elbowed her in the ribs. 

“Evans?”

Lily rolled her eyes. God she was good at this faking it business. “Yes it was me, you berk. Why so glum? It’s not everyday a wizard turns 17.”

“You remembered my birthday? Careful, I might start to think you fancy me, Evans. What’s next, we start getting along?”

“You know, if you  _ weren’t _ such an arrogant toerag I wouldn’t have to hate you.”

James put a hand over his heart. “You wound me, Evans.”

Despite his proclamation, he seemed closer to his cheery self. Lily smiled back at him. 

“Happy birthday, James.”

Butterflies had risen in her stomach at the smile on his face. He really was dazzling. She’d never say it out loud of course, his head would grow three sizes too big and then they’d be back to square one. Lily was pulled out of her daydream by Marlene, who had been watching the entire exchange with stifled laughter. She kicked Lily’s shin underneath the table, and Lily scowled at her as she bent to rub what would surely turn into a bruise on her leg. James was still looking at her, confusion now crossing his features and Lily blushed. Thankfully, Remus pulled him into a conversation before James could say anything further. Lily turned to face her best friend and was met with suggestively raised eyebrows. Lily threw a kipper in her direction in retaliation.

* * *

 

Sirius had been avoiding his ‘friends’ ever since the night of what he now referred to as ‘The Incident’ (of course, there had been many an incident in the life of Sirius Black, however none were The One And Only Incident). James was right; he hadn’t thought at all about what could have happened. James had run to risk his life for  _ Snape _ of all people, and it was Sirius’s own fault. He did what he could to fix up the shit storm he had created and ran to McGonagall, turning himself in in the process. McGonagall had sent him to Dumbledore’s office and told him to wait for her. That was when Sirius thought for sure he’d be expelled. 

He waited in front of the gargoyle that kept guard of the Headmaster’s office for what felt like an eon, pacing back and forth. He wasn’t much of a pacer, that was more James’s thing but he guessed he should be trying to take a leaf out of his mate’s book and stop being the world’s biggest bellend. When he heard footsteps echoing in the empty corridor he almost heaved a sigh of relief. Before he’d even had a chance to, the sight of Snape  _ and _ James glaring at him stopped him and he turned his gaze to the stone floor. His night just kept getting worse, and he hated himself for thinking that because Moony was out on the grounds all by himself and would surely have multiple deep scratches on himself by the morning. Which reminded him; would Remus ever speak to him again after he found out? 

He was pulled from his thoughts by McGonagall’s voice uttering the password to the Headmaster’s office. 

“Gobstoppers.” 

The rumble of the staircase spiralling upwards was the only sound echoing off the walls of the corridor. When the rumbling ceased McGonagall stepped onto the staircase, followed by James, then Snape, and finally himself. The landing out the front of the large oak doors seemed to magically enlarge the more people encroached. McGonagall rapped on the door three times, and Sirius remembered feeling them wrack throughout his body. 

A soft, “Come in,” was uttered from the other side of the door. 

Sirius had sat in the Headmaster’s office several times throughout the course of his Hogwarts education, most of them with James and none of them for rule-breaking as awful as he had done tonight. Usually, he would be in awe of the office, of the intricacies, the many instruments whirring and shining all over the office (no matter how many times you entered Dumbledore’s office it was impossible to  _ not _ be awestruck). But tonight he looked at nothing. He could feel nothing but the sickness of dread; dread for what would happen to Remus most of all; second what would happen to his friendship with Remus and James; third, what would happen to himself as punishment. 

Vaguely Sirius registered Dumbledore had motioned for the three of them to sit down across from him. Sirius had already accepted his fate, he was so sure that he would be expelled and forced to live on the streets and beg for food scraps (surely he wouldn’t be welcomed back to the Potter’s now that James hated him and he’d rather die on the street than move back into the hell house where his mother lived). 

There was a moment when McGonagall filled Dumbledore in on the situation, though somehow he already seemed to be aware of majority of the specifics. Even through his dread, Sirius allowed himself a moment to wonder how Dumbledore always seemed to know everything about everything. As the whispered conversation between his two professors ended, McGonagall stood to Dumbledore’s right (across the desk from Sirius) with her lips pursed. Dumbledore turned to face him, his face grave, and Sirius gulped. 

“Mister Black. Your actions this evening have put the lives of your fellow students in danger, an action I cannot forgive. I must insist that you complete detention every evening for the rest of the year, helping out Mister Filch with whatever he sees fit,” Dumbledore said sternly. 

Sirius nearly fell out of his chair when he heard Dumbledore say  _ detention _ and not  _ expulsion _ . If looks could kill, he was sure he would be dead from the way Snape was glaring at him. Sirius chanced a glance to his left and saw that James was staring defiantly ahead, his arms folded across his chest. 

“I hope you do not take this lightly, Mister Black. I’m trusting you understand the severity of the situation.”

Sirius nodded solemnly, knowing full well that he  _ should _ have been expelled for what he had done. Dumbledore turned to James then, seated in the middle. Sirius looked down at his hands in his lap. 

“Mister Potter. First, I must express how incredibly foolish it was of you to run so head on into a dangerous-”

“Professor!” James cried. 

Sirius looked up then, and saw Dumbledore raise his hand calmly and urge James to stop. James was seething in his chair beside him.

“As I was saying, it was an incredibly dangerous situation. However, were it not for your rash thinking, I believe Mister Snape would not be sitting here beside you. For your bravery, I am awarding you an Order of Merlin, First Class.”

Sirius saw James’s eyes widen in shock. He felt his own bulge slightly as well, and noticed that Snape’s had shrunk to slits on his face. 

“Thank you, Professor, it’s not necessary, honest.”

“Nonsense; you risked your life to save another. Now gentlemen, if you could leave Mister Snape with myself and Professor McGonagall. I trust you will make your way straight to Gryffindor common room. Good night.”

Dumbledore waved his hand the door to his office opened behind them. Sirius again followed James down the stairs. As he stepped off the stairway they sunk into the ground below, leaving the gargoyle in their place. James had already walked halfway down the corridor and left Sirius behind. He thought for a second that that was it, that maybe James would just give him the silent treatment and be done with it. He should have trusted his intuition, because he had spent almost every minute with James for the last 6 years. James surprised him by doubling back, and punched him square in the jaw. 

“Fuck,” Sirius yelled, spitting blood from his mouth. 

The sound echoed throughout the corridor and bounced off the walls. By now it was so late that not even the prefects were patrolling, and there were no other bodies in the hallways of the castle to muffle their nose. 

“You never think of anyone besides yourself,” James yelled. 

He punched Sirius again, this time in his stomach. Sirius doubled over, but managed to surprise James by landing a punch of his own. 

“Should have known, it’s in the name,” James seethed. 

“I did it  _ for _ Remus,” Sirius had tried to explain, anger shaking his voice. 

“ _ FOR _ Remus? Are you dim?” James spluttered.

He pushed Sirius away, causing him to fall back into the wall of the corridor. 

“You’re more like your mother than I thought,” James said venomously.

* * *

 

Sirius was sat in the Astronomy tower by himself. He’d taken to doing that over the last couple of weeks, just to get out of the dorm he shared with who used to be his friends. The animosity between the four of them was dangerous, and every time they were in the same room Sirius could cut the tension with a knife. He had felt like an outsider in a place that used to feel like home. 

He had tried to speak to Remus the morning after, down in the hospital wing. It was early morning, before seven at least, and Sirius peeked his head through the door to the Hospital Wing. Remus was the only one occupying one of the beds, and so even though there was a curtain around him Sirius knew where to go. He pulled the curtain back, and was surprised to see Remus was conscious. Barely, but Sirius saw his eyes flutter at the sound of the curtain being pulled back. His face was so pale, his breaths were shallow and a deep gash marred his left arm. Sirius hadn’t seen him this bad since pre-animagus days. 

At first, Sirius had tried to pretend nothing had happened. He planned to ease into the conversation, break it to Remus as gently as possible to try and save face. It became apparent almost as soon as he opened his mouth that his approach was doomed. James had clearly gotten in before Sirius and told Remus what had happened, because Remus refused to even look at him. In the end, Madam Pomfrey had shooed him away when she brought Remus his breakfast, and Sirius had sulked all the way up to the Great Hall. Remus still hadn’t spoken a word to him since the Charms lesson they’d had the day of the full moon. 

He knew he’d crossed a line; hindsight was always 20/20; and in his time of solitude he’d mulled it over multiple times. What he would change if he could, said differently, done differently. It wasn’t enough for James and Remus though. He could understand that, now that he’d had a chance to think everything through. It still made him feel sick thinking about what could have happened; not the fact that Snape would be dead (or at least maimed), but the way it would have tortured Remus. He understood that now.

But he couldn’t string two words together to say it. Every time he opened his mouth when James was in the immediate vicinity he’d yell at him to ‘fuck off’. If he even so much as thought about saying something to Remus when he was nearby, Remus would give him his iciest look and Sirius couldn’t get it out. Peter was the only one he was actually on speaking terms with. Even then, it was only so that Sirius could pass him the marmalade at breakfast. 

And so that was why he found himself alone in the Astronomy Tower, disgusted with his company. 


	6. A Kind of Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at this! On time!

Lily had dragged Marlene to her favourite desk up the back of the library to study for their upcoming exams. Though Marlene had tried to protest (“We’re in sixth year Lils, no one cares about your results if it’s not O.W.Ls or N.E.W.Ts!”) Lily had insisted on it. She’d had a hard time concentrating in their lessons as of late, and a little extra study never hurt anyone. They’d been holed up in the back of the library since just after breakfast, and it was now past two in the afternoon. Lily was exhausted, but she definitely felt like she had gotten somewhere. They had revised all of their charms notes (first up because it was the easiest class for them both). They had practiced non-verbal spells on each other, and gotten a stern look from Madam Pince (Marlene had sent a tickling jinx at Lily, what else was she supposed to do aside from scream?).

They then moved onto Transfiguration, which was where they had been stuck for the last hour. The theory behind Transfiguration had always been hard to wrap her head around (it was more a science-y thing and Lily had been bollocks at science in grade school before Hogwarts). She thought a change of reading material might help them out, so she picked up the pile of books sprawled on their desk and left Marlene for the Transfiguration section of the library.

The stack was taller than her head (not hard to muster when she was 5’2), and relied on her peripheral vision and memory to guide her through the library. Unfortunately, that didn’t take into account outliers like other students and she almost ran into James. The only reason she didn’t run into him was his arms reaching out to stop her, and she was embarrassed that she even knew they were his without seeing his head.

“Alright, Evans?”

She could see his stupid hand messing up his stupid hair. She struggled to find a shelf to rest the stack of books on.

“Ever the gentleman, Potter,” she teased.

James snorted. “The last time I tried to help you with something you sent a bat-bogey hex at me, I’m not as stupid as I look.”

“That was because you tried to help me relax by inviting me to the nearest broom cupboard, it was well deserved.”

“I still stand by that offer.”

“Do you want me to hex you again?” Lily said, but she was laughing.

“I could think of much better things we could do together,” James said rather suggestively, and his hand was on his chin as if he was thinking of them right now.

Lily felt her cheeks warm, because she couldn’t deny that she hadn’t thought of such things as well. Except that she would deny it for all eternity, and she hadn’t even shared that with Marlene yet. Lily was suddenly hyper-aware of how close her and James had become, and he had a look in his eye that felt like he could read her mind. She was leaning on the shelf she had left the long-forgotten Transfiguration books and James was standing in front of her, tall and lean. She couldn’t remember when he had started to transition from gangly to toned but he had and she was struggling to think of anything else aside from him the way his lips would feel against her skin.

She felt him lean in infinitesimally; her knee was now touching his thigh from where she sat on the shelf, and his hand brushed against hers. Her heart was beating in her throat and her mouth was dry. Slowly he leaned closer to her, agonisingly slow. He was standing properly between her legs now, and if she had rational thought she might have been embarrassed about how high her skirt had hitched up because of it. She wrapped her legs around him and gave away her eagerness. The gleeful smirk had not left his face, and it grew wider with her impatience.

“Why do you always have to be so infuriating, James?” she whispered her complaint.

He took her by surprise then, leaning in to close the gap and and making contact with her lips. They were warm and soft, exactly how she had pictured them but so, _so_ much better than she could have ever imagined. Her arms reached up to circle his neck and she felt his own circle around her waist. Strong. Warm. Her body was on fire at every point he made contact.

“Lils! Lily, where are you?” Marlene called, a couple of shelves away.

It was like someone had dropped a bucket of cold water on her head. She pushed James away and stood up to flatten her uniform. Marlene walked around the corner of the shelf and cackled at the sight of them. Lily felt like a deer in the headlights. She turned to James and the smirk from before has been wiped away, replaced with confusion.

“Is there something on my face?”

Marlene’s cackle grew, and Lily seriously considered sending her aforementioned Bat-Bogey hex at her friend. To calm herself she turned to James instead, giving him a once over to make sure there wasn’t actually something on his face.

“Marlene is just feeling particularly wicked today,” Lily assured him.

Marlene’s cackled softened as she walked back to the desk Lily was sharing with her. Lily turned to follow, but James caught her wrist. She stared at where his hand touched her arm burning her skin, then followed the line of his arm up until she was looking at his into his eyes again. Warm and sweet, like honey.

“Lily,” he started, then stopped. He seemed to be putting together what he wanted to say in his head. “What does this - I mean…”

Lily reached up on the tips of her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Let’s just take it slow, yeah? I liked kissing you and I’d like to do it again.”

James smiled that. “You fancy me, Evans.”

It wasn’t a question. So she didn’t give him an answer.

* * *

 

Lily had just finished her rounds with Emmeline and was walking through the portrait hole back into the warmth of Gryffindor common room. Majority of her house mates were already in bed, save for a few of the older students with upcoming exams. There was an outlier on one of the lounges in the corner of the room, who was neither in bed asleep, nor in the common room and studying; rather, he was in the common room attempting to sleep. Lily recognised the figure as Sirius Black.

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to join him - she was exhausted and she had a Potions exam the next morning - but she walked across the room and plopped down next to him. The look on his face said he was just as surprised as she was to find her next to him.

“Er, hello?” he said.

“Why are you sleeping down here and not in your dorm?” Lily blurted out.

Sirius became defensive then, she could tell that the shock of her arrival had worn off and he was closing her off.

“What’s it to you? Go stick your nose in someone else’s business,” Sirius grumbled.

He pulled up the blanket he had brought down from his bed and tried to cover himself with it. Lily was persistent though, and changed tacts to see if she could get a better result. She still wasn’t sure what she was trying to accomplish but she’d been doing a lot of things on a whim lately and they seemed to working out alright.

“Is there anything… I mean I’m just worried about you I guess,” Lily admitted.

And it was true, she realised. Yes, at first she was just being nosy and curious, wondering why The Famous Marauders were barely talking to each other. But the more separation she had noticed, she grew sad. She had tried to talk to James about it, but whenever she even so much as mentioned Sirius’s name around him he froze and refused to speak about it. Surely whatever had happened wasn’t worth losing a friendship over.

Sirius turned to face her with suspicion. “ _You’re_ worried about _me_? But you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Sirius. I may not have liked you much over the years but…” Lily trailed off.

Sirius snorted. “Thanks.”

Lily looked down at where her hands were bunched up in her lap. “Look whatever happened, I know you’re all good people and you shouldn’t throw away a friendship over it.”

“It’s not me you need to convince of that, Evans,” Sirius explained.

Lily raised an eyebrow, pressing him to go on. Sirius huffed, but didn’t turn her away again.

“I fucked up - really bad. You know it’s bad because they won’t even talk to me. I know it’s bad but I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t even get a word in around them; all James has said to me for weeks is ‘fuck off’. Remus can’t even stomach looking at me. Pete only talks to me because he can’t reach the potatoes at meal times.”

Lily pulled her legs up underneath her to get more comfortable. It was clear she was going to be here for a while.

“What happened, exactly?” Lily tried again.

Sirius sighed. “It’s complicated.”

“Does it have anything to do with-” Lily checked to make sure no one was listening, and whispered “- Remus being a werewolf?”

The look of surprise on Sirius’s face was almost comical.

“How did you…?”

“I can put two and two together. And Severus was… eager to share his theories with me as well.”

Sirius snarled at the mention of her old friend. “I don’t know how or why you were friends with him for so long when he was such a slimy git.”

“It’s complicated.” Lily used Sirius’s own words against him, and while the topic of Severus was still painful for her she was smiling.

Sirius rolled his eyes and Lily giggled. She _actually_ giggled in the presence of Sirius Black. Wonders would never cease to amaze her. He had a smile on his face now too, and she felt a little better about having come and sat with him. She was glad her legs had a mind of their own and brought her over here.

“Yes - it had to do with that. And Snape. I nearly got him killed. And James - well he had to save Snape’s life from Remus. And so they all hate me because I was going to let Remus - to - he would have - I’m not very good with this shit Evans,” Sirius conceded.

Lily pondered that for a moment. She could fill in the blanks, but it didn’t help her solve the puzzle of their friendship.

“Well don’t just sit there, _say_ something woman,” Sirius pleaded.

Lily gave him an annoyed look for pushing her. “You fucked up.”

“You are so wise, I don’t know how I didn’t think of that myself,” Sirius was sarcastic, rolling his eyes.

Lily whacked him with a cushion from the lounge.

“Is your plan to knock me unconscious? I have to admit Evans, I thought you were a bit brighter than that.”

“Are you teasing me Black? I’m you’re only friend right now.”  
  
“Are we friends now then? Excellent now I'll never get detention again.” Sirius was gleeful.

“Don’t you have detention every night already?” Lily asked.

“Well, obviously I meant after this year.”

“Goodnight, Sirius.” Lily said with an eyeroll.

She hadn’t realised how late it had gotten until she stood to leave, and realised they were the only two left in the common room. She was at the bottom of the stairs leading up to her dorm before Sirius spoke up.

“Wait - did we come up with a plan?” he whispered it, but with the lack of bodies the question carried across the room and she heard it clearly.

“Sort of,” Lily answered.

“I knew I liked you, Evans,” he grinned at her from across the room.

She waved goodnight and walked up the stairs to her dorm. She was exhausted, but she didn’t regret staying up (even if she did have that Potions exam in the morning). If someone had told Lily a year ago that she’d be losing sleep to stay up with Sirius Black, she would have laughed in their face. But after the evening’s events, she was sure a friendship with Sirius could only mean good things.

* * *

 

Sirius had sweat on his brow as he walked out of the Great Hall. He had just finished the practical aspect of his Defence Against the Dark Arts exam, and wasn’t expecting it to be so strenuous. He walked through the other sixth years milling about in the Entrance Hall; some were waiting for their turn, others were waiting for their friends to finish. Since he was neither, he made his way outside to cool off by the Black Lake. He loosened his tie as he walked out, and discarded that and his robes when he reached the edge, using them both to cushion his head. He closed his eyes as a breeze rustled past him.

A shadow appeared over his body. Sirius opened his eyes again to find the shadow caster was his current only friend - Lily.

“Hungry?” She asked him.

Without waiting for an answer, she sat down next to him and pulled a pair of ham and cucumber sandwiches from inside her robes. He hadn’t realised it, but he was famished and so when she offered one to him he accepted. James was accurate all those months ago when he had criticised Sirius’s table manners, because when he eventually spoke his mouth was full.

“‘Ow did you ‘o?” Sirius asked.

Lily made a point to swallow what she was chewing before responding, and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Why does everyone insist on chatting about exams once they’re finished? Let’s move on,” Lily complained.

Sirius snorted but dropped the topic. He didn’t care for small talk like that anyway, and his friendship with Lily wasn’t superficial like that anyway.

In the few weeks since Lily had sat next to him that evening in the common room, they had become somewhat close. She was one of the only people talking to him at the moment, and it turned they had a bit more in common than he originally thought. He found it easier to talk to her about certain things, like his relationship with Regulus. Lily had shared with him the troubles she had with her own relationship with her sister. He didn’t feel guilty talking to her about it, and she seemed to understand more of where he was coming from than James, Remus nor Peter ever could.

He had opened up to her as much as he could (without giving too much away) about The Incident. And though Lily seemed to sense there was more he was hiding, she didn’t push him and for that he was grateful. She had been furious with him as well after she told him, which he hadn’t expected but in hindsight he really should have. He had learnt though, that her fury was usually short lived. Evidently, she had seen more good in him than evil.

Lily had started to charm the wildflowers around them to grow, snaking up her arms and legs. Sirius was transfixed watching them curl around, and neither of them noticed a third person walking in their direction.

“Lily, what are you -?”

It was James. Sirius instantly tensed up. Lily gave him a look that he read as _don’t panic_ and he wasn’t, but that didn’t mean he was stupid enough to think that he wasn’t about to get a right hook in his jaw. Lily got up to meet him halfway. There was a whispered conversation, and Lily seemed to win an invisible argument because James sulked behind her back to where Sirius was seated.

“You boys are going to talk,” Lily instructed. “You’re going to work this out because you’re both miserable without each other - no complaining! Work this out. You need each other.”

Lily stalked off back to the castle, but Sirius got the impression that she would be watching them from somewhere inside. He sat in silent protest, stubborn even though he desperately wanted his best friend back. His brother back. He could sense James was doing the same beside him. Sirius looked out over the Black Lake and watched the giant squid lifting it’s tentacles and flopping them back into the water in the middle of it. James shifted beside him. Sirius cleared his throat with a cough.

“Prongs you have to - you have to know that I’d never - you know I couldn’t,” Sirius tried.

“I know,” James said solemnly.

“I’m a massive git, yeah, I know that. What I did - I really have no explanation,”

James sighed loudly beside him, and Sirius grew increasingly nervous. Sure, James was talking to him now but he didn’t feel like he was any closer. There was a long pause; Sirius grew restless and started fidgeting, pulling out the grass from underneath him. He almost wished for James to start yelling at him again. Sirius saw in his peripheral James open and close his mouth twice, clearly thinking of how to put what he wanted to say. Finally, Sirius was put out of his misery.

“Sirius, it’s… More than that. You know as well as I do, probably more, the shit that’s going on outside of Hogwarts. It’s dangerous, and we need to be able to trust each other,” James explained.

“You can trust me, James. I’d never risk your lives,” Sirius pleaded.

“But you did, Padfoot. I know, I know I’m dramatic and it wasn’t as dire as life or death - but. Do you get what I’m trying to say?” James was at a loss for words.

Sirius’s stomach was in his throat. He wasn’t really sure what James was trying to say, but it sounded like he didn’t want to be friends anymore. It sounded like he had gone so far over the line that he couldn’t even see it, that his friends couldn’t be his friends anymore. He was absolutely gutted.

“I think I get it, yeah. I won’t bother you anymore,” Sirius said and he made to get up from where he was seated.

James pulled him back down. “Are you daft, mate? I’m not telling you to fuck off, I’m trying to fix this.”

Sirius had thought his Defence Against the Dark Arts exam was hard, but this conversation was hurting his head more than anything education related ever had.

“What?” Sirius asked, cocking his head to the side. It helped, okay.

“We need you mate, but we need you to - to be better. It’s the four of us against the world. You’re our brother. We aren’t the Marauders without you.”

“But -” Sirius was still confused.

“You really are a stupid bint. I’m saying I forgive you for being a stupid bint but don’t be a stupid bint again or I’ll look like a stupid bint,” James said, exasperated.

“If you’re trying to make me second guessing if stupid bint is a word it’s working,” Sirius joked.

James snorted, and thwacked Sirius on the back for good measure.

“Oi!”

“You deserved that, don’t even _think_ of getting me back,” James replied.

“How long are you going to use that excuse?” Sirius grumbled, and rolled his eyes.

“I’ll use it for as long as I please, and _if_ Moony decides to forgive you he’ll use it even longer,” James teased him.

Sirius’s throat closed up. “If?”

“Mate, I’m sure he will but you still need to talk to him about it, yeah? In fact,” James paused and rustled around in his robe.

He pulled the map out and whispered the secret incantation to reveal it’s secrets. He scanned the map, and Sirius had a feeling who he was looking for.

“There, he’s up in the dorm,” James said as he pointed to a tiny black dot with _Remus Lupin_ scrawled next to it.

Sirius felt ill, but he knew James was right.

“You’ll be with me?” Sirius asked him.

“Until the very end,” James grinned.

* * *

 

Remus had been easier to talk to than Sirius had expected. It was still hard, but after talking with James and the ups and downs that conversation had taken him through (it felt like he was riding through that storm to James’s house over the summer - only he was stuck in turbulence), talking to Remus had been a breeze.

It had been stilted between them all for a moment, but they had gotten back into the groove of their friendship before they had finished the first bottle of firewhiskey in their stash. That and a few rounds of Irish Pirate’s Chess (a complicated game they had come up with themselves in first year; it had been adapted as they had grown older to include alcohol which only made the game more fun) had been the key to the lock on the chest of their friendship.

Sirius started off the last week of their sixth year in better spirits than he had been for the last three months. He was sat across from Peter in the Great Hall, Remus to his left as he scooped a heaped pile of beans onto his plate for breakfast. He topped off his plate with bacon and toast, and poured himself a pint of pumpkin juice. He had finished his exams for the year, and even though they were some of the last to arrive at the table it was still aplenty with food.

Sirius rarely received mail; an occasional letter from Mrs. Potter, or one of the only few members of the Black family that he actually liked. Which is why, when the owls descended into the hall that morning for the post, he was not paying much attention at all. He was chewing on a rasher of bacon when a tawny barn owl landed beside his plate and began to peck at his toast.

“Sod off,” Sirius dismissed the bird.

But it kept nipping at his toast. Sirius huffed and put down his half eaten bacon in order to free up his hands.

“What do you want?” he grumbled.

“Obviously it’s delivering you a letter Padfoot,” Remus said without looking up from his copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

James snorted and hash brown splattered across the table and onto Peter’s plate.

“For fuck sake Prongs, that’s the third time this week,” Peter complained.

Sirius had untied the letter from the owl in front of him during the exchange. The writing on the front of the envelope was not in a handwriting he recognised, which immediately gave him a sickly feeling. He tore it open, impatient to find out the contents.

_Mr. Black,_

_We regret to inform you of the passing of your uncle, Mister Alphard Black, and offer our sincerest condolences. As we are sure you’re aware, your uncle had taken quite ill over the last year, and so his passing was of little surprise. Attached to this letter you will find a copy of his last will and testament. Due to a lack of his own heirs, a majority of his fortune will be inherited by yourself. To you, he has bequest a property in the centre of London, as well as a large sum of what was left in his account at Gringotts. The sum has been transferred to a new account in your name at Gringotts. You will find details in the attached document._

_Regards,_

_Agatha Bond_

_Office of Wizarding Affairs and Estates_

Sirius felt his throat close up. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the second page; he didn’t care about the details. Vaguely he registered someone was calling his name, but everything was foggy and it sounded far away. He felt Remus lean in closer to read the letter over his shoulder, an act that ordinarily would have made his heart race. Instead, he just tilted the letter so Remus was able to see it better, and stared at the pile of food on his plate.

“Moony, what is it?” James asked, hushed and serious.

“His uncle,” Sirius heard Remus reply.

There was some sort of wordless conversation between the the other, and then Remus was guiding Sirius away from the table and out of the Great Hall.

As Sirius followed Remus through the castle, he was lost in his thoughts. He’d only met his uncle a handful of times, but in those moments he had known he was not like the rest of his family, and not just because he was the only Black without children of his own. Sirius had actually enjoyed his company in the sparse amount of time they had spent together. He was one of the only members of his family who he’d spoken to since he had been disowned over the summer, and the only one who hadn’t been blasted off the family tapestry (his cousin Andromeda had been blasted off when he was younger for running off with a muggle-born she’d met at Hogwarts). Alphard had given Sirius hope that being born a Black didn’t mean inheriting the twisted purist views of his parents.

Sirius was pulled out of his thought as Remus came to a halt in an empty corridor. Sirius watched as he paced back and forth in front of the wall, and realised they must have been on the seventh floor of the castle. Sure enough, an ornately carved door appeared in the stone wall. Remus opened it and led Sirius into the room that had appeared. They walked into an exact replica of how James’s room had been modified over the summer for when they had all stayed. The only difference, was the table of booze on the opposite wall.

Sirius plopped himself down in the pile of cushions the exact same way as he had over the summer.

Remus walked over the the table of booze, and Sirius stared up at the ceiling. Remus’s footsteps grew louder as he approached and disappeared when Remus sat down next to him. A goblet was pushed into his hand, and Sirius took a large swig of it without even asking what it was. The familiar warmth of firewhiskey burned down his throat. They were both silent for a long time.

The quiet was broken some time later by James and Peter bursting through the door. Sirius’s head was still staring up at the ceiling, so he only knew it was them because it could _only_ be them. He heard their bodies thud onto the floor nearby, and the silence returned. No one was saying anything, and it started to make him angry. He didn’t know what exactly he wanted anyone to say, because small talk was utter bullshit but the thought of talking about his uncle made his stomach lurch. He was angry, and it bubbled up inside him, until it overflowed in a way he hadn’t ever conceived would happen: tears.

A single tear rolled down his cheek, fat and wet and he felt like a blithering idiot. He wiped it away quickly, though he knew they had all seen. But his body betrayed him, and more fat tears tumbled out and splattered onto his shirt. A heaving sob wracked through his body and it felt like it echoed throughout the whole room, bouncing off the walls and mocking him. There was a hand on his shoulder then, soft and warm. Somehow Remus had moved to sit right next to him without him even noticing, so close that Sirius’s heart would ordinarily be beating at lightning speed but all he could feel was jagged pieces of glass where it used to be. Remus’s hand on his shoulder reminded him he wasn’t alone.

And then he remembered: _he wasn’t alone_.

He curled into Remus and sobbed, staining his shirt with his tears. Remus seemed unsure of what to do with him, and so just placed a hand on Sirius’s back but it was more than enough to console him. The crying lasted a long time, but all three of his friends stayed with him. His throat and eyes were sore and he knew that if he tried to speak his voice would be hoarse. His breathing started to even out, and from his position the smell of Remus’s cardigan was potent in his nostrils. The smell was calming to him, like it had been in during the Potion’s lesson on Amortentia.

The worst of it was over then for Sirius. He lifted his head from where he had leaned on Remus and found it covered in wetness from his own tears. In the back of his mind he was slightly embarrassed, but he didn’t have enough energy at that point to care. Remus pulled him into a tight hug and Sirius felt warmth flooding back into his body. James and Peter joined them so that Sirius was covered by his friends from all angles.

Something tickled the back of his neck and as he wiggled around trying to find the culprit the four of them toppled over. James was first to start laughing and the rest of them quickly followed suit.

“Whose wispy fucking chin hairs were tickling my neck?” Sirius asked the room.

“Oi! They’re not wispy,” Peter defended.

James snorted from Sirius’s right and Remus was wheezing to his left. Sirius picked up one of the pillows littered about the floor and threw it at Peter in retaliation.

“Alright, they’re a bit wispy,” Peter conceded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on tumblr under the same handle, wotcherpotter :)


	7. Feelings, Feelings

Lily had been home for the summer for six weeks already. In that time, several things had happened.

One, was that Petunia had moved out of the family home and into a rental property with her _fiancé_ ; Lily nearly gagged at the thought. It was bittersweet news to come home to, as she still clung to the hope that she might one day rekindle her relationship with her sister. Her moving out put more distance between them, but it also put more distance between her and the beefcake that was Vernon, a welcome compromise.

Two, was that she missed James more than she had thought she would since saying goodbye to him at King’s Cross Station at the beginning of July. Ever since the kiss in the back of the library, Lily had been consumed by thoughts of James. Of course if she was being honest with herself, she would admit that she had been consumed by thoughts of him for much longer. She wasn’t quite clear where they stood, except for the fact that neither of them were seeing anyone else. They hadn’t made their… relationship known to anyone else, not even their friends. She had to admit, the secrecy was thrilling. Their friends of course could see they were no longer at each other’s throats, but other than that Lily was sure they were none-the-wiser.

Three, happened on a Thursday afternoon. Lily was dozing off on the grass in the back garden of her parent’s house. Her book was splayed open on her chest to mark the page and a large hat covered most of her face from the sweltering heat of the mid-August sun. A shadow swooped over her body and landed nearby, but she didn’t notice. What she _did_ notice, was the soft thud of a weighted piece of parchment landing on her stomach. She jumped awake, hand moving instinctively to where her wand was hidden in the back of her shorts. When she realised she was alone, she found the envelope on her stomach.

The front of the envelope showed a familiar loopy scrawl that addressed the envelope to her (oddly specific as always) and the back was sealed with the Hogwarts insignia. She tore open the letter to find several pieces of parchment. Something hard and cool fell onto her stomach, and she squealed in excitement. A Head Girl badge! She didn’t even read the parchment enclosed, instead she ran inside looking for her parents to share the excitement.

She found her father in the living room watching the news, sitting as close to the pedestal fan as he could get. His glasses still managed to slide down his face from sweat. Lily bounded into the living room and disrupted the serenity, but her father smiled at her in spite of it.

“Dad, you’ll _never_ guess,” Lily began.

She sat next to him on the lounge, her letter still scrunched up in one hand and the badge poking through the other. She thrust the badge into his face, like a small child proudly bringing home artwork for the first time. His eyes lit up as he inspected the badge and realised what it was.

“Lily, I’m so proud of you! So incredibly proud of you,” Her father beamed.

Her father enveloped her in a hug, his greying moustache tickling the top of her head. The sound of the front door opening signalled her mother’s return, and Lily ran into the entryway to show off her badge again. She pinned it to the shirt she was wearing and stood in the arch between the entryway and the lounge, puffing out her chest.

“Notice anything different?”

Her mother studied her for a split second, but with Lily’s stance it only took her that long to figure out the answer to the question she posed.

“Darling, I’m so proud of you! My darling Head Girl, I can’t believe it!” Her mother enthused, and Lily was wrapped in another tight hug.

Lily followed her mother into the kitchen and sat on the bench as her mother put the groceries away. Her mother tutted her disapproval at Lily’s choice of seat, but didn’t ask her to move. Lily finally remembered the letters clutched in her hand, and skimmed through them briefly. There was the usual list of books for the school year, as well as anything else she might need for her classes. A second letter that went through her grades for the end of year exams, which she had completely forgotten about. She read through it quickly, and was exceedingly happy with her results (Outstandings for every class - she was gobsmacked!).

The third sheet was a letter personally written by Professor Dumbledore, congratulating her on her position.

_Miss Evans,_

_It is with great pride that I bestow upon you the position of Head Girl for the graduating class of 1978. After discussing with your Professors, it was a unanimous decision that this title belonged to you. You have repeatedly shown that you have the patience, wit and kindness to undertake this task. Your leadership skills have only improved since becoming a prefect, and I trust that you will carry out your Headship to the best of your abilities. No doubt, your abilities will exceed the expectations of us all._

_Over the course of the next year you will be working closely with the Head Boy, a position I have appointed to Mister James Potter._

Lily’s mouth dropped to the floor. He hadn’t even been a prefect, let alone Head Boy. Not that Lily was really complaining, but she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to get anything done when he was around to distract her. Thankfully her mother’s back was to her this whole time, and she wouldn’t have to answer a hundred and one questions about her reaction. She could save the James conversation for another day.

Lily turned her attention back to the rest of the letter to read through the rest of its contents.

_As I am sure you are aware, there are segregated Head Student’s dormitories to ensure you have the space to not only work together, but complete all your other responsibilities as well. You are expected to uphold the same standard in all of your classes, and you’ll find the quiet of the Head Common Room a welcome change in this time I am sure._

_Your first obligation as Head Girl is to conduct the Welcome Meeting for the year’s prefects. I encourage you to work with Mister Potter beforehand and discuss how you will be approaching the year ahead together. You will find a list of the year’s prefects at the bottom of this letter to assist with your planning._

_Good luck Miss Evans, though I believe luck isn’t necessary for you to be successful in your position._

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards_

_Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot_

The list of prefects attached to the end were more or less names she was expecting; Emmeline was the seventh year prefect for Ravenclaw, and several of the other names she recognised as well. Her head was still reeling from the news that James was her co-Head.

She decided to be proactive on Dumbledore’s advice, and get in contact with him straight away. She took the steps up to her bedroom two at a time, and strode across the landing to the small desk in her room. She tore off a piece of spare parchment and dipped her quill in the ink pot she kept handy. She was nervous, suddenly. Her mind had gone blank and she couldn’t think of anything to write. She scribbled ‘CONGRATULATIONS!!!???’ on the piece of parchment and tied it around Agathe’s ankle whilst she was perched on the window sill. Lily gave her a treat and she took off to deliver her note.

Hours passed, and Lily struggled to entertain herself whilst she waited for his response. It would probably be days, she thought; she had no idea where he actually lived, and had never sent anything to him before to have any idea how long it might take for her note to even arrive. She tried reading her book again, but ended up reading the same sentence for an hour before giving up. She joined her father down in the living room, but was kicked out for fidgeting so much (to be fair - he did seem extremely invested in the match of whatever he was watching, and she could admit she was annoying). She wandered back into the kitchen to help with dinner but was immediately shooed out with excuses of a surprise celebratory dinner following her back out into the entryway.

Lily resigned herself back up to her bedroom. She laid down on her bed, and as soon as her head hit her pillow again Agathe swooped back through her window. Lily had never jumped up so quickly in her life, and the speed caused her to become slightly dizzy. Nevertheless, she persisted to where Agathe had landed and was pleased to find that James had written a full letter in response to her one-worded note. Her heart fluttered involuntarily as she tore open the letter.

_Dearest Lily,_

_Thank you! And I believe a congratulations are in order for yourself as well, though I think we all knew it would obviously be you. What a shocker about myself, eh? Dumbledore must be off his rocker. Few cards short of a deck Sirius thinks, I’m definitely inclined to agree. My apologies in advance for my inadequacies as Head Boy, though I will do my best to keep up with your impeccable standards._

_Mum and Dad are dead proud, but I think we’re all in a bit of shock. Almost certain Dad wrote to Dumbledore to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake. He denies it of course, but I saw the a letter from him in Dad’s den and what else could they be talking about?_

_Have no idea what Dumbledore is talking about when he mentioned the Prefects meeting, though I do rather agree with his suggestion that we meet up before the start of term. You’ll have to teach me how to be responsible and whatnot. Not sure how much Head-Talk we would get done seeing as we haven’t seen each other in 6 weeks._

_Missed you immensely, of course. No one at home smells as sweet as you do. Actually Padfoot smells like a wet dog more often than not, dead insulting to the senses. He thinks he’s hilarious. Can’t wait to see you again, I could use a good snog. Obviously that’s not all I see you as, though you are rather good and I do think about that quite often._

_If you’re not busy next Tuesday, I was thinking we could meet. I could come pick you up of course (I_ _aced_ _my Apparition test - don’t know if you heard me the first thousand times), and there’s a nice little cafe by my house._ _It could be a da_ _We could use it to discuss Official Headship Matters._

_I await your response with bated breath._

_Yours,_

_James x_

Lily could not respond quick enough. She scribbled out her address on another piece of parchment and a time. Reading over her response, she added an apology that she couldn’t reciprocate the level of detail James had given in his own letter, but promised she would more than make up for it when she saw him next week. She would let him interpret that how he pleased.

* * *

It was ten minutes before noon on Tuesday, and Lily was in the living room tapping her foot with both impatient and nervous energy. She glanced at her watch every 30 seconds, hoping that if she looked at it enough times time might move a bit faster.

“I thought it wasn’t a date,” her Mum teased from the other lounge.

Lily opened her mouth to reply and closed it again when she couldn’t think of anything to say. She opened it again, but before she could say anything there was a knock at the front door and she froze.

“I’ll get it,” her Dad called from the kitchen.

Lily yelped and her traitor mother laughed at her. She closed her eyes and listened as her father walked down the hallway to the front door to open it. Her heart leapt into her throat when she heard James’s voice.

“Hi Mr. Evans, my name is James Potter. I’m not sure if she’s told you, but I’ll be her co-Head Student next year and we were planning to meet up today and discuss our plans,” Lily heard him explain.

She was amazed at how composed he managed to sound. Even though she had never known him to be nervous, she thought that surely meeting her father might make him tremble even if only a little. Her father welcomed him inside, and all too slowly Lily realised that meant James was making his way down the hall and would see her any minute. She tried to get her mother’s attention, waving her hands about her face, but she didn’t raise her eyes from the book she was focused on. Lily had a suspicion she was being purposely obtuse. Lily hurriedly tucked the strands that had broken free of her ponytail behind her ears. Her mother coughed to cover a laugh, and again Lily had no chance to respond.

Her father walked into the room and was followed by James. Lily didn’t think her heart could beat any faster than it already was, but when she laid eyes on James she was sure it was trying to fly away. He didn’t really look any different, same messy hair and bespectacled face, maybe a little less lanky; Lily could only put her reaction down to not having seen him for several weeks. James grinned as soon as he saw her, and she felt her own face split in two with a matching smile.

“Hi Mrs. Evans, I’m James Potter,” he said, extending his hand to shake hers.

“It’s nice to finally put a face to the name,” Mrs. Evans replied.

James turned to her and raised his eyebrows, grin never leaving his face, and Lily felt her cheeks turn scarlet.

“Right well, I think we ought to get going then, James,” Lily interrupted, before further embarrassing conversation would ensue.

She grabbed James’s hand and lead him back out the front door. She called a farewell over her shoulder quickly and then the front door was shut behind them. Silence for a second, and then:

“So you talk about me a bit, do you?” James was smirking.

“Leave it to my Mum to give you a bigger head than usual. And Just when I was beginning to enjoy your company…” Lily teased.

She ran off down the street with her laughter streaming behind her, and James jogging to catch up. She turned down a deserted alleyway, the one she had told James to apparate to in order to pick her up. She grabbed his hand again when he reached her.

“Ready?” He asked her.

She nodded her head, though she wasn’t sure she was truly ever ready for the sensation that apparition brought. James began to turn on the spot, and she felt her stomach lurch as she was sucked with him into a completely different street. Lily quickly realised James must live in an all wizarding town, for they landed in the middle of a cobblestoned street and no one bat an eyelid at their sudden appearance. Still holding her hand, James lead her down the road towards what she assumed was the cafe in question. She had been in muggle-less towns before, of course, but she still marveled at the shopfronts and the people in their wizard’s robes as they walked down the street. Lily felt out of place in her Queen t-shirt and shorts.

James held the door open for her, and a bell chimed above their heads as they walked in. He lead her to a table over by a window, waving to a few familiar faces as they weaved through the tables. Lily sat in the booth across from James with a shy smile on her face. Her heart was still beating a million miles a minute.

“Welcome to Godric’s Hollow,” James said.

“No way!” Lily said in amazement.

Her eyes lit up and she looked out the window again, as if knowing that the founding father of her House once lived here would somehow change the way everything looked. James chuckled and passed her a menu, and she poked her tongue at his mirth.

“So, Dumbledore must really be off his rocker, eh?” James joked.

Lily had had time to think about it since she had received her letter, and she had come to the conclusion that Dumbledore was possibly the most brilliant man to ever exist. Obviously James as Head Boy was a decision a bit left of centre, but Lily was sure he was the perfect decision.

“I think you’ll be a brilliant Head Boy, James,” Lily admitted.

She saw a faint blush tinge his cheeks, and she thought it wasn’t fair that his skin was so dark and she couldn’t really tell.

“Only because I’ve got you as a Head Girl,” he said eventually.

Lily rolled her eyes at his deflection. It was unlike him to do so, and she wanted him to know that she meant it. She reached out and grabbed his hand across the table. He looked up at her, surprised. She gave him a gentle smiled as she squeezed his hand.

“Are you nervous?” she asked him.

“Of course I’m nervous, I don’t know the first thing about being Head Boy. I wasn’t even a Prefect,” he explained.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot actually, and I think what you’ve got to do is treat it a bit like being a quidditch captain,” Lily said, thinking out loud.

James looked at her with confusion for a second, until realisation dawned on him.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” he agreed.

“It’s been known to happen.”

A waiter came over and took their orders then, and Lily panicked for a moment because she hadn’t looked at the menu _at all_. James, who had clearly been here several times, ordered a steak and kidney pie. She figured she liked them well enough and so ordered the same. The waiter took their menus, and brought back a couple of goblets and a jug of water for the table. Lily was still holding James’s hand when he let go to pour them both a drink, but grabbed a hold of it as soon as he was finished. He smiled at her over the top of his goblet as he took a sip.

“I’ve missed you,” she admitted.

James had a way of making her blurt out every thought in her head, she’d realised. But she never felt like he would make fun of her for it; rather that he made her feel safe enough to share it all and nothing was too crazy, or too stupid, or too anything. At her latest admission, his face broke into the smile that made her heart speed up again.

“I don’t blame you, being forced to see - what was his name, Vincent? - ugly beefhead on the regular. I must be a welcome change. I’ve been told I’m quite handsome,” he joked.

“Your mother calling you handsome doesn’t count. And actually, Petunia moved out over the summer so I haven’t seen him at all,” Lily trailed off.

James seemed to sense that she wasn’t as thrilled about the news as she thought she’d be. He maneuvered himself around the booth so that he was seated next to her instead, and cupped a hand around her cheek. His thumb rubbed soothing circles into her skin.

“Hey,” he said to her softly.

“I’m just as surprised as you are that I’m upset about this but I guess - I guess I had always hoped we’d be able to patch up the rift that had come between us. We used to be so close, until I got my Hogwarts letter and then…”

A single tear slipped out, and James stopped it with his thumb.

“It was never your fault,” he said, giving her a soft kiss on her temple.

“I didn’t help, though,” Lily said. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to ruin our first date by crying over my sister.”

“First _date_? I was under the illusion this was a meeting for Official Head Student Business.”

Lily turned his head to face her, and leaned in with a wicked grin. The last thing she saw before closing her eyes was the look of complete and utter surprise on his face as her lips met his own. Her left hand was still caressing his jaw, and she used her right to trail down his body suggestively. He yelped, and she took the opportunity to slide her tongue to meet his and deepen the kiss. The only reason they stopped, was the sound of a cough behind them alerting them the waiter was back with their meals. Both faces turned beetroot red, and Lily thanked their waiter in a mousy voice for their meals. She turned back to James and laughed at his glasses slightly askew on his face.

“I think I’ll enjoy being Head Boy quite a bit if this is what it entails.”

* * *

It neared the end of their first month of their seventh year. Sirius was exhausted already, though that may have been due in part to it being the day after a full moon. His Charms class had just finished, and Sirius was thankful it was the last of his day. He packed up his things and thrust them into his bag haphazardly, not caring if he crushed his notes in the process. He’d barely been able to keep his eyes open, let alone pay attention to his lesson and take legible notes. He’d ask Lily for a run down later.

He trudged up to the the stairs to Gryffindor tower, following Peter. James had moved this year from his bed in the Gryffindor Dorms to the Head’s Quarters a couple of floors down. It had taken some time to get used to, and they were slowly starting to find a new rhythm together, even if they weren’t as inseparable as they had once been. Sirius sat across a table from Peter close by the fire. It was early enough in the afternoon that majority of their housemates had not yet finished their classes, and they had their choice of lounge chairs.

Peter pulled his Charms notes from his bag, as well as a ham sandwich and set to work on the 12 inches of parchment Professor Flitwick had set, revising on the proper procedure to performing non-verbal spells. Sirius followed suit, but was having a hard time trying to focus on the task at hand. It wasn’t so much the content with which he was to write about, but rather there was something on his mind that he’d been meaning to talk to James about since they had made up at the end of last year. Yes, he had had all summer to discuss it, but summer hadn’t felt like the right time to bring it up. Or maybe he hadn’t known how to put the words together. Whatever the case, now felt like the right time.

Sirius dug around in his bag for the map, having been the last one to use it this morning as he had been running late after the previous evening’s gallivanting. A simple summoning charm wouldn’t work to find it, as they decided as a group it would be safer to protect the map from such magic. The only solution he could think of was to turn his bag upside down, and dump the entire contents on the floor of the common room. Sirius had forgotten about the enlarging spell he had performed on the bag, and the amount of things that tumbled out of it reminded him. At last, amidst the pile of parchment and textbooks and the occasional mouldy sandwich, the map was revealed.

Sirius scanned it quickly for the small dot labelled _James Potter_. Sirius wasn’t certain on the location of the Head’s Quarters, only that it was below the Gryffindor Tower, as James never followed them past the fourth floor anymore. After looking along the fifth and sixth floors, Sirius found James in a room with a similar set-up as the Gryffindor common room seemed to have, only on a much smaller scale. He then noticed it was only a short walk from there to the fourth floor secret passage way through to Hogsmeade, and knew exactly what the entrance to the Head’s Quarters was concealed by. Sirius levitated his belongings back into his bag, and stood to leave.

“I’ll be back Pete,” he mumbled.

“Where you goin’?” he asked.

“Just need to chat with James about something.”

“I’ll come then, I haven’t seen the Head’s Quarters yet-”

“No! Er, I mean - it’s a surprise thing. Just, ah, stay here, yeah?”

Peter looked slightly hurt at Sirius’s words, and Sirius only just caught the slight downturn in the corner of his mouth that gave it away. He didn’t ponder it for long because Pete turned back to his homework and the remainder of his ham sandwich, and Sirius was free to find James. He walked through the open Portrait of the Fat Lady and down the set of stairs to his right.

It occurred to him on his way down the first flight that he had no idea how was supposed to get into the Head’s Quarters. He thought about it as he continued down the stairs, and he arrived at the hidden entrance before he was able to come up with a solution. He stood outside, staring dumbly at the blank section of wall. After a second, a door appeared. Sirius thought it must be similar to entering the Room of Requirement, until the door was opened from the other side and Lily walked out. She was half turned back into the room, giggling ( _giggling!_ ) at something James had said. Sirius examined closely and noted that her hair was suspiciously dishevelled. She turned to leave and nearly walked straight into Sirius, and her face turned suspicious shade of red.

“Sirius!” Lily said in surprise.

Sirius raised his eyebrow in response. Lily slinked past him, and he caught the open door on his foot as she scurried towards the stairs.

“You can’t hide forever, Lily!” he called out after her.

He briefly saw the rude gesture she made with her hand before she disappeared downstairs.

“Oi!” he yelled after her, and he heard her cackle in response.

Sirius turned to James, who was sitting at a desk in the middle of the room. To the untrained eye, it was a completely natural setting. But to Sirius, he could see the smirk behind the Transfiguration textbook James was holding.

“Prongs, you sly little minx,” Sirius chastised.

“Haven’t the foggiest what you’re on about Padfoot,” James said, still hiding behind the textbook.

Sirius plonked himself on the sofa, his feet facing the fire and an arm behind his head to prop up the cushion he was leaning on. He sighed; loudly, dramatically.

“Enough about you, I’m here to talk about me.”

“Can’t say I’m surprised,” James said, finally putting down the textbook. “Spit it out then.”

“Well don’t sound too concerned,” Sirius said.

He sensed rather than saw James rolling his eyes from behind him. Sirius subtly pulled his wand from the pocket of his robes and flicked in James direction, narrowly missing him with a tickling jinx. James got the hint and made himself comfortable in the arm chair that faced him, and Sirius sat up on the lounge.

“I think - well, I _know_ actually - that I… Remus, erm. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?” Sirius stuttered.

“Not in the slightest,” James said, but he was smiling at Sirius like he knew exactly.

“James. I love - Merlin, I can’t believe I sound like a daft bint. You’re really going to make me say it?” Sirius complained.

James was grinning gleefully across at him, more smug than Sirius had ever seen.

“I’m serious!”

It pushed James over the edge of gleeful and into the pits of hysteric, wheezing laughter.

“Mate, I’ve known your name since we met 6 years ago,” James said between gasps.

Sirius could feel his face turning a shade of red darker than Lily had when he ran into her earlier. He wasn’t sure if it was due to the conversation or frustration at James, or maybe it was a combination. He felt like smoke might pour out his ears at any moment.

“ITHINKILOVEREMUS,” he yelled.

James’s hysterics stopped immediately, but he didn’t look surprised as Sirius thought he might. Instead, he was smiling that knowing smile again up at him from where he had fallen on the floor.

“Stop looking at me like you’ve gone barmy,” Sirius grumbled.

“Didn’t you tell me this a year ago?”

“No I only _liked_ him then.” Sirius explained. James looked at him like _now_ he was being a daft bint.

“You still haven’t made a move?” James asked.

“When would I have made a move?” Sirius said, flustered.

James snorted.

“Do you think Moony knows?” Sirius asked quietly, almost self consciously.

“I highly doubt it,” James assuaged. “So what are you going to do?”

“I - er, I hadn’t really thought much further than talking to you about it. You think I _should_ be doing something?”

“Merlin, Padfoot, and you think I’m a daft bint. After being the brunt of all your jokes for the last five years, Lily is my girlfriend now so I think I know what I’m doing. At least, I think she is. We haven’t er - really discussed labels as such, but. But she’s as good as!”

Sirius had started to snigger at James’s backtracking.

“Fuck you, Padfoot,” James said, and Sirius laughed harder when James gave him the bird to match.

“You’re a bad influence on Evans, she did the same to me when she left earlier.”

“She amazes me more and more, every single day. I am the luckiest man alive, Padfoot,” James said, and Sirius knew he was being sincere.

“So how do I… get the girl? So to speak.”

“Speaking as a successful wooer of Lily Evans, I think the best tactic is to be completely obvious,” James suggested.

“You’re kidding, surely?”

“Sirius, Remus is never going to believe anyone is in love with him. Remember when Hestia tried to ask him to Hogsmeade for Valentine’s Day in fourth year and they went to Zonko’s? He had no clue it was a date,” James pointed out.

Sirius remembered; it was one of the funniest days of his life following them around and watching her fawn all over him. But remembering that Remus was oblivious left an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t very well blurt out exactly how he was feeling. Could he?

* * *

It was approximately nine o’clock in the evening on Saturday the 5th of November 1977. Sirius had his eye to the mouthpiece of an empty bottle of elves mead, checking he had emptied it of every last drop. He tipped his head right back to make sure he got the last dregs of the drink, and nearly fell off the arm of the chair he was seated on. He vaguely remembered the face of the person who caught him.

“Black! Wicked party mate, happy birthday,” they said.

Sirius thanked them, still not having any idea who they were. He looked around at said party, and marvelling at his own brilliance. Of course, he couldn’t take all the credit; Sirius had thought that James being Head Boy would mean they’d have to tone down the festivities, but James had seemed determined to prove that would not be the case. All four of them had been labouring all afternoon to turn the Gryffindor common room into something unrecognisable.

There was a proper buffet that they had managed to convince the house elves in the kitchen to continuously stock like they did in the Great Hall, and complete with a large dining area and several different tables. On each table, the centrepiece showcased a large statue of a lion that, if you looked close enough, vaguely resembled Sirius. A large gramophone was set up in the corner of the room, and was playing all of the records Sirius owned - including the one he had just received from Remus for his birthday, the Ramones latest release.

As his eyes roamed over to the bar (complete with house elf servers), he remembered the emptiness of the bottle in his hand, and set out to the other side of the room. It seemed he had been sitting down and drinking a lot longer than he remembered, because the room was spinning at a slight angle and he was finding it hard to put one foot in front of the other to get there. The thought of water crossed his mind, but before he could put his plan into action there was someone by his side helping him stay vertical.

“Evans! Where have you been all night?” Sirius said, leaning his whole body on Lily for support.

Lily’s laughter sounded in his ear as she helped him to one of the tables closest to the bar. She sat across from him and used her wand to bring over a jug of water and a goblet, filled it to the brim and pushed it towards him. When he started to drink she began to talk, although it wasn’t to answer his question.

“I could ask you the same question. I never thought I’d see the day where Sirius Black is hiding from his own party,” Lily teased him.

“I’m not hiding from the _whole_ party,” he explained.

“I know. And you shouldn’t be hiding from him either,” Lily added.

“You know?” Sirius said in shock.

“I had my suspicions, and you just confirmed them,” Lily said with a smirk.

She laughed at the look on his face and took a sip from the neck of the butterbeer she was holding. Sirius went to grab one from the bar but she stopped him and pushed the water back in his face.

“How come you’re allowed to drink and I’m being punished with water?” Sirius whined.

“ _You_ need to sober up so Remus actually believes you when you’re talking to him. _I’m_ trying to catch up because I just finished my rounds.”

“Lily! Light of my life, I’m so happy you’re here,” called a voice from the dancefloor.

Sirius laughed loudly at James’s terrible dance moves as he made his way over to where he was seated. When James eventually joined them, he kissed Lily on her temple and wrapped his arms around her from behind her chair. Sirius felt a jolt of envy run through him, and it sobered him slightly. He wanted to have that as well, and what if he could? He gulped down the rest of his water and stood from his chair. James and Lily looked back at him with identical encouraging expressions. Lily gave him a thumbs up and James clapped him on the back as he walked off in search of Remus.

The search didn’t take long, even in his inebriated state. He found Remus closeby the fire deep in conversation with Dorian Diggle, a Hufflepuff in their year, and that spark of envy he felt before was back with a vengeance. From his position on the other side of the room, he stomped over to where Remus was seated in an armchair and draped himself over Remus, essentially marking his territory.

“Struggling to handle your liquor, Black?” Dorian joked.

Sirius glared at him in a way that could rival even McGonagall, and he watched as Dorian was first confused and then fearful. He made an excuse about needing another drink and headed in the direction of the bar, shaking his head in bewilderment. Sirius grunted in contentment.

“What was all that about?” Remus asked him.

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times in an attempt to figure out what he was going to say.

“Has someone put a tongue-tying jinx on you? What’s going on Padfoot?” Remus asked him with concern.

Sirius had to laugh at the stupidity of the whole situation. He had never been good at expressing himself with words; he’d always resorted to actions, using his fists or his wand, but with Remus he wanted to do neither. With Remus he wanted - he needed - a more obvious approach. He sat up slightly, so that he was at eye level with him. Remus was still looking at him with concern on his face, but there was a hint of confusion mixed in as well. Sirius leaned closer, unusually unsure of himself. He was so close he could feel the warmth of Remus’s breath fanning across his face. James’s words were circling around in his head: _be completely obvious_. He pushed away all his self doubt for a split second and leaned all the way in, pressing his lips against Remus’s just barely.

It was just a peck, that’s all he could push himself to do before the realisation of what he’d done set in and he pulled back out of shock. He moved his hand to touch his own mouth, his lips were burning. His eyes found Remus’s again, and the look on it turned Sirius’s insides into lead. He was suddenly hyper-aware of just how many drinks he had downed over the course of the evening, and it felt like they were all coming back up right now. Then he realised that wasn’t metaphorical and they _were_ all coming back up right at that very moment. He jumped off Remus’s lap and ran upstairs to the bathroom attached to their dormitory, arriving just in time to stick his head in the toilet. Sirius didn’t realise anyone had followed him until he heard their voice.

“Are you okay?”

It was Remus. Sirius groaned, whether out of pain or frustration he couldn’t be sure. He heard Remus moving around the bathroom, and then he was crouched next to him, holding a cool washcloth to his forehead. Sirius sighed with content.

“Yeah,” he croaked in response. “Sorry about… erm -”

“It’s fine, I should be apologising for making you sick,” Remus joked.

“You didn’t - that wasn’t your fault. I quite enjoyed that moment actually. Did er - did you?” Sirius asked, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh. Well, yeah as far as drunken kisses between friends go sure, Padfoot,” Remus answered.

“Right, friends,” Sirius mumbled.

“Merlin, Remus, I thought you were smart,” a third voice said.

“James?” Sirius and Remus both asked in unison.

“What are you doing up here?” Sirius questioned.

“I just came to check on my best mate, because even though my eyesight is terrible I’m not blind enough to miss you running across the room up here to be sick. And you’re lucky I’m so considerate, you were making a right mess,” James said matter-of-a-factly.

“He hasn’t missed the toilet bowl this time,” Remus said dumbly.

“What are you - for fuck sake Remus you blithering idiot,” James cussed under his breath.

He moved from his spot in the doorway to crouch down beside the two of them, slightly closer than a sober person would be, but thankfully all three of them were not.

“He,” James pointed to Sirius, “is in love with you. And _he_ ,” James pointed to Remus, “is in love with _you_.”

Sirius turned to look at Remus and found he was looking back at him sheepishly. James stood and left the bathroom, and Sirius thought he heard him mumble something along the lines of ‘my work here is done’. Sirius made a mental note to knock him off his high hippogriff later.

“So you _looove_ me, do you?” he asked Remus.

“Shove off, you prat,” Remus said, standing and leaving the bathroom for his bed his bed.

“But you love this prat!” Sirius called out.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t send a tongue-tying jinx your way!”


	8. Pain is So Close to Pleasure

When Lily woke the next morning, it was because of a tiny sliver of sun shining on her left eye. Ordinarily she was meticulous with making sure there were absolutely no gaps in the hangings around her bed, because the worst way to wake up in the mornings was to be woken up against your will. And sure, she had a couple of shots the night before but she definitely wasn’t so intoxicated that she would just forget one of the most important parts of her nightly routine.

And that was when she realised a large warm hand was snaked around her waist.

Her eyes were still closed, but when she opened them she found that she was in a room that looked almost exactly like her own; but at the same time it was so obviously not hers. There was a bag in the corner with a quidditch uniform overflowing from it, a broom polishing kit open beside it. A large poster of a quidditch team hung on the wall behind it, it’s players moving around in formation. There were clothes strewn on the floor, and Lily noticed with a shock that her own from the night before were amongst them. She looked under the blanket to find she was wearing a large shirt that she hoped was James’s. She rolled over in the bed to face him, just to make sure it was actually his bed she was curled up in. A muffled groan resounded from the pillow beside her and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why are you yelling?”

Lily bit her lip to stifle her giggles, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. James’s eyes stayed closed, but a smile played at the corners of his mouth.

“Morning,” she said in a deliberate whisper.

The arm he had looped around her waist pulled her closer to him so that he could nuzzle into her hair, and she into his neck. They lay like that for some time, not talking, just being. Lily couldn’t remember ever feeling this comfortable in another person’s presence, and she couldn’t believe how quickly that had happened to her with James. Maybe it was the sun peaking through the hangings, or maybe it was emanating from James himself, but she found a warmth spreading throughout her and it made her smile.

Lily glanced at her watch still firmly attached to her wrist, and noted that it was half past 10. On Sundays the house elves basically kept serving all day - instead of the set meal times during the week - but she still wanted to get downstairs in time to grab a couple of slices of bacon before they were gone. She pressed a soft kiss into the hollow of James’s neck before slipping out from under his sheets. The shirt she had borrowed from him skimmed the tops of her thighs, and her legs felt the brunt of the frigid winter air. She walked into the small bathroom attached to his room to rinse her mouth and wash her face.

When she turned back to the bed it was to find James watching her, a curious look on his face. She felt her cheeks warm at her lack of modesty in his presence. It was only when she had climbed back into bed beside him that she could tell his cheeks were flushed as well from being caught. Her hand cupped his cheek and she kissed him, long and sweet.

“Come on, sleepy head, I’m starving,” she said.

He groaned in response. Lily managed to pull herself away again, albeit regrettably this time. He pouted but it worked. He felt around on the nighttand by his bed for his discarded glasses, and Lily left him to get dressed whilst she went back to her own room to fetch a change of clothes. They met in their shared common room, bundled up in layers of muggle clothing to keep out the chill, and walked together hand in hand down to the Great Hall.

Lily had all but forgotten the way news travelled around Hogwarts, having had such a perfect start to her day. When they walked through the doors of the Great Hall it was like being doused in ice cold water. It felt like the whole school turned to look at them, whispering and pointing at their interwoven fingers. Even Dumbledore seemed to be tittering with excitement from his seat at the staff table. She felt James squeeze her hand and felt her lips turn up in a smile as she scanned Gryffindor’s table for their friends. She found Marlene across from Sirius and Remus closeby, and tugged James in their direction.

“Morning,” she greeted them with a smile.

All three of them were smirking up at them from where they were seated.

“What?” Lily dared them.

“Nothing,” the three said in unison.

James snorted beside her and she rolled her eyes in response to them all. She sat down next to Marlene and James next to her, and piled her plate high with bacon and toast. She could still feel people’s eyes on her and it gave her a slightly uneasy feeling. She longed to be back upstairs in the comfort of James’s sheets. He must have sensed her unease, as he started rubbing soothing circles into her thigh underneath the table.

“Anything you want to share, James?” Remus prodded.

“Not particularly,” James replied.

It was Lily’s turn to snort, and she almost spat out half her bacon in doing so. James looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and Lily could see the same smirk on his face that matched her own. She picked up the sandwich she had made from her breakfast and was chewing on a blissful mouthful, when she heard a conversation behind her.

“That’s right, he’s dating that mudblood Evans.”

“What a waste, I don’t understand blood traitors.”

Lily felt her insides freeze. She knew James heard it as well because the hand on her thigh had stopped its soothing and was starting to squeeze. She knew he was trying to stop himself from turning around and hexing them, and for that she was thankful. She swallowed the food in her mouth and decided she wasn’t really hungry anymore. The people around her seemed oblivious to the conversation she had just overheard, and so she plastered a smile on her face as she stood from her seat.

“I think I’m a bit worse off than I originally thought, might just go up to bed,” she said as an excuse.

Marlene smiled in acknowledgement and turned back to her conversation with Dorcas Meadowes on her other side. Lily stood from the table to leave the hall, and James intertwined their fingers together as they walked out. She squeezed his hand in appreciation.

They reached the entryway to the Entrance Hall at the same time as Severus. Lily prayed to whatever higher being existed that he wouldn’t notice them, but someone seemed intent on making this day one of her worst. The sneer on his face when he saw them both was almost instantaneous. Lily had to wonder if his face permanently looked like that now.

“Finally slipped a love potion in her pumpkin juice then, Potter?” he jeered.

Lily squeezed James’s hand to stop him from retaliating, but she found he didn’t even tug on it to get away.

“Unlike you, Snape, I don’t have to resort to non-consensual methods,” James said instead, and he pulled Lily in the direction of the stairs up towards their dorm.

Snape went to open his mouth in retort, but Lily cut him off.

“You don’t have the right to say _anything_ about myself or anyone I choose to be around,” she said vehemently.

“Lily I - I didn’t say anything bad about _you_ -”

“Oh no, Severus. Never about me, just people _like_ me, or my friends. I’m not any different to any other muggle borns. You either hate people like me or you don’t, and you seem to have already made your choice on the matter,” Lily said.

Her chest was pounding, anger was making her eyes watery, or maybe they were angry tears. She wasn’t sure, but she didn’t want to hear anything else Snape said ever again. She stormed off upstairs, and she half expected the door to their dorm to slam behind her, as she hadn’t realised James was right behind her the whole way. She continued up the stairs to James’s room, stripped off her jeans and jumper and slipped back into his giant t-shirt from before. She turned to go back down and sit by the fire, but James was right behind her and she almost walked straight into him.

“Sorry,” she said.

He enveloped her in his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. She leant her head on his shoulder and felt her breathing go back to normal. They stood like that for a minute, just holding each other. But because all bad things came in threes, there was a soft rap on the window that interrupted them. James walked over to open it and as Lily sat on the bed, and a familiar horned owl landed next to her. An ornately decorated envelope was held in her beak, which she released when Lily held out her hand. James sat down on his bed next to her, his chin resting on her shoulder as she pulled out the letter. When Lily saw what was written, she groaned.

 

_You are cordially invited to attend_

_The Wedding Nuptials of_

_Mr Vernon Dursley and Miss Petunia Evans_

_On Sunday the 11th of December_

_At St. John’s Church_

_Ceremony will commence at 3pm_

_Reception will be held at The Forrester Hotel from 5pm_

 

Lily pouted as she finished reading the letter, and threw it to the other side of the bed.

“Are you allowed to bring a date?” James asked her.

Lily opened her mouth to answer, but then stopped. “You don’t want to come to that.”

“Sure I do, talking walruses are rare even in the wizarding world,” James said.

Lily cackled with laughter. She was always so amazed at how James knew exactly what to say to make her feel better. Maybe a higher being was shining a light on her after all.

* * *

When Lily walked through the door of her parent’s home the Saturday before Petunia’s wedding, she was immediately bombarded by the bride.

“Lily! I don’t want you doing anything _freaky_ tomorrow, it has to go perfectly,” Petunia said.

“I think freaky is kind of open to interpretation, don’t you?” Lily teased her.

“Lily, please! I mean it. No one can know I’m related to a weirdo like you.”

“Not even your future husband?” Lily pressed. “He really should know, Tuney.”

“If I wanted your opinion on what I should discuss with Vernon, I would have asked,” Petunia hissed. “And we’ve already discussed it. He told me he won’t hold it against me.”

“Well, thank Merlin for that,” Lily punctuated with an eyeroll.

“There you go again, that’s not something normal people say,” Petunia said with a whine.

Lily had stormed off at that, up to her bedroom to flop onto her bed. The small bag she had brought back with her (rather than hauling her whole trunk) lay on the floor and she dug around blindly for a block of Honeyduke’s chocolate to snack on.

She wished James was there to take her mind off everything. She had only said goodbye to him at the station an hour ago - and she was seeing him tomorrow morning - but they hadn’t spent more than a couple of hours away from each other for the last few months and she had grown dependent on his presence. The fact that he didn’t have a telephone to call him on didn’t help matters - though it did give her an idea for a Christmas present.

Lily was glad it was evening and she didn’t have to spend much time with her sister before tomorrow. She was called down for dinner, but wasn’t really hungry (mostly because of the amount of chocolate she had scarfed down earlier). She excused herself from the table shortly after sitting down, complaining about exhaustion from the ride home and went upstairs to bed. It wasn’t technically a lie; she was exhausted and she did go to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow; though really she just wanted to avoid any more arguments.

When she woke the next morning it was already nine. Petunia and her mum had left earlier,  so she was just home with her dad until it was time to go. The house was quiet aside from the low murmur of the television, and Lily felt at peace for the first time since being home. She wasn’t expecting James to arrive until just before she needed to leave, but he seemed to have other plans. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal when there was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it,” her father called from the lounge.

When he opened the door, she heard a familiar voice greet him.

“Hi Mr. Evans. I don’t know if you remember I’m-”

“James Potter, yes I remember,” she heard her father say. “Come in, son, she’s just woke up.”

Lily peered around the doorway expectantly, waiting for James to come into view. She felt her face light up when she saw him, and if he saw the bit of milk dribble down her chin then he didn’t show it. He leaned down and kissed her cheek quickly - making sure her dad didn’t see - and sat down at the table with her.

“Hi,” she said with a smile.

His eyes crinkled at the corners in the way that made her feel slightly giddy. She wondered how she could have gone so long impervious to his obvious charm.

“Slacking off are you?” James teased her.

She poked her tongue and didn’t care how juvenile of a response it was, because it made James laugh. She finished up her breakfast and was rinsing her bowl in the sink when she saw James marvelling at the rest of the kitchen appliances. She completely forgot that he had little to no interaction with the muggle world, and it only just hit her how much of a problem that might turn into that evening.

“How much _do_ you know about the muggle world, James?” she asked hesitantly.

“Oh you know… A bit of this, a bit of that,” he said vaguely.

Lily snorted, and only because she was so familiar with his face now did she notice the faint pink on his cheeks.

“Whenever Sirius is talking about muggle stuff it’s motorbikes. I can tell you everything there is to know about motorbikes,” he said.

Lily walked over to where he was sat and consoled him with a hug, her arms around him and her chin rested on his head.

“Maybe, don’t strike up too many conversations with strangers, then,” she suggested.

James scoffed. “I’m very good at _pretending_ I know things.”

And that made Lily laugh, so hard that she couldn’t breathe, so hard that her muscles ached.

Which was a summary of how they spent their day, really. There was some initial awkwardness when Lily first showed James her bedroom - which still looked like an 11 year old lived there -  but majority of their day was spent in fits of giggles on her bed. The door had been left open at her dad’s request, but they still managed to sneak in a few kisses that almost went to too far while he was downstairs. It was cramped and much too small for two near-adults, knees hitting elbows and feet hanging off the end (in James’s case anyway).

It was one of the best afternoons of Lily’s life, and it was such a shame it had to end, she thought to herself. But it was after one in the afternoon, and Petunia would kill her if she arrived late. She sighed as she pulled herself away from the warmth of James. His hands trailed along her body as she moved away and it sent shivers down her spine. She turned to glare at him and found he was watching her with a wicked grin from where he still lay on her bed. She had never in her life wanted to stay in her bed more than she did in that moment. It took all her willpower to turn back to her closet and find the dress she would be wearing for the event.

She was annoyed she had to wear it for Petunia’s wedding; she was saving it for something special occasion. She supposed her sister’s wedding should be special but it didn’t feel like it, not since they barely spoke to each other. She pulled it out of her closet anyway; a shimmering blue number, with straps that criss-crossed at the back. She had learned a warming charm especially for this dress, so that her skin wouldn’t turn the same colour in the cool air.

She took it with her to the bathroom to get changed, because James still hadn’t seen her fully naked yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to, because Merlin knew she was dying for it to happen; they had just been so busy with their Head duties, and N.E.W.T.s studies, and then he would have quidditch practice, or there was a group of students she needed to tutor in potions, and the list of things they needed to do never seemed to end; so by the time they did end up in his bed (because that was where they both slept every night since Sirius’s birthday), they were exhausted. So she didn’t want to be almost-naked in front of him in her bedroom, because there was so much sexual energy zapping between them that she might jump him there and then, and that would be embarrassing for everyone.

With all those thoughts swirling around her head, she walked across the landing and back into her bedroom to find James had changed into a bottle green suit. The white shirt he wore underneath his jacket contrasted with his skin beautifully. The first couple of buttons of his shirt were underdone and exposed the top of his chest, a smattering of hair peeking through. She felt like the universe was sending her some sort of cosmic sign, shoving the Adonis that was her boyfriend in her face like that after what she had just been thinking to herself.

“Wow,” he said under his breath.

“Our outfits don’t match,” was all she could think to say.

She hated it as soon as she said it because of the look that came on his face.

“Oh, er, I can change if you want I just thought it would look nice with erm, you,” he said. “Well, I didn’t, mum helped me out with it and-”

“-No don’t, you look, I mean - I’ll change, hold on,” she said, and he cheeks were crimson, she knew it.

She tried to hide the colour behind her hair as she walked past him to pick up her wand. She was racking her brains for the spell, she always had trouble remembering transfiguration spells and the giant distraction in the middle of her bedroom wasn’t helping. She turned around to find James trying to hide his smile.

“What?” Lily asked, self conscious.

“Do you want me to do it?” he offered.

“Shut up,” Lily said.

But she conceded, and he barely had to think before her dress was turned from blue to a glittering green that matched his suit identically.

“You’re amazing,” she said in awe.

He leant down and kissed her gently on her lips in appreciation, a smile still on his face. She had to push him away so to stop him from taking it further in order for her to get ready in time. The look on his face made her laugh again, but he sat on her bed and entertained himself by making bubbles trail out the end of his wand. Lily quickly set to work using the hair and makeup charms Marlene had taught her, altering what she had planned slightly to match with the colour change. Her hair didn’t take her long, just a simple braid along her hairline with the rest down. The makeup was a bit more complicated, but she’d been practising with Marlene and she was happy with the end result.

“Lils, we’ve got to go now or we’ll be late,” her dad called.

The drive to the church was short. The church was half full when they arrived, though it didn’t take long for the rest of the guests to arrive. Lily lead James to a seat in the pews on the left, a couple of rows back from the front. This was in part at Petunia’s request, but also so that neither Petunia or Vernon would see her and James trembling with silent laughter when Vernon’s moustache wibbled during his vows.

Petunia walked down the aisle at exactly three, to no one's surprise. The ceremony was tedious; several times James pretended to snore beside her. She made a promise to herself that if she got married one day it would be it would be short and entertaining. The highlight was, as she suspected, Vernon’s moustache wibbling when he said his vows. Lily slouched down in her place and pulled James down with her to avoid being seen while they laughed so hard they cried.

Lily only noticed it was over when the guests rose and started to leave. She held out her hand for James and wove their fingers together as they walked back down the aisle towards the outside world. By now the sun had gone down and there was a definite chill in the air. Lily could feel it even with the charm she had cast over herself earlier. James seemed to notice she was cold, and shouldered off his jacket to drape around her shoulders. She thanked him with a quick kiss, then lead him across the road to the Forrester Hotel for the reception.

Lily was starving, though of course they had to wait another century for dinner to be served. There was speech after boring speech from Vernon’s colleagues; James had suggested they start a game by taking a swig of firewhiskey every time someone tried to make a joke that wasn’t funny. It seemed to happen quite often, and on her empty stomach Lily was now as drunk as she had been at Sirius’s birthday. James seemed to be handling it a lot better than her which made her suspicious as to whether he was actually playing by the rules.

James put his arm around the back of her chair and she scooted her chair closer to his so she could snuggle next to him. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions but in her inebriated state she felt like she was floating on a cloud. The speeches stopped - finally - and music started playing from the other side of the room. She needed to dance immediately. She stood from her chair abruptly, almost tipping it and herself over as she did so. James helped to steady her, and she took the opportunity to drag him along with her to the small dancefloor inside the ballroom of the hotel. She had no idea what song was playing but it was upbeat and she jumped around to the music, much to James’s amusement.

“You have to dance, why aren’t you dancing?” she said breathlessly.

She grabbed his hand and twirled herself around; he joined her, still laughing. The song transitioned to a slower one; James pulled her closer, their heads bowed together. He dipped her - only slightly because she still hadn’t eaten - and it felt like no one else was even on the same planet as them. He held her there for a minute; their noses touching and their lips a whisper away from each other.

They were jolted out of their moment by an MC over the microphone telling everyone dinner was ready. They walked back to their table together and dug into their meals. Lily couldn’t remember even if her life depended on it what had been on that plate, she just knew that she enjoyed whatever it was.

The night seemed to pass by in a whirlwind after that. Despite her earlier warnings about striking up conversations with strangers, James charmed the pants off first everyone seated at their table, then each person at the surrounding tables as well. Lily was fascinated at how good he really was at pretending to know things, and he did have quite a bit of information on motorbikes to talk about as well. She was just as enthralled as the other wedding guests with his stories, oohing and ahhing in the right places. Vernon and Petunia seemed none too pleased that he had become somewhat of a star guest, and Lily even heard Vernon nearby telling people James was ‘an amateur magician’. Lily didn’t think James had ever been amateur at anything in his life.

Lily’s parents had come over to tell her they were leaving, and offer her a ride. She didn’t think they’d be able to apparate without hurting themselves in their current state (and she was aching to get James by herself again), so she accepted. James gave her his jacket again to wear around her shoulders as they made the short walk from the building to the car, and from the driveway back into the house. A silent agreement passed between Lily and her parents, wherein James was allowed to stay, and stay in her bed.

Lily made sure the curtains in her room were shut properly before squeezing back into her single bed with James. She was certain that he couldn’t be comfortable with his feet dangling off the end like that, but he assured her it didn’t bother him and pulled her closer. She lay with her hand on his chest and his arm around her shoulders and she was content. She never thought that after attending her sister’s wedding to that oaf she could feel so at ease, and she had only James to thank for it.

“Thank you, for everything,” she whispered.

She felt the corners of his mouth pull up as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Only because Sirius had spent half his summers at the Potter household _before_ permanently moving there did he know that Euphemia and Fleamont held a New Year’s Eve party every year. However, because he was a guest in the past he was not aware how much work had been put into the organisation of said party. Now that he was an honorary Potter, he was expected to help out with all the preparations, including; writing and sending invitations, cleaning every inch of the house and then decorating it all _and_ the back yard.

With the current state of the Wizarding World it was a smaller affair, but only in numbers; Mia had insisted that the decor was as opulent as ever. She had instructed Sirius to help Monty in the back yard. They had spent the day setting up an expansive golden tent that took up most of the space. James and Mia had joined them to cast protective spells around the area, then returned inside to leave the heavy lifting - so to speak - to Sirius and Monty. By the time they were finished, they had set up several large round tables and chairs, complete with full dinner settings and sapphire centrepieces (Euphemia was a Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, and a proud one at that - living with a house full of Gryffindor men had not deterred her in the least). The only thing left to do was hang the lighting, and though Sirius offered to help Monty had waved him off with one hand and waved his wand with the other to string the lights up.

Sirius walked back inside and was greeted with the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. He made his way through the house to find James, Mia and Winky in the kitchen working on several different meals. Sirius was starving and pondered his next move. None of them had realised he was there, so he had the element of surprise. All three of them would be tough to crack; James, protective of his cooking and armed with quidditch reflexes, had swatted away every single hand that had tried to make contact with his food; Mia, the woman who had taken him in during his darkest hour and who he had never dreamed of crossing; or Winky, a loyal and powerful house elf who had powers Sirius could only imagine that she would use to stop him. He took one step further into the kitchen as stealthily as he could muster, and was faced with two wands and a house elf pointed at him.

“Don’t even think about it,” Mia warned him.

“There’s roast pork sandwiches on the table for you and dad,” James added.

Sirius sighed, because the smells coming from the kitchen made his mouth water in a way that pork sandwiches never could. Potter family cooking was as decadent as everything else about them; full of flavours and spices, and secret recipes (from Mia’s hometown in India) that Sirius had not been privy to. Not that he would have known what to do with them if he had seen them - he wasn’t a cook in no way, shape or form. But the protesting from his stomach was enough of a motivation to cave into those pork sandwiches. James joined him - apparently he wasn’t even allowed to eat his own cooking - and Monty followed in soon after. The plate was devoured in minutes.

Mia shooed them all up to their rooms to get changed before their guests arrived. At the reminder of guests a spring arose in Sirius’s step. Remus.

He hadn’t seen Remus since they had arrived back at Kings Cross for Christmas break. The full moon this month had been on Christmas Day this year, and Sirius felt like absolute bollocks for not being there with him. Remus had assured him that it would be fine; he’d gone through many transitions safe and alone at his home before Hogwarts. Sirius had fought until he was blue in the face, but Remus had insisted that he would be okay. And maybe Sirius had been fighting for more selfish reasons - like the fact that he didn’t want to spend two weeks away from Remus - but Remus had got his way in the end.

The memories of that conversation floated around in his head while he changed into his dress robes, an elegant black number that Mia had helped him pick out down at Madam Malkin’s in Diagon Alley especially for the occasion. As he tied the bow tie around his neck, a pair of hands covered his eyes. A smile spread across his face. Remus was nothing if not punctual. Sirius spun in his arms to face him and found a smile as big as his own on Remus’s face. Sirius looked him over and was amazed that there were no new scars. He brought a hand up to hold Remus’s cheek.

“I missed you,” Sirius said.

Remus kissed him in response, and it was all teeth because they were both smiling so hard but Sirius couldn’t find it in him to care. Sirius heard a sigh from his doorway, and even though he didn’t want to stop Remus made that decision for him. James was leaning against the frame, a smile on his face as he wiped away a tear that wasn’t there.

“Ah, to be young and love,” James said.

Remus snorted. “We’re both older than you.”

“Why won’t _anyone_ let me live that down? I can’t help when I was born!” James grumbled, but he left them to go downstairs.

“Should we go join the party?” Remus suggested.

He held out his hand, and although all Sirius wanted to do was stay in bed with Remus all night he let himself be guided out of the house and into the tent he had spent all afternoon decorating.

It was a sight to behold now that the sun had gone down. The lights were twinkling onto the gold of the tent, and a warm glow fell over the whole event. There were still quite a few people at what was supposed to be a smaller scale party, but Sirius supposed it was small for a Potter event. Sirius led Remus to the table Mia had marked as theirs and they sat down instead of mingling. A waiter came to their table and filled their goblets with warm apple cider. Sirius dug around in the pocket of his robes for a flask and unscrewed the cap. He tilted it towards Remus in a silent offer, to which he nodded. Sirius poured a shot of firewhiskey into both their goblets and picked up his own to raise a toast between them.

“To… us,” he said.

“That was a little anticlimactic,” Remus said.

“It’s harder to think of a toast than I thought,” Sirius complained.

“Who needs a toast?” Remus asked, and he tapped their glasses together and took a swig of his drink.

“It’s like you two forget everything we, as Marauders, stand for when me and Pete aren’t around to remind you,” James interjected again.

This time he was joined by Lily, who had a look of complete awe on her face, and Peter, who had already plopped into the seat beside Remus.

“No one else is quite as dramatic as you, James,” Lily said.

Sirius, Remus and Peter roared with laughter at that. As they calmed down the first course of dinner was served - or rather it seemed to serve itself, as there was no one actually carrying it. Sirius still wasn’t sure of the names of most of the dishes - he was learning, and quickly - but he knew they all tasted delicious. From the platter in the centre of the table he piled his own plate with what looked like samosas, aloo tikki and a large pile of mango chutney. No raita for him tonight, he’d die like a man. After living with the Potter’s for over a year now, he felt the spices were growing on him. James still thought it was funny to put extra chilli in Sirius’s dinner only - and Sirius was mature enough to admit it was still hilarious. But watching Remus and Peter try to navigate their way around the foreign food when they were used to the food at Hogwarts gave him so much satisfaction. Sirius refused to help them, he had to fend for himself as well.

After Sirius had successfully navigated his way through the main course (James had surprise chilli-bombed Pete’s dinner instead), Sirius dragged Remus with him onto the dancefloor. There was a large gramophone magically modified to play jazz music on loop. Monty was a huge swing fan (‘it’s not just music, Sirius, it’s a whole show! A way of life!’), and Sirius had found it fun to jump around to much like he would at a Queen concert (or so he imagined). He was enjoying himself so much, it took him a moment realise the interruption to the party.

A silvery otter had landed in front of the table where Mia’s friends from when she worked at the ministry were sat, and projected a message in a voice Sirius didn’t recognise.

“There has been an attack in Godric’s Hollow. Several are dead. You are needed immediately.”

It became evident quite quickly that some of them were still current ministry workers, and they were from the Auror department. The rest of the party-goers were frozen whilst the three Aurors rose from their seats and hurriedly walked towards the the apparition point. It was then that the panic kicked in. Everyone was rushing around, inside the tent, outside the tent, looking for the people they had came with and trying to get home safely. Sirius had pulled his wand out from his pocket and noticed Remus had as well. Together they ran through the throngs of people back to James, Lily and Peter at their table.

As the five of them walked outside the tent they saw it illuminating the sky. Over to the east above the centre of the town, a large green skull glowed against the sky, a snake unfurling from its mouth. It was bright enough that when Sirius turned to Remus his skin had a pale green glow. People were still racing around them and from behind Remus’s head Sirius noticed a small group running in the direction of the mark. They weren’t wearing the red cloaks of the Auror uniform; Sirius nudged Remus and pointed in the direction of the group. Remus looked back at him with a shrug and a look of confusion.

“They call it the Dark Mark,” Monty said from behind them.

By now most of the guests had managed to get past the safety barriers and apparate back to their own homes.

“Bit anticlimactic,” Sirius commented.

Monty chuckled, and ushered them all inside through the back door. Mia was already in the living room, stirring something over the cauldron in the fireplace.

“Are we all back inside? Good. I hope you don’t mind, but I must insist you all stay the night,” Mia said from by the fire.

Sirius sat on the lounge closest to where she stood, and the others made themselves comfortable on the seating available. James sat down on the last available, the cushiest armchair, and Lily sat down on his lap. James wrapped his arms around her waist, he seemed to sense the shaken look on her face. Mia perched on the arm of the lounge next to Sirius and used her wand to continue stirring the cauldron.

“Is everyone okay? I’m just warming some tea over the fire, but I’m thinking now we might need something a bit heavier to calm the nerves,” Mia explained.

Sirius could still feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, and his hand still held tight to his wand as if someone would burst through the door at any minute. Remus squeezed his left knee, though his wand was also still clutched in his right hand. Sirius did the same to Remus’s own knee.

“Why would they even come here? Godric’s Hollow is an all wizard town it doesn’t make any sense,” James asked.

“Well James, there’s a -”

“- Fleamont,” Mia cut him off.

Sirius shared a look of confusion with James.

“Mum-”

“Not tonight. You’ll have your tea and then be off to bed,” Mia put her foot down.

Sirius caught the silent conversation that passed between his adoptive parents. He swore they could talk to each other telepathically with the way they understood the look on each other’s faces so well. Mia served them all a cuppa with a shot of firewhiskey, and she was right about it calming his nerves. As he trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, he couldn’t help but wonder what Monty was about to tell them, and if it maybe had something to do with the people he saw running towards the mark.

* * *

Sirius completely forgot to raise the question with Monty the next morning, and every morning before they went back to Hogwarts for their last semester. Mia had fawned all over both him and James for the rest of the winter break, and even cried when they waved goodbye from their compartment on the Hogwarts Express for the last time.

When they arrived at Hogsmeade station in the early evening, Sirius noticed there was more than just the one or two teachers on patrol. Instead, there were several Aurors dressed in regular clothing - a fact he only realised because he saw Frank Longbottom. Sirius was happy to see an old friend, though he had a feeling it wasn’t for a good reason. James, Remus and Peter had noticed as well, and the four of them walked over to Frank instead of queueing up for the carriages that would take them to the castle front doors.

“Longbottom! We’ve missed your chasing skills on the team, mate,” James said in greeting.

“I’m sure you’re doing just fine without me Potter,” Frank responded with a smile.

“How’s Auror training?” Remus asked.

Sirius didn’t pay much attention to his response; he didn’t mean it to be rude, but he was distracted by just how many people he recognised on the platform. There was Frank, but also; Alice Fortescue who had graduated in the same year as Frank; Edgar Bones, who was a fifth year when they were first years; Benjy Fenwick, Ravenclaw’s star seeker a couple of years ago when he was at Hogwarts; and that was just to name a few. Sirius was sure not all of them had gone on to Auror training, which prompted the question of why there were here. Was it added protection? And if so, why had Dumbledore gathered an assortment of Hogwarts alumni to do it? Had he finally lost his mind completely?

Before Sirius had a chance to say anything to Frank, Remus had ushered him into a carriage. He sat on the bench beside Remus, and waited until the carriage pulled away from the rest of the students before he mentioned anything.

“Did you see who else was on the platform?” he asked.

“I saw a few, yeah,” Peter answered him.

“Did it look like a random assortment of past students to anyone else?” Sirius pressed.

“I thought it was Aurors,” Remus said.

“I thought only Frank was an Auror?” Sirius pondered.

“No, Alice is too, they started together,” Peter added.

“Well Benjy Fenwick definitely didn’t get into the Auror program,” Sirius said.

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right about that,” Remus agreed.

“Did you see the guy with the moving eye?” James asked them.

“We all have moving eyes, Prongs,” Peter deadpanned.

“No - it was spinning around in his head. It felt like he could see through me. Dead creepy,” James explained.

“Prongs - irrelevant. I completely forgot about it all until now, but do you think this has something to do with what your dad was going to tell us on New Year’s?” Sirius proposed to the group. “Or maybe the group that ran towards the mark after the patronus?”

“Maybe it’s both,” Peter suggested offhand.

“Wormy, you are a genius. I could kiss you!” Sirius said with excitement.

“I thought that’s what you did with Remus.”

“Right you are again, Pete,” Sirius said.

He turned to Remus and kissed him, more for show than anything else but he was still amazed at the fact that he could do this now. Remus went along with it, and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s neck. Both James and Peter made noises of protest which Sirius ignored, and Sirius licked along Remus’s bottom lip in an attempt to deepen the kiss. Remus pulled away, his neck scarlet but his face pleased. Sirius barked with laughter, and even harder when he saw the looks on his friend’s faces.


	9. Don't Try So Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a scene which you may have read before from [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780023). It's updated - and (hopefully) better quality - since I've grown as a writer since then. 
> 
> This is the second last chapter!! Thank you to everyone who has been reading, for those who have left reviews or kudos, it really makes my day every time.

Lily was completely frazzled. The table she was working at in the shared Heads common room was littered with spare pieces of parchment, ink pots, quills, and textbooks. To the untrained eye, it looked as though she had tipped the entire contents of her school bag onto the table. To Lily, however, it was a delicately organised chaos. Between the responsibilities of being Head Girl and studying for her N.E.W.T.s Lily was surprised she hadn’t already lost her mind. Of course, James played a major part in keeping her sanity. She didn’t know how he managed Head Boy, studies _and_ Quidditch Captaining - though she was pretty sure he was born a few sickles short of a gallon (after meeting his parents during the Christmas holidays, a lot of things had made sense).

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Somehow every thought she had ended up finding its way to James, and it wasn't something she necessarily complained about, but she was supposed to be writing an essay on the process of human transfiguration and it’s dangers. When she looked down at her parchment, Lily found she had only written the first sentence. She groaned and pulled the closest textbook to sit in front of her. Her head rested in her palms as she turned through its pages, looking for anything that could help her.

Hours must have passed, though she wasn't really conscious of the passing of the time. She only knew that she had shut herself away since the end of Charms, committed to finishing her homework. She set down her quill and looked critically at what she had written so far. It was still only a couple of paragraphs, and she groaned. She looked around the room, desperate for anything to inspire her, which was when she noticed the fire had dwindled to embers and the sun (or what could be called sun in the middle of February in northern Scotland) had been replaced with the luminescence of the moon. Her stomach rumbled as if to punctuate the discovery.

She was starving, but she was also comfortable in her chair and warm under the blankets from her bed. She closed her eyes and she rubbed her temples as she tried to make a decision when she heard the sound of the door swing open.

“Alright, Evans?” James said with a grin.

The greeting was a fond one, from days past when he was still arrogant and got under her skin in the worst way. He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her neck, kissing her on the temple. She smiled at the gesture, at how warm his arms were around her.

“You’ve been up here all night?” He asked her, concern in his tone.

He smelled freshly showered, which reminded her he had been at quidditch practice this evening. The smell of his aftershave was one of her favourite smells, and she drank it in before answering.

“I’ve been trying to finish - or rather start - this essay McGonagall set us. All I can think of is an opening sentence and even that is awful,” she complained.

“You need a break,” he said.

He kissed her temple again, then her cheek, moving along her jaw and down to her neck. She tipped her neck back to give him better access when her stomach rumbled again. A blush formed on her cheeks immediately at the interruption, and James chuckled lightly at her expense. She sighed, admitting defeat and moving to pick up her cloak and go down to dinner.

“Where are you going?” He asked, eyebrows arching up in confusion.

Lily turned to face him, her brow furrowed as she thought it was obvious. When she turned back around, her mouth gaped open. She wasn’t sure how he had managed it but the table was cleared of her schoolwork, and in its place sat a candlelit dinner, complete with two different types of pudding (bread and butter pudding _and_ treacle tart - her favourites). She turned her gaze to James, who was smiling nervously at her and with his hand messing up the back of her hair. A nervous habit she had grown to love.

“I love you,” she sighed.

His eyes bulged, her own as well, realising she had said it out loud. She searched his face for some sign of what he was thinking - James was somewhat of an open book when it came to his emotions - but there was nothing except his initial surprise.

“You - you what?” he said in shock.

Lily was nervous, and even though it was an accident that she had said it out loud she was sure of what she had said. She smiled, a smile so big she could feel her face splitting in two, and jumped the two steps between them so that she could swing her arms around his neck.

“I love you, James. I do. I’m sure of it,” She said again. She kissed him, soft and sweet.

“I love you.” Another kiss. “I love you.” And again.

She could feel the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. She went in to kiss him again, and he stopped her.

“I love you,” he finally said back to her.

She hadn’t realised she was holding her breath slightly until she let it go. She suspected he felt it back, but it was a relief to hear it in his voice all the same.

“I love you, Lily Evans,” he said, and he picked her up and swung her around the room.

She was overcome with giggles, and a tear finally broke free from her eyes and rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t ever remember a time being so happy she cried. He set her back down again in the middle of the room and wrapped his arms around her waist. He arms were still around his neck, and he bent to touch his forehead with her own.

“I love you,” he said again and pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

The Great Hall in the middle of the day was a place of chaos; people speaking louder to be heard over the next, food flying around whether on purpose or accidental - and that was just the Gryffindor table. Nevertheless, Lily was persistent in trying to read a chapter of her Potions textbook despite all the distractions. Her right hand held the book open whilst her left stabbed at a piece of chicken on her plate. Across from her was Remus, who seemed to be stirring things around on his plate more than he was eating them. Lily hadn't noticed earlier, but now that she was looking at him he did look peaky.

“Are you feeling alright, Remus?”

He jumped, clearly not expecting to be addressed, but forced a small smile onto his face when he noticed Lily looking at him.

“I think I’m just getting a late bout of the flu,” Remus explained.

Lily looked at him sympathetically. “I can whip up a solution if you want.”

“No don't go to all the trouble,” he said, waving his hand, “I’ll be fine.”

Lily watched with a sympathetic smile as he forced a spoonful of mashed potatoes down his throat. Lily wasn’t sure he even swallowed before he picked up his bag and left the Great Hall, muttering an excuse as he did so. Lily nudged James beside her, who had just filled his mouth with shepherd’s pie.

“I think Remus is feeling a bit worse than he’s letting on,” Lily said.

James looked over her shoulder to where Remus was passing through the large oak doors. He didn’t look too bad from behind, but Lily had a feeling James could see more than she could when it came to his best friends. He made sure to swallow his mouthful before turning back to her.

“He’ll be fine, he’s always getting sick.”

Lily nodded in agreement because he was right. Ever since they had started Hogwarts together Remus had always been getting sick. Still, it seemed to Lily that this time was worse than before; though maybe that was just because she was spending more time with him than she ever had. James seemed intent on changing the subject, which gave her a feeling there was something he wasn’t telling her but she didn’t want to push it further. She turned back to her textbook and tried to revise before lunch was over.

All too soon, she was following the entirety of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw seventh years up through the castle to their last lesson of the day: Defence Against the Dark Arts. Lily noticed Remus was already sat in his regular seat up the back of the classroom, still looking poorly. She walked past him to sit beside Emmeline towards the front. They had been revising everything they had ever learnt in preparation for their N.E.W.T.s, and today’s lesson was no different. Lily partnered with Emmeline to practice casting defensive spells non-verbally, and whilst it was an important skill to master, it was one they had both mastered in their fifth year in preparation for their O.W.L.s. This meant they had plenty of time in the lesson to be distracted by anything and everything.

“Do you think Remus is alright?” Emmeline asked as she nodded towards where he slumped over his desk.

Lily noted that he looked considerably worse since lunch. He was sweating, and his skin had turned a waxy-yellow.

“He didn’t look so bad at lunch and that was only half an hour ago,” Lily said.

Her concern grew into worry. She dug around in her bag for an emergency solution she always kept with her, when her planner fell out and opened to today’s date. In the top right corner of every page it showed the current stage of the moon, which meant it was currently showing as full. Lily froze as she remembered one of the millions of theories that Severus had shared with her over the years, the one he had really clung to towards the end of their friendship.

She couldn’t explain why it all suddenly clicked in her head now but she was starting to think Severus could have been right. All the times he was sick, the scar across his face (which had faded to a pink line by now, but still ever-present), and multiple scars all over his body; it was all adding up. Lily was still on the floor by her book bag, a million thoughts running through her mind. She picked up her planner and shoved it hastily back in. As she straightened up, she had forgotten what she was even looking for. Emmeline was looking at her with a raised eyebrow, and Lily shook her head to dismiss. She wasn’t even sure how to explain what had just happened.

The rest of the class passed in a blur for Lily; she didn’t even hear when they were dismissed, only saw that the rest of the class were rising from their seats to go. She ran up the stairs to her dorm and dug around in her trunk for an old Defence textbook. She flicked to the back, knowing the answers to her questions already but refusing to admit it until she had read over the facts. And it wasn’t that she was scared of him -- or prejudiced or something ghastly like that -- she was sad for him. She couldn’t think of a kinder person she’d ever met, a person who was the least deserving of such a disease.

When she read over the chapter and her theory was confirmed she was heartbroken. There had to be something she could do. She knew James, Sirius, and Peter would know, and wondered what they did. They wouldn’t be able to just sit by and watch Remus go through that each month, but she couldn’t think of anything that might help. If it was going to be anything it would be a potion. Partly because charms weren’t a strong enough branch of magic, but also because potions was one of her strongest areas. She pulled out her potions textbook from her bag that she was reading at lunch, and the most recent copy of her _Potion Pioneering_ subscription fell from the back. Lily’s eyes lit up.

She flicked through the publication for the page she was looking for. Towards the back there was a small section on a potion called ‘Wolfsbane’, a discovery made by someone called Damocles. The article didn’t give much information, only that Damocles had done extensive research on the subject since leaving Hogwarts, and had produced the Wolfsbane potion to ease the symptoms of lycanthropy and allow one to hold onto their mental faculties during the transformation. Damocles sounded like a familiar name, like someone Slughorn may have mentioned teaching in the past. Lily hoped that was true so that he might be able to help her get in touch with him.

When the door to the Head’s Quarters opened Lily jumped. After sitting in silence for the last half an hour she wasn’t expecting the noise. James walked in and eyed her suspiciously but he was laughing at her reaction at the same time.

“Up to no good?” he joked and sat down next to her on the lounge.

She rolled her eyes, but picked up the magazine and showed him what she was reading. She didn’t point specifically to the Wolfsbane section, but she knew that he saw it from the look on his face - or rather, the lack of emotion that crossed it. His face was unreadable, clearly something he’d practiced when it came to the topic and it was enough to confirm her suspicions with finality. She didn’t want to push the topic; James was a good friend, and clearly didn’t want to spill his friend’s secret.

“I think I might go see how Remus is doing down in the Hospital Wing,” James said.

He kissed her chastely on the cheek as he got up and walked back towards the door.

“Will I see you at dinner?” Lily asked.

“Er - not sure, Lils. Don’t know that I’m really feeling that well myself,” he said.

He was lying, she could tell by the way he played with the buttons of his shirt. She wanted him to know that she didn’t have to hide it from her, but there was probably a conversation that she needed to have with Remus before then. She nodded then, and he walked out the door. She stayed in the common room by herself, not sure that she was up to eating much either.

She tried to pass the time by revising but she couldn’t concentrate. She waited for James to get back from the Hospital Wing because he surely couldn’t stay with Remus the whole night. She knew James liked to take a few risks but he wouldn’t risk his life like that, knowing what it would do to Remus if something were to happen. The later it got, the less likely it seemed that he would be walking back through the door that night. Her eyelids grew heavy and she rested them, promising herself she would open them again after five minutes.

The next time she did open them, however, was early the next morning. James had pried the door open and the creaking had woken her up. The first thing she was aware of was the stiffness in her neck from sleeping on the lounge all night. The second was James only just returning back to their dormitory when it was clearly the next morning. There was a long gash on his left forearm, and although it was shallow it was still alarming to see. People didn’t just walk around Hogwarts and get a giant cut.

“Where have you been all night?” she said, voice hoarse from sleep.

James froze, clearly not expecting to be caught. If she was in the mood she would have said red-handed.

“Er, I’ve been -’’

“What’s wrong with your arm?”

“I’m fine, Lily,” he said, trying to shake her off.

“Don’t wave me off, James. I waited up for you all night, and you can’t even give me an explanation?”

“There’s nothing to tell, Lily!”

“Don’t you dare lie to me, James Potter. I know you’re keeping secrets,” Lily said, accusing him.

“It’s not my secret to tell!” he said.

He was exasperated. Lily saw the darkness under his eyes and wondered if he had even slept last night. She couldn’t figure out how he’d done it. He’d obviously been running around with Remus last night while he had transitioned, but he wasn’t seriously injured. She could heal the cut on his arm in minutes.

“James,” she changed her approach. “I know.”

His eyes widened.

“You know?”

“It was… something Severus used to harp on about - I never paid him any attention!” she said, seeing the dark look that crossed over James’s face.

“Fucking slimy git,” James muttered.

Lily gave a small smile.

“I never paid any attention to it but yesterday something just clicked. And I don’t - I know Remus, I know he’d never - but when he’s transformed it’s not safe, James. You can’t just run around with a, well,” she explained.

“You ought to give me a bit more credit Lils,” James said.

A mischievous grin crept onto his face, and Lily was more confused than ever at where the conversation was going. He walked to the middle of the room, away from where she was sat on the lounge. She stood to follow him but he warned her to stand back. He closed his eyes and transformed from James into a large, elegant stag. Her mouth formed a small ‘o’ and the deer in front of her made some sort of noise - she got the impression that he was laughing at her. He shifted back into his human form and Lily was amazed all over again.

“Right, well that covers that.”

* * *

When the full moon had set and it’s affects on Remus had worn off, Sirius helped him hobble back up to the castle. The night had been one of the hardest since he had become an animagus, and the both of them had several long cuts on their arms and legs. Madam Pomfrey was awake when they stepped through the doors. As soon as they got Remus into his usual bed towards the back of the wing he passed out. Pomfrey tended to Remus whilst he was incapacitated, dabbing dittany on any open wound she could see. Sirius held onto Remus’s hand whilst he twitched in his sleep.

Madam Pomfrey turned her attention to Sirius then. He was thankful she never asked any questions, though she must have some idea of what they got up to by now. She didn’t take long to put him back together and when she was finished she closed the hangings around the bed before walking back to her chambers. Sirius sat and rested his head on the mattress of the hospital bed. He drifted off with his hand still holding tightly onto Remus.

When he woke, he found Remus awake and their hands were still held. James and Lily sat across from him on the other side of the bed and Peter sat beside him. Sirius blinked a couple of times to clear the sleep from his eyes and it took him a beat to realise that Lily was an addition to the usual group who sat around Remus’s bed. Sirius knew that James would never betray them all by telling her their secrets, so Sirius wasn’t exactly sure what she knew and didn’t know. His mouth opened and closed several times, trying to think of the right thing to say that didn’t give away too much. Lily laughed at him quietly from the other side of the bed.

“Can Sirius turn into a fish then?” She asked James.

James snorted when he saw the look on Sirius’s face and Peter joined in his laughter; even Remus had an amused smile on his face. Sirius went to pull his hand away from the traitor but Remus gripped it harder and refused to let him go. Sirius looked down to hide the colour in his cheeks. Lily coughed to get their attention again.

“So I think I’ve found something that can help with…”

“-The Furry Little Problem,” James supplied.

“Right. There’s this potioneer called Damocles and he’s completed a lot of research on you-know-what,” she said, “And in _Potion Pioneers_ there was a tiny article on a potion he created called ‘Wolfsbane’ that he says can reduce the effects of the transition each month. It’s a long shot but, if you’re willing to, Remus, I’d like to give it a go.”

Sirius was sure right then and there that Lily was the most brilliant witch he had ever met. James seemed to already know all of this based on the look on his face. He was hopeful, and Sirius felt like maybe this could work. He looked to Remus to see how the information sat with him. There was a small crease in his forehead like he was thinking it over. Sirius held his breath in anticipation of his response.

“I think my Dad mentioned something about it and well - what’s the worst that could happen?” Remus said.

Sirius gave a quiet cheer and saw Remus roll his eyes from the corner of his own. They still hadn’t let go of each other’s hand and by now it was getting a bit sweaty from the warmth. Lily stood from her seat on the other side of the bed. She stared at her watch on her wrist and Sirius noticed that it was probably sometime in the afternoon, judging by the light outside the window and the grumbling in his stomach.

“We’ve got Potions next, so I’ll try and sweet talk Slughorn to give me some more information on this,” Lily said.

“See you at dinner, yeah?” James said, standing to leave with Lily.

Sirius nodded, even though he knew it was a rhetorical question. Pete gave a small wave then followed both James and Lily through the large doors and into the rest of the castle. Sirius and Remus were alone again, an opportunity they rarely had, and one that as teenage boys they were very eager to take advantage of. Remus wiggled to his right to make room and Sirius climbed into the bed next to him. Sirius tried to be delicate and gentle but it wasn’t one of his strongest areas. Remus winced when Sirius gripped his a little too tightly.

“Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Sirius said.

Sirius punctuated each apology with a kiss, and he could feel Remus’s smile forming as he did so. Remus seemed intent on not letting a little bruise ruin everything, and quickly deepened the kiss that Sirius began. Sirius gingerly cupped his hand around Remus’s face and was relieved to find that it was safe. Remus pulled him closer so that the only thing separating their bodies was their pyjamas. Sirius could feel himself stiffening in his trousers as Remus bit down on his lip. Before they could get any further they heard footsteps coming from Madam Pomfrey’s station.

Sirius moved as fast as lightning back to his seat and hunched over to feign sleep like he had been earlier. As much as he was somewhat of an exhibitionist, he didn’t much fancy Madam Pomfrey catching him with a hard on after snogging his boyfriend. The sound of the hangings being pulled open pulled Sirius out of his head. From the lack of conversation, Sirius deduced Remus had also chosen to fake sleep. He listened to her footsteps as she walked around to the opposite side of the bed to do whatever it is healers do. Sirius focused on steadying his breathing while he waited for her to leave them again. He heard her footsteps lead away from the bed and draw the hangings close again, but waited a second longer before saying anything.

“ _Muffliato_ ,” he whispered, just to be sure.

He turned back to Remus to see him shaking as he tried to hold in his laughter.

“That was too fucking close,” Sirius said.

This was the tipping point for Remus and he roared with laughter from his bed. Sirius silenced him with one last kiss and promised to meet him before dinner so they could walk to the Great Hall together. He left the Hospital Wing and took the stairs two at a time all the way up to Gryffindor Tower. The watch on his wrist told him it was a quarter to two, which gave him just enough time to get down to Transfiguration and catch up with Lily on how she went in Potions.

It turned out the Wolfsbane Potion was incredibly complicated, although Sirius had half-expected it to be. Slughorn himself wasn’t even sure of the exact method. He had, however, taught Damocles - no one’s surprise. Lily had suffered through several minutes of Slughorn Showboating, before being rewarded with Damocles contact details. Damocles response was almost immediate.

The morning after sending off the letter, Sirius was sat across the table from her buttering a slice of toast when a large barn owl crash landed in his orange juice and splashed it all over him. Peter roared with laughter beside him until his own goblet was knocked and spilled into his own lap. Lily fought as smile as she untied the letter from around the owl’s leg, then squealed as she read who it was from. Sirius was in the middle of siphoning the orange juice out of his robes when the sudden noise distracted him and it all dropped back on his lap.

“This better be good,” Sirius said.

Lily threw the envelope across to him while she read through the contents of the later, which was several pages long. Sirius scanned the back of the envelope to find ‘Nicolai Damocles’ printed in neat lettering and felt his heart speed up with excitement. The multiple pages he had sent through made Sirius suspect he had sent through a complete recipe for the potion which Lily later confirmed.

“I’ll have to start straight away, though,” she said. “And this is going to be pricey.”

“I’ve got that covered, you just tell me what we need,” James said.

“James you don’t -” Remus began.

“Shut up,” James said, and that was that.

Lily skipped Arithmancy that morning and Sirius skipped Muggle Studies so they could set-up a cauldron over the fire in the Head’s Quarters. The first few ingredients were everyday items used in most potions and so was easy enough to start. The difficult part was getting their hands on Wolfsbane, an incredibly poisonous ingredient if not handled correctly, and as rare as it was dangerous. It had taken some creative excuses on both Sirius and James’s part to get Monty to agree to send some. He only sent them just enough for one batch of the potion, so there was extra pressure for it to turn out right. It would raise too many suspicions if they had to ask for some more.

The potion brewed for a couple of weeks, until the week before the full moon when it turned a putrid pussy colour with the same consistency. The five of them were stood around the cauldron, all with equally horrified expressions on their faces.

“Are you sure it’s supposed to look like that?” Sirius said.

“Er…” Lily said, shuffling through the pieces of parchment with the recipe on them.

An unspoken apology was on her face when she looked back up and nodded her head. She used a ladle to pour some into a goblet and handed it to Remus. Sirius watched on with disgust as he took a sip, and almost gagged.

“That’s fucking awful,” Remus said.

Sirius and James roared with laughter at his assessment.

“How astute of you Moony,” James said.

“Yes, very eloquent I thought,” Sirius added.

Lily whacked them both over the head with the closest thing she could find, which just so happened to be the ladle she had used to pour the potion into the goblet. Flecks of potion splattered into their hair, and the smell was just as putrid as the taste. Sirius yelped and ran upstairs to the bathroom to wash it out immediately, much to the amusement of everyone else in the room. He also insisted that Remus brush his teeth several times before coming anywhere near him.

Over the next seven days, Remus endured the bitterness of the potion just before dinner each night in preparation for the full moon. On the day of the full moon, Sirius noted that he wasn’t looking as poorly as he had in the past. He was even able to stay in class all day. Sirius went with him to the Head’s Quarters for the final time to drink his goblet full before dinner.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius said.

Remus didn’t hesitate before answering, “Brilliant, actually.”

Sirius grinned, and almost leant in to give him a kiss before he remembered what Remus had just been drinking.

“Do you two mind getting your own room?” James said, annoyed.

Sirius laughed, but complied and took Remus’s hand to walk down to the Great Hall for dinner. It almost felt like any other night with Remus sat next to him. But all too quickly the sun began to set, and Remus had to make his way down to the Whomping Willow before the moon came out.

Sirius barely waited an hour before dragging James and Peter down there with him, under the protection of James’s invisibility cloak. When they reached within  30 yards of the tree they transformed into their animal figures, and Sirius leapt down the hole that lead to the Shrieking Shack. He was cautious, sniffing the air and pausing to listen for danger but it was eerily quiet. The stairs creaked underneath him as he walked up. James’s stag hooves clopped on the wood and broke the silence.

Sirius nudged the door to the lone bedroom open with his nose. When he stepped into the room, he was amazed to see Remus the wolf calmly sat on the dilapidated bed in the middle of the room. Sirius the dog barked in celebration, and all the animals in the room followed suit. They spent the night sleeping together in their animal forms on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.

When Sirius woke the next morning, Remus was already transformed back to his human self and was playing with the fur on his back. Sirius wagged his tail in appreciation, before transforming back to his human form and tackling Remus on the floor of the shack. Remus was grinning from ear to ear, a smile that made Sirius’s stomach do somersaults.

“I remembered everything!”

* * *

With the distraction of the Wolfsbane success, Sirius had almost forgotten completely about the mystery of the seemingly random assortment of people they had been greeted with in January. Almost.

He was reminded with a letter from his cousin, Andromeda; the only living relative he had that he still spoke to and the only other family member to be banished from the family tree. They had grown closer since turning their backs on the Black family and wrote to each other regularly.

He was sat at breakfast in early April when he received her latest reply. He was still half asleep and spooning cereal into his mouth with his eyes closed when an owl landed in front of his bowl and nibbled on stray cornflakes. Remus had to hit his elbow several times before he noticed the owl looking up at him expectantly. Sirius grabbed a handful of spare cornflakes to trade for the letter attached to the owl’s leg. With the owl successfully distracted, Sirius tore the envelope to reveal the familiar calligraphic handwriting of Andromeda. Excitement bubbled through his veins at the possibility that she would have all the answers.

He scanned through the letter quickly, searching for anything that could lead them in the right direction. It wasn’t like he didn’t care about what she had to say - ordinarily, the stories Andromeda told about her daughter, Nymphadora’s antics were good for a laugh - but finding out that Andromeda wasn’t able to shed any light on the puzzle had soured his mood. It seemed like every possible lead he had turned out to be a dead end.

“Wotizit?” James said, his mouth full of jam toast.

Lily whacked him to remind him of his manners, and the look of surprise on his face was enough to rise a snicker from Sirius. She smiled back at him wickedly across the table. The look of betrayal on James’s face when he noticed made Sirius laugh a proper, full-bellied laugh.

“Sirius, you prat, I’m trying to be a concerned friend here,” James said, sans toast.

“He’s being dramatic because Andromeda didn’t have any answers,” Remus said over the _Daily Prophet_.

“I thought you were supposed to be on my side,” Sirius said.

It was James’s turn to snicker. Sirius huffed, both from Remus’s betrayal but also the lack of answers from Andromeda.

“I thought Meda might have some answers about everything,” Sirius said, spooning cornflakes into his mouth again.

“Everything? That’s a bit of a broad topic for her to cover in one letter, Pads,” James tried to joke.

“Prongs, I’m seri- oh fuck off,” Sirius said, realising his mistake.

Sirius rose from the table and left the Great Hall with his bag and what was left of his dignity. He had managed to go 18 years of his life without making that mistake, and now James was never going to let him live it down. He took a left in the Entrance Hall to dawdle through the castle on his way to Muggle Studies. It was walking along the third floor corridor where he heard the familiar voices. He rounded the corner and he was pleasantly surprised to see the Prewett twins walking towards him.

“Sirius Black!” Fabian said.

“Now haven’t you grown up,” Gideon added.

Sirius snorted at their observational skills. It seemed like they hadn’t grown since graduating five years ago, and he was now at least a head taller than them.

“I see you haven’t,” Sirius said.

“Where’s the fun in growing up, I’ve always said.”

Gideon nodded in agreement. Sirius noted the dark circles under their eyes and cuts and bruises dotted along their forearms. His brows knitted together; their smiles were the same as he remembered, and that mischievous glint was still there in their eyes so they seemed happy enough. Maybe they had been helping out their sister, he’d heard she had a few kids now. Although that didn’t explain the cuts…

“What class are you on your way to, then?”

“Muggle studies,” Sirius said with a grin, at which the twins laughed. “What about you lads? I don’t expect you’re here to borrow something from the library?”

Sirius noticed a look shared between them, in which a silent conversation seemed to be had that he wasn’t a part of. He supposed this is what it felt like to be an outsider when he and James spoke in eye movements.

“That’s top secret, that is,” Fabian said.

“Aye, can’t go around blabbing about that.”

“Even if we wanted to, we’re sworn to secrecy.”

“You’ll know soon enough though, I bet.”

They winked and were off, and Sirius watched them completely confused. It was a moment before he remembered what he was doing before colliding with the twins. He continued his walk to the Muggle Studies classroom on the fourth floor in a confused daze. When he walked through the door of the classroom he forgot all about the conversation, distracted by a giant motorbike at the front of the room (he’d only ever seen them in his textbook).

It wasn’t until after dinner that he remembered his near collision from the morning. He was sat in front of the fire in the Head’s Quarters playing a game of wizard’s with James, whilst Lily sat on the lounge behind them and Remus and Peter on either side to help with strategy. James and Remus against Sirius and Peter. James whispered something to Remus behind his palm that caused Sirius to roll his eyes.

“What are you whispering about, then?” Peter asked, always needing to be included.

“Top secret, Petey,” James said with a grin and tapped his nose.

Sirius was struck with a moment of deja vu as the memory of his run in with the Prewetts came back to him.

“Saw the Prewetts this morning,” he said.

“You what?” said James.

“Just walking along third floor corridor, when I was on my way to class.”

“What are they up to these days?” Remus said.

“See that’s just it, they wouldn’t say. Awfully suspicious of them I remember thinking.”

“And you what - just dismissed it? Very unlike you, Pads,” Remus said.

“Well I - we learnt about motorbikes today in Muggle Studies so I was distracted. Lily, you’re a muggleborn, you must know the allure of the machine.”

Lily snorted from her spot on the lounge.

“I’m thinking of using my inheritance to buy one and tweaking it a little bit. You’d love it, Prongs, it’s like flying.”

“They let you _ride_ it in the classroom?” Lily said, a look of incredulity on her face.

“Well, no but -”

“We’re getting off track,” Remus interrupted.

“Right you are, Moony. What ever would we do without you?” Sirius said.

He wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist from behind and propped his head on Remus’s shoulder. James began pacing in front of the fire.

“I’ll bet they were here to see Dumbledore,” Peter said, still sat in front of the lounge.

“Well, obviously, Pete, but we’re trying to figure out why,” said Sirius.

“Maybe…” Remus started, “Just throwing this out there, but maybe they’re helping with whatever it was that Frank and Alice and Benjy were doing.”

“Of course! And my parents must be in on it too, if they had some of them there at New Years.”

“Moony, you beautiful genius,” Sirius said and punctuated with a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Sometimes I think you’re more dog than human,” Remus said.

“I’ve always thought so. Would prefer it actually, if he was,” James said.

“Seconded,” Peter said.

“He’s definitely better company as a dog,” Lily said.

“Did you all forget I’m standing here still?”

“No,” said the four of them in unison.

Sirius huffed, unwrapped himself from Remus and sat in a lone armchair to ponder the benefits of running away in his animagus form. He could pretend to be a stray and let himself be adopted by a wizarding family; he did enjoy chasing his tail from time to time although - the fleas would send him insane. He shook his head and paid attention to the conversation again.

“So what we’ve got is: there’s a group of random witches and wizards that are helping Dumbledore with something,” James said.

“And they were at the New Year’s party and Hogsmeade station, so it’s to do with safety,” said Lily.

“I get the feeling Dumbledore doesn’t trust the Ministry very much.”

“Mum mentioned something about that as well over Christmas. Dead cryptic, she was; I thought she’d finally lost the plot.”

“James - that’s it. Dumbledore’s got some - some secret order that’s fighting against Voldemort, and your parents are part of it, or at least know of it,” Remus said, piecing it together.

“The Prewetts - they had a few nasty cuts. I’ll bet they were on their way to the Hospital Wing after duelling Death Eaters,” Sirius said.

“Wicked,” James said.

Peter’s eyes looked like they might pop out of his head.

“You think they’re really fighting Death Eaters?”

Sirius grinned when he said, “Think Dumbledore’ll let us join?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, come find me on tumblr @[wotcherpotter](http://wotcherpotter.tumblr.com/) :)


	10. The Show Must Go On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is -- The Grand Finale! Thank you so so sooooo much to every single person who has read, who left kudos and especially to those who left their reviews. I put a lot of hours into this story ad it means a lot that people enjoyed it.
> 
> I have begun work on a sequel to this story, as the ending is really only the beginning of their stories. Don't hold your breath though, as it will take me a while to put it together. I do have several shorter works that (hopefully) you can enjoy in the meantime. 
> 
> Again, I am forever indebted to my amazing beta Katie. 
> 
> Please come and find me on tumblr @[wotcherpotter](http://wotcherpotter.tumblr.com/) and talk to me about this story as much as you want!!!

On the last Hogsmeade visit for the year - and for Lily, her last ever as a Hogwarts student - she was sat at a table in Madam Puddifoot’s. James was sat across from her, distracted by a hovering tray of desserts. She was warming her hands around a mug of tea after the unexpected chill outside. She smiled over the top of her mug as she watched him grow increasingly frustrated at the tray’s insistence that he take something. He eventually decided on a plate of treacle fudge which he placed in the middle of their tiny table, and the tray floated to another couple to annoy.

“We didn’t have to come here,” Lily said.

James opened his mouth as if to speak but quickly closed it again. Lily hid her smirk behind her mug.

“Well,” he started, “I wanted to - to do something special. For our second date.”

Lily had almost forgotten - with the amount of time they spent together - that they hadn’t been on an actual date since the first, almost a year ago over the summer.

“It should be something you want to do as well.”

Lily couldn’t contain her laughter at the dawning of realisation on his face. He reached out for her hand across the table and pressed a soft kiss to it, melting her heart in the process. She dropped a few sickles on the table and with her hand still in James’s she stood, bringing him with her.

“Let’s go, I know just the place.”

He was grinning at her like a fool, and she was sure she had the same mad look on her face. They left the coziness of the cafe hand in hand and stepped out to the frigid cool. Even under her several layers of scarves and jumpers the chill managed to find its way in. James pulled her closer to him to wrap his arm around her shoulders as they walked up the empty side street towards the centre of town.

A hooded figure suddenly emerged in front of them from an alleyway between houses. Lily froze on the spot and could feel James go rigid next to her. She fumbled in her pocket for her wand as James threw some kind of sheet over the both of them. She looked at him in confusion but he held a finger to his mouth and lead her to a gap between fences. Once they were hidden, James turned to her.

“It’s an invisibility cloak.”

There was a loud bang on the high street followed by screams. Lily turned to see more hooded figures creeping out from the alleyway, their faces covered in ornate masks that reminded her of skulls.

“Death Eaters,” she whispered.

She turned back to James to see his face resolute. She was shaking, whether with fear or cold she wasn’t sure. James’s arm was still around her shoulders; he pulled her closer and kissed her softly on her temple before pulling the invisibility cloak off the both of them and stuffing it back in his pocket.

“You don’t have to-” James started.

“They’re fighting about me, James; about who I am. I can’t just - just sit and watch, can I?”

Another bang erupted behind them. Lily pointed her wand at the rubble raining down and turned it to dust.

“I love you,” James said.

“I love you too.”

By now, all the hooded figures had made their way from their hiding place into the main street of Hogsmeade. Lily ran with James, following the path of destruction they had made. Debris was scattered everywhere; holes were blown into the side of buildings. There were several bodies on the ground, and Lily hoped above all they were unconscious. She could see people at the base of a burning building ahead, trying to put it out the fire but it seemed to be cursed. The smoke was everywhere and it was suffocating. Lily couldn’t see James through the darkness and she began to panic.

A curse whizzed past and narrowly missed her ear. A Death Eater had their wand pointed at her, and was about to fire another until they dropped to the ground. Remus was behind them with his wanted up and chest heaving. He stepped over the unmoving body to run towards her.

“I’ve only stunned him, he won’t be down for long,” he said.

She followed him further down the street, to find an all out battle happening. She recognised a few faces amongst the crowd. Frank and Alice were there, shooting hexes at the masked Death Eaters. She spotted James in the thick of it with Sirius at his back, shooting off jinxes at a ring of Death Eaters surrounding them. The sight filled Lily with fear, but it also gave her the courage to join. She fired off a curse at the closest mask and sent them flying back into the building behind them. That caught the attention of a few others, and she wiped them all out with a cascading jinx.

A sixth Death Eater managed to hit her and though it was weak, she felt the wind knocked out of her and she stumbled back, eyes wide. The Death Eater raised his wand to strike again but she managed to put up a thin shield between them. James was back by her side then, firing a jinx at the attacker that allowed her to catch her breath.

“Don’t waste your energy on a mudblood, Potter.”

Lily could feel the anger radiating off James in waves. The voice came from Mulciber, and though he wasn’t wearing the death eater uniform he might as well have been. Lily wished he was so that she wouldn’t have to see the chilling smile on his face.

“Evans might be fit, but her blood is still dirty.”

Lily screamed when James punched him in the face. Mulciber was bleeding from his nose onto his shirt. James winced trying to open his hand from a fist. Mulciber was advancing on them with a fury in his eyes.

“Avada-”

“STUPEFY!” Lily yelled so loud, that when the jinx hit Mulciber he flew backwards down the end of the street.

But with the distraction of Mulciber she had completely forgotten the rest of the battle happening behind them. She never saw her attacker, but she heard the chilling laugh as they fired the _Cruciatus Curse_ at her. She could hear screaming, and it took her a moment to realise it was her own.

“LILY!”

James’s voice sounded far away, but she knew he was right there. The pain relented; she was shaking and sweating. Her whole body was tingling with pain. She opened her eyes to see she was on her knees, bent over with her hands balled into fists. There was dirt under her nails from where she had scraped them along the ground. Arms wrapped around her, pulling her onto a familiar lap. The smell of James filled her nostrils. She sobbed with relief that the pain was over.

“ _Morsmordre_!”

An unfamiliar voice yelled from behind her. She looked up to see a giant green skull in the sky with a snake crawling out from its mouth. It was haunting, and the green light it cast down on the small town was eerie. All the death eaters had disappeared as quickly as they had come, but the dark mark in the sky remained, a scar of the battle.

* * *

Steam rose in swirls from the shower, fogging up the mirror. The scalding water beat down on the back of her neck, massaging her tensed muscles. She had just finished her final N.E.W.T. exam for Transfiguration. All the stress of studying was gone, but the knots in her neck wouldn’t ease until she had her results. The heat on her skin did well to help her forget. When the heat got too much and her skin was near blistering, she turned off the water and wrapped herself in a towel. Droplets fell from her hair onto her pink skin.

She had taken to wearing one of James’s old quidditch jerseys to bed, the hem of which reached just past her fingertips. She had charmed it to capture the smell of the forest, the mahogany of his broom, and some sort of spice that was all inherently James (and also happened to be what she smelled when Amortentia brewed). She walked from the bathroom to James’s room where he was sprawled on the bed, glasses still on but eyes closed.

She was smiling as she climbed in next to him, trying to move so as not to wake him. Her efforts were in vain - which she should have realised by now - as he was a light sleeper. The mattress dipped where she leaned on it, startling James enough for him to sit up and grab his wand from the nightstand. Lily tried valiantly to bite her lip and hide her smirk until James’s pout turned it to laughter. He was grumbling as she snuggled up next to him, but his arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her closer all the same. She leaned her hand on his chest and lifted her head up to look down at where he lay. His lips were still pouted; she couldn’t help herself, she leaned down to kiss it away. She felt his lips turn up into a smile beneath her own.

When she snuggled back down beside him he pressed a kiss to her temple. She sighed with content, until she remembered what she had been thinking about in the shower.

“James.”

“Mmm.” His eyes were closed again.

“I was thinking in the shower,” she started.

His eyes popped open. Lily shoved him playfully.

“Not about that, though I’d think you’d be too tired from the way you’re dozing off.”

“I always have energy to shower you with my love.”

“That is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever said, take it back.”

James tickled her in retaliation. Peals of her laughter echoed throughout the room as she wriggled around on the bed to avoid him. She was breathless when he finally ended his attack.

“What I was trying to say, was that I was thinking about what I’m - well, what we’ll be doing after we finish.”

He was laying on his side with his head propped up on his hand. His gaze was focused now, a soft but determined look in his eye. She thought she had an idea of what he was going to say already.

“Because I’d always thought I go into training and become a healer, maybe work at St Mungo’s. That’s what I spoke about with McGonagall all those years ago, that’s what I’m best at and it’s what I love doing.”

“I know what you mean. I always thought I’d be training with Puddlemere next year.”

James’s free hand found her own on her own and intertwined their fingers.

“Instead we’ll be fighting a war.”

She tried to make her tone light, but her voice cracked at the end.

“Lily.”

“I meant what I said that day in Hogsmeade, James.”

“I know, and I know you’re brave and brilliant and entirely capable of defeating hundreds in a duel; but I’m scared, too. If anything happened…”

“It won’t, I won’t let it. And you have to make sure you don’t let anything happen either.”

He pulled her close and enveloped her, pressing kisses all over the top of her head. Lily squeezed him back just as tight.

“You’re everything to me, James.”

Her hand was behind his neck, pulling him down to meet her halfway. She kissed him hungrily. She was overwhelmed in that moment with just how much she loved him. He seemed to sense her desperation, and responded to it in the same fervor. One of her hands cupped his jaw; she could feel his own trailing down her back and settling on her waist. She pushed slightly so that he was now laying on his back, and hooked her leg over his to straddle his lap - all without breaking the kiss.

His hands moved down her body to cup her bum; she could feel the heat of his palms through the thin piece of cotton that was her knickers. She broke away, and reached up to pull his jersey over her head. He threw his glasses carelessly on the nightstand.

* * *

Sirius stood amongst the graduating class of 1978 in the Entrance Hall. They were dressed in full uniform - complete with pointed hats, as they had been on their first night - waiting for Professor McGonagall to invite them up the stairs and into the Great Hall for the last time. He heard a wave of silence wash over the chatter, followed by the _clip clop_ of McGonagall’s shoes on the stone floor. He looked up to see her peering down at them from the top of the stairs.

“We’re ready for you now. Follow me.”

Sirius followed McGonagall into the Great Hall, between the two middle tables filled with parents and loved ones of his classmates, towards the front of the room. Standing in front of the staff table at an ornately decorated podium was their Headmaster, dressed in his most violent of purple robes. McGonagall moved so that she was standing next to him. Her mouth was pressed into a thin line, as was her usual, but if he looked closely he thought he could see her eyes glistening. With his attention focused elsewhere, Sirius jumped when Dumbledore began to speak.

“Good morning students, and welcome to your families,” Dumbledore’s voice boomed across the hall. “It is my pleasure, to welcome you to the ceremony for the Graduating Class of 1978.”

Cheers erupted across the hall. Sirius - encouraged by the energy around him - hooted especially loud, and slapped James on the back. James paid him back in kind but before they could get into an all out wrestle match Lily was standing between them. She gave Sirius a quick hug to calm his nerves, for which he was thankful. Remus found his hand and squeezed it in encouragement.

“Seven years ago, we met in this very hall. A little younger, a little more innocent. I hope that you leave today with your minds a little fuller.”

Sirius noted that his parents weren’t amongst the faces in the crowd. He hadn’t expected or even wanted them to be, but his stomach still sank slightly at the realisation. He could, however see his adoptive parents, Monty and Mia, sat together at the long table ordinarily reserved for Gryffindor. They were smiling broadly at him, and Sirius felt his face mimic them.

“Without further ado, I will pass you onto your Heads of Houses to present you with your Certificate of Graduation.”

Sirius hadn’t noticed, but it seemed that whilst Dumbledore was speaking Professors Slughorn, Sprout and Flitwick had lined up next to McGonagall by the podium. His favourite of the four stepped up to the podium first, and began calling out the names of the seventh year Gryffindors.

“Sirius Black,” she said, her voice noticeably husky.

The students in front of him parted as he walked up to the platform where McGonagall stood. She stuck her hand out for him to shake, but it didn’t feel right after all these years for their farewell to be so… impersonal. He used her outstretched hand to pull her into a proper hug. McGonagall was rigid initially, but he felt a light pat on his shoulder that he knew meant a lot. Laughter rang out through the hall at the interaction. Sirius took the certificate McGonagall offered him and joined Monty and Mia at Gryffindor table.

The Graduation Ceremony was a shorter process than the Sorting Ceremony had been all those years ago and for that Sirius was thankful. After he had joined the Potters he no longer felt sick in his stomach, which meant he was all too aware that it was empty. It was half noon when the last person received their certificate and sat down at their house table. Dumbledore was back at the podium then and the hall was silenced once more.

“Congratulations to each and every one of you. I won’t keep you long from your lunch, I only wish to leave you with some wisdom: happiness can be found in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Sirius felt like Dumbledore was staring into his own soul when he said it, but as he looked around it seemed like most people had been affected by his words in the same way. He heard the clap of the Headmaster’s hands and smelled the food before he saw it on the table before him.

The meal was over all too quickly, and Sirius found himself walking away from the castle along the pathway that led towards Hogsmeade station. He trailed behind James and his parents, walking beside Remus with an arm around his shoulders.

“We did it,” he said.

“I really did think there were moments where we wouldn’t.”

“You were always going to.”

Ahead of them, Sirius watched as James turned and looked for them in the crowd. Even with his glasses on, he struggled to spot them in the crowd. Sirius, not for the first time, wondered how he could be so good at quidditch with eyes like a bat.

“Prongs!”

Finally, he spotted them and stopped on the path as he waited for them to catch up. He wrapped an arm around Sirius’ shoulders and fell into step beside them.

“Where’s Pete?” he said.

The three of them looked around for their friend. He was shorter than they were, and harder to spot in a large group of people. Sirius craned his neck, but even with the advantage of his height, he struggled to spot him. Without him even noticing, Peter managed to materialise beside James.

“Wormtail!” James said, and swung his free arm around him.

They walked towards the iron gates that signified not only the physical boundary of the Hogwarts grounds, but also the end of their educational careers.

“Messrs Moony,” Remus began.

Sirius shared a smile with him as Pete continued.

“Wormtail.”

“Padfoot.”

“And Prongs.”

“Purveyors of aids to magical mischief-makers, hereby declare: mischief managed!”

* * *

“Pads! Padfoot! Mate, where are you? Oh.” James called out.

Sirius sighed as he marked his place in the book he was reading and put it on his nightstand. He turned his attention to James then, who was standing in the doorway to his room with a letter in hand.

“What’ve you got?”

James grinned at him.

“From Dumbledore. I got one too.”

James handed him a sealed letter, and procured his already torn one from his pocket. Sirius ripped open the envelope to find a small piece of parchment with Dumbledore’s familiar loopy scrawl.

_Mister Black,_

_I require your attendance at my office this evening no later than 9pm. Please burn this letter after receiving it._

_Albus Dumbledore_

“You think it’s-” Sirius started to ask.

“-Yep,” James answered.

“I wonder who else.”

Sirius used his wand to silently burn the message and dispose of the ashes. A look at James’s watch told him it was half seven already.

“Time for us to stop by and see Rosmerta?” Sirius said, more as a question.

James grinned his agreement. They raced each other past the boundaries of the property where they would be able to apparate. Sirius’s laughter was breathless from the exertion; not only was he running as fast as he could, but he had to contend with James’s competitive nudging and retaliate. By the time they made it outside the line of the protective spells Sirius was panting, but happy to note that James - the fitter of the pair - was just as winded as he was.

They apparated together into the main street of Hogsmeade, just outside the front of the Three Broomsticks. Sirius pulled his jacket closed around his body, as the northern Scotland air had a chill that wasn’t present in the South of England. He opened the door to be greeted with a rush of warm air and loud chatter. He walked up to the crowded bar with James on his tail. Rosmerta spied them almost instantly.

“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you boys again so soon.”

“We’re _men_ now Rosmerta,” Sirius said.

“Of course, so silly of me to forget.”

She had poured their drinks while she chatted; two pints of butterbeer were placed in front of them, their heads frothing and overflowing onto the bar. James left a few sickles in place of their glasses as they sipped, at which Rosmerta gushed for it was three times the usual pricing.

It took longer than they had expected to finish a drink. They ended up running up the path from Hogsmeade station to giant oak doors of the castle. Rarely had they ever seen the castle so devoid of life. They almost ran into Peeves, however, they managed to successfully avoid him by taking a shortcut through one of the Charms classrooms. When they finally arrived at the gargoyle that hid the entrance to the Headmaster’s office, they were greeted by several other familiar faces, though none that were entirely unexpected. Remus and Peter were there, as was Lily and Marlene, Emmeline Vance from Ravenclaw, and Dorcas Meadowes.

James’s watch beeped at nine, at which time the stairs to the office began to rise. Sirius jumped on behind Remus and followed the group as they were ushered into the Headmaster’s office. Dumbledore was sat behind his desk, surveying them all as they walked in. A grizzly man stood beside him. Sirius recognised him as one of the people they had seen on the platform all those months ago.

“Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice,” Dumbledore began. “I trust you all disposed of the messages appropriately.”

Heads nodded around the room.

“Splendid. First, an introduction: the man standing beside me is Head Auror in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry, and one of the most skilled wizards in the art of defence against the Dark Arts. His name is Mister Alastor Moody.”

Moody nodded in greeting to them all.

“He is also, a member of a group known as the Order of the Phoenix.”

Sirius shared a look with Remus beside him. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and he wasn’t sure if it was fear or excitement or nerves; maybe it was all of the above.

“The Order of the Phoenix is a group of people, selected individually for their skills and bravery, to help fight against Lord Voldemort.”

“The Ministry can’t be trusted,” Moody interjected in a gruff voice. “Too many are spies, or under the Imperius curse. I myself only trust a handful of the Aurors in my own department. Constant vigilance!”

“Alice and Frank,” Remus whispered.

“You are of course correct, Mister Lupin. Alice and Frank are members of the Order already. I have asked you all here this evening to extend an offer to yourselves as well. I must urge that you do not make this decision lightly; what you will be asked to do is extremely dangerous.”

“I’ll do it,” Sirius said immediately.

All eyes in the room were on him for a moment, before-

“Me too,” said Remus.

Sirius saw James and Lily share a quick look before they both nodded their heads.

“Us too,” James said for them both.

The whole room quickly announced their acceptance of the offer. Dumbledore peered at them over his glasses, but Sirius couldn’t quite read the expression on his face.

“I warn you all, these are dark times and not for the faint of heart.”

No one changed their mind as he stared at them, and he sighed.

“Very well; let’s get started on the Unbreakable Vows.”

 

\-------------------------------------------------- FIN -----------------------------------------------------


End file.
